Questions for those who go back back to exes?

Okay so,

I've been single for about 4 years now. Not that it bothers me or anything, cause I'm actually very happy with who I am, and what I have become. Anyways long story short. I have dated a lot of woman over these 4 years, and within my life time. Aka taking them out, to just talking to being friends and so on and so forth. Anyways, I've noticed that, a lot of woman go back to there ex's. Like they will date me for sometime, and then not say that its not working out, but after a couple of months, just go back to there ex's. Not that I stole them from their ex or anything. Its like they have a change of heart and want to go back. And its fine, I don't put up a fight, I understand and I allow them to go. Now my question is, why haven't any of my ex's come back to me? I don't get it.

I work hard, have a condo, have a very expensive sports car ( I know this stuff doesn't matter) Am very attractive/handsome from what I hear from ladies, and also very well educated.

Now my question is, why have none of my ex's ever come back to me? I've never hurt any of my ex's physically, nor mentally. And some of these girls that I have dated, have been in really really bad situations, and they still go back?

So why haven't mine come back? I don't get it?..

I've tried reaching out to one of my ex's in particular (first true love in particular), and she just like despises me, which I don't understand why, cause I've never done anything wrong to her(aka it her or cheat on her or anything). Or any other ex I've had. But they never want to work on anything or fix anything or meet up, and chat, or even be friends..

What is it? is it because they know they have shattered my heart, that they know they cannot come back to fix it, even if its fixable, and its super easy to fix? Like I don't have bad breathe or anything lol, and I am a super clean and well cut gentleman, so I don't understand what the issue is?..

Can some people explain to me what might be the case? Is it more so on their end that they cannot do it? for they know they ruined something good?

Opinions greatly appreciated. :)!

Updates:
I love how everyone replying to this today is negative. What you couldn't think of anything proper to say yesterday? Lumps. Everyone that replied yesterday made sense. Its like you guys are all envious all of a sudden today and couldn't think of nothing proper to write.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I couldn't tell you why the girls don't come back to you. it's probably something on a pretty complex psychological level that pulls them back towards the familiar, so back to their ex. If you started dating these girls not long after they left their previous boyfriend to whom they went back to, perhaps they were still not over him, and so were with you as a sort of rebound?

    I'm sorry they shattered your heart, and still went back to their ex boyfriends. All I could say as to why or how they could do such a thing and not seem to care is that they again, were probably heartbroken themselves from their previous relationships. This could be either because the boyfriend left them and didn't provide the right kind of closure, was abusive to them yet the Stockholm syndrome took hold which would leave them still loving him, etc..

    When a woman is fresh from or still not fully over a guy, she really can get into a state where all she thinks about is the guy, what went wrong, blames herself for causing the end of the relationship even though it's clear to outsiders he treated her like sh*t, etc..

    It's definitely more, if not completely due to them not being ready for someone else, or something else altogether, but on their end. Don't blame yourself in any way. Just don't give up! There's definitely lots of great girls out there, it's just that much harder to find them amongst all the others :)

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    • Hey, Yes I totally agree with you on this one. When you first leave a relationship it is hard on both ends for people to not think of the other person. But see, my first true love left, and never came back, but yet, everyone else's first true love leaves, and they all go back. Which to me is like, wtf? get what I mean? I'm not heart broken when the girls leave. I'm cool with it. Its just kinda sh*tty you know?

What Girls Said 4

  • no woman or man should ever get into or jump into dating or relationship for that matter until you are truly ready for it.. the heart always needs to heal before we can do that and that means knowing its truly over. for example... i break up with my bf.. months go by and I meet u and started dating and in the midst of that my ex contacts me and wants another chance to works thinks out I will go back and that's because my heart is with him.. it has nothing to do with you or how wonderful you are, but I should never have started anything with you when I knew my heart was elsewhere.. so maybe thats why you can't move on even though you say you have your heart still hasn't healed cause you would dump me in a heartbeat if she contacted you for another chance lol. anyway happy belated and i think your a great guy.

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  • The truth is your exes do not come back because you are CRAZY!

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  • 1, They know they can always come back to you

    2.OR, you are a jerk that lacks something you do not even know about.

    I am hopeless romantic but sometimes women go back to their ex because they don't like to have sex with multiple people. Its nothing wrong with going back to an ex as long they were not abusive in any form. I am not one of those people who think you should cut them off unless they were just abusive.

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    • rofl, I think she knows she can't come back after doing what she did. And I wasn't a jerk, like I stated above stooge. I even said I have never been violent or shown hotility to them. And I think your reasoning for cutting someone off because they were just abusive, should be enough to cut them off.

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    • Huge denial of what you rat? Cause you allow your ego to make decisions for you? Cause you think your some big top shot, that really we won't take bac, but still allow you to come back because we look past your flaws? huh? Answer your reasoning, for thinking your the catch.

