I feel like I've lost my faith in guys. Where do I go from here?

i've dated some really big jerks...and when I say jerks I mean one ex mentally then physically abused me, another had a problem with alcohol that I found out about, another lied to me repeatedly about being over his exgf only to leave me for her and the last guy I was in a relationship with gave me a "deadline" to have sex with him and then made his business a huge priority and spent barely any of his free time with me.

i decided after the last guy to not let it bother me, to learn lessons from every guy in my past, and move on. I met a guy on tinder who seemed a lot like me. when we finally did meet up for a date (after a long period of texting back and forth) it was amazing. he texted me every day and essentially invited himself to a large event I have coming up (I was going to wait until after our second date to ask if he wanted to go but he figured it out first). this guy seemed SO perfect, he had good manners, had planned out dates, paid attention to me, and was a true gentleman.

i knew he had gotten out of a serious 3 year relationship about 3 months before but he told me that there was nothing to worry about, so I didn't. We were dating and not in a relationship, but HE made it clear to me he saw a future (by planning dates into the next month).

our second date was amazing he was loving, sweet, a gentleman as always and I was so happy going home. but a little thing happened the night before our second date; he told me his ex showed up at his door completely uninvited and he had to escort her out to her car to make sure she didn't key his. he again, reassured me I had nothing to worry about and that he didn't accept her sexual advances as a way to get back together.

the next morning I woke up to his good morning text as usual, and I replied saying I hoped he had a great day too. then a few hours later he texted me and said he thought he was ready to date but it turns out that he's not and he hoped I understood.

i felt so smashed in the face because it was completely unexpected. everything he did on our second date screamed that he was into me, as well as everything he said. I deleted him off of Facebook with a message saying I wasn't deleting him out of spite but that he had my number if he ever needed someone to talk to (that was my way of leaving the door open). he actually replied and said again how "wonderful" I am and that I had his number too (which to me reads I'm NOT THAT INTO YOU AND I'm NOT GOING TO TEXT YOU BUT I'm BEING POLITE)

i TRULY don't know what happened within a few hours. I'm heartbroken even though it was only two dates but he had purchased tickets to a winery in advance and was supposed to be my date to a big event in the next weeks.

i don't know what I could have done differently, and I'm feeling so down. I have no desire to date anyone and it seems like I won't find anyone like him again (who will plan dates in advance and be so thoughtful)

where do I go from here?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You've just had a streak of bad luck

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    • idk if it's bad luck...it's more like something that's gone on with every guy since I started dating when I was 17, and now I'm 24

    • You obviously have made some really bad choices then don't go for the guys who are big buff and muscular go for the blond haired guys who wear polos

    • lol funny thing is I go for the nerdy guys, who seem sweet and then turn crazy haha

What Guys Said 3

  • Wow ! the exact same thing happened to me a few weeks back! it seems that people have problems with making things work. the planets must be aligned. I know what you're feeling though. it comes out of nowhere and you have a confused feeling. I wish people would be honest and say that they're not interested anymore instead of having one play a guessing game

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    • i wish people would give an actual explanation. I think that's why ex gfs go crazy when a guy breaks up with us, because we don't know how one day it's "i love you" and the next it's "i never want to see you again"

  • I would take time to find normal average guys. Dating hot guys or assh*les never turns out well

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  • Solve that question and you could write a book. People get burned out on dating. I haven't dated in two years, got asked out, accepted, and now I'm already wincing inwardly and hoping to find a way out of it...

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