What would you do if you found out the person you're dating is incest?

I've been with this guy for a few years now, but recently he told me that his parents were cousins, or like second cousins or something. It's cousins anyway. I really don't think I can be with him anymore knowing that. I am worried about our future children and what they might be like. I don't understand why he is so smart and nice either. He is the smartest man I know, but yet he should be f***ed up. That's why I worry that we might have messed up kids.

I don't know if I should end it or not. What would you do? I still love him, but he is incest. I'm Christian. We look down on people like him. If my family ever found out, they would want me to end it.

K wow, I was asking for advice not to be attacked. I'm not being mean to anyone on here. So why be mean to me?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Okay, this question seriously hurts my heart! You fell in love with this guy, right? That means he must be a pretty amazing human being. Do you truly believe he deserves to be judged for the actions of his parents? You two could have an amazing future. I noticed you are truly shocked about his exceptional intelligence. This leads me to believe you may not have done a lot of genetic research on this subject. I strongly suggest you do so. The fact that you love him demands you find out all you can to assist you in making an educated decision. Since he's not f*cked up, what leads you to believe with your added gene pool, that if you have children, they will be f*cked up? And speaking of children, I promise you if you are lucky enough to have a child, you will love him/her/them with all of your heart. I have a child with a developmental disability (ASD) and he has enriched my life so deeply, I cannot begin to explain just how much God has blessed me with my little Boo's (nick-name) love! I'm assuming you have never had a child, and that is why you have these concerns. Trust me, you will fall in love with your child the moment you find out you are pregnant. I was an older mother when I found out I was pregnant. My OB GYN asked me if I wanted to have the test to determine if my baby had Down's Syndrome. I said absolutely not! It matters not. I will love my child regardless of anything thrown at me! As far as your parents go; To be honest, this issue is none of their business. You are an adult. You do not have to tell them anything, and especially not without your boyfriend's permission. And while I'm on that point, your boyfriend shared a very intimate part of his life with you. I'm sure he doesn't go around telling people about that little family detail. He obviously loves you too. I hope you let him know you appreciated him sharing such an intimate part of his life with you. He put his trust in your hands. It is your responsibility to do the right thing. You should love him for what he is, A unique part of God! He may have been a product of incest, but he is also a product of God. Weren't we taught to love ALL creatures of God? You know, I was raised in a very strict Catholic home. I was told sexual abuse is "When a man punches a woman in the boob". I kid you not! Word for word. We have a lot of people who form out values and beliefs. It is up to us to seek answers for ourselves rather than to follow blindly, that is why God gave us free will. Please use it and find your own way.

    • You get BA for well thought out answer and not being mean to me.

    • I completely understand growing up with a strict religious background. I know now a lot of what was preached to me by both my parents and priests were influenced by their own preferences. I love this phrase from Father Steve, "Our faith exists despite the Church". Being mean to a person won't change their mind.


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What Guys Said 3

  • I dated someone and later found out she was a distant cousin... It weirded me out a bit to say the least. That's really been my only experience of it and I'm not with her so yeah. As for being Christian and looking down on people, that's stupid and if you believe the bible it's hypocritical... Adam and Eve were the only two people on Earth when God made it, Adam and Eve could sleep together fine, but where does it go from there? Also when God flooded the Earth and Noah built an ark for two of each animal, Noah and his family were the only people who survived (due to everyone else being apparently ignorant) unless God just made more people and the bible neglected to mention it...

    • I'm not purposely being mean in my answer, you asked a question which I answered based on what I know and can recall. I don't see how recalling things from the bible which are actually in the bible and related to the topic is me being mean.

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    • That's OK, just defending my answer in case.

    • No, the people calling me dumb and a bad christian and a snob and all that. I just wanted thought out answers on the situation, not about how I am a dumb snob who is a bad christian.

  • He was born of incest but he isn't incest. That's not him and that wasn't his choice. If you're that judgmental, you don't deserve him.

    • It's the other way around. He came from an unholy union.

    • But didn't we all come from original sin ( an unholy union)? It took the love of one to wipe that away too, remember?

  • Love is blind but fear will make you def, mute, ect...

    Are you really obliged to have kids? If you really love him, you will consider it, and consider other options such as adoption. That's what I would do.

    • I'd like to have kids yes. I thought he'd be a good one, not only is he smart, talented, good-looking but he is amazing with kids. Little kids are naturally drawn to him. So I thought I met the man of my dreams, but I don't think I can be with someone who came from such an unholy union.

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    • Incorrect. Many cultures and different sects of people practiced incest then and now. Today, The Polahi tribes practice it as a part of life, and in some parts of the US, it is still practiced (ever wonder why when some people mention incest, they refer to "West Virginia"?).

    • Im providing the asker different examples since she's in a fork on the road.

      The monarchy example I gave is an example of accepted incest.

      An example of wrong, is the Scandal of Roman Emperor Caligula, where he performed incest between his three sisters.

What Girls Said 3

  • Oh my god. Stop being dumb. He can't help if he's the product of incest. Get over it. First cousins is far enough apart that you don't have to worry so much about genetic problems. If his parents are second cousins, then it's pretty unlikely to cause any problems.

    You're acting like his parents were brother and sister or father and daughter or something. Don't leave him over something he can't help.

    • yes, OP is the bad type of christian

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    • Ok then. This is the same thing. He cannot go back in time and change the fact that his parents are related (maybe even distantly related, which barely even counts as incest). He probably is perfectly healthy, and probably will have perfectly healthy children. He's most likely not even inbred enough to have problems because of it. If he DID have problems because of it, it would be no different than him having some sort of disease. I

    • You've got a point there. I don't know, it was just such a shock to hear. And it's not like I'd be ashamed of the child we have. My nephew has a bit of brain damage. It's just the way people would treat them. Ever since my face got scarred I went from being admired to being treated like crap. This society hates on any genetic deformities. People can contradict me, but I've seen enough to know. That's why I want my children to have the lives I once had, and the ones my parents and family have.

  • You're not related to him, i can't see him passing any genetic defect to your future children. He sounds like a sweet guy for sticking by you and seeing you as a person rather than your physical looks.

  • well I think that if it had a problem it would be with him rather than wih your future children. you aren't his cousin