    • You're doing a fine job showing us why she left you. Quit being a jerk. I'd understand her if she never came back at this point. Rat... Lol. Who do you take yourself for...

  • If I have hurt someone, I wouldn't "dare" to go back to him because of the guilt. I know he will be better off without me bothering him. I've been hurt and when he came back, it hurt even more. So if you were the one who got hurt, I guess the type of "kind" ex would try to stay away to avoid giving more pain to you.

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    • Yes I totally agree with you, but what if the other person has reached out to you, aka the one you have hurt/left, and is over the whole thing, cause your older now.. Wouldn't you wanna give it a shot still?

What Guys Said 5

  • I have the same problem as you. I just got dumped and it seemed effortless. Like it was easy. Like you, I'm caring, well educated, respectful and make a very decent salary. I think I've figured it out though. The problem is that we might be too nice, what I mean is that we act like pushovers (or that's how it seems). The women I see running back to their exes are those who have been through tough times, those who were neglected and becomes a thing of insecurity and challenge. We're not challenging to these women because we are genuinely caring and available, therefore no need to chase since we don't seem valuable enough or "hard to get". Basically they get bored and we're left with nothing.

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  • Well I don't know really. But I was curious to know was there any communication between you and your exes after the breakup? Or did one party ignore the other completely?

    Did you bugger them a lot afterwards?

    Did they jump right into another relationship?

    I myself have had almost no communication, because she ignores me. And I guess I 'buggered' her a lot (once a month).

    Mine jumped into another relationship almost immediately.

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    • Well the break up was like 8 years ago. I'm not hurt over it. I'm over it now lol but I'm just wondering why every other chick I have dated, or even if its just a friend, why they go back? And mine don't. Do you get what I mean? Yea my first true love did jump to another guy after, I guess she feels dumb for doing that to me, and cutting me off. Yes I did chase, for a long time. But She never wanted to fix anything.

  • People that go back to their Ex's are ones who play games. In all honesty be happy that they haven't come back to you. Would you wear a used rubber again even if you rinsed it out... no, toss it in the trash and move on to the next one

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    • Yes they play games, because they haven't matured. But for the ones that have matured, and go back, they don't have that issue. And I'm kinda happy that they haven't come back, but at the sametime, I don't understand why everyone else's ex gf's leave, and come back. Get what I mean? It happens for everyone else, but not for me lol. Like what makes them wanna go back? Like I said, I've never mistreated any1, but they never come back to me.. It must be cause they feel like crap for doing that to me.

    • Maybe they do... then again I've never had my Ex try to come back to me but I'm a bad example seeing as I was with the same girl for ten years and I wouldn't take her back even if she begged me to

  • I going to go with: they don't go back to you for the same reason the women you date go back to their exes.

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    • Your answer makes no sense.

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    • Again, not because you have them but because you obviously consider them important. I'm sure that transpires when you talk to your girlfriends and that's something that shoos people. The fact that you're thinking it's because I'm envious, if anything thing, is proving my point. Stop thinking that having things makes you attractive, it doesn't. But presuming they do will make people feel uncomfortable around you, no one likes shallow people.

    • dude, your clearly not getting it still. Stop replying, cause you sound like an idiot. Yes you stating a very small point of what I own, and your still stuck on it, shows me that your jealous. Cause my question is about something totally different. Stop replying, cause I'm pretty sure reality just settled into your brain.

  • I've had my share of ex's that expresses interest in a reconciliation with me, and even though they denied it, I am under the impression that they were still emotionally attached during that time. The history, love, and unity of our romantic relationship coupled with the friendship that we once shared, I believe, compelled them to want to correct any wrongs a second time around.

    With that being said, I think the relationships you had with your ex's perhaps lacked one or more of the above factors. Thus, I ask you, were the friendships with your ex's strong - joking, laughing, hanging out on a regular basis with each other, etc.. Or, was it so, so?

    Did you experience and help each other through personal issues or "inclement weather"?

    Did you share commonalities and first time experiences together?

    On average, how long did the relationships last?

    Are you on good terms with one another?

    Last but not least, were you in love with them and vice versa?

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    • Dude, ofcourse it was deep and meaning full. it wasn't a game or joking fun type of thing, were we hung out with friends everyday. Common man, you honestly think I would be heart broken over a "Playful relationship" really I look like that much of a lump to you?

    • Its okay, I have my answer from the woman above. Hers does make the most sense. And I kinda figured it would be that.

    • I was suggesting that "they", the ex's, may have not felt it was meaningful to the extent of wanting to return. Also, if you read correctly, I was speaking partly from my ex's perspective. I understand though, really, and I'll hook you. If there is a next time, I'll be explicit and succinct to accommodate you.

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