Am I racist for not wanting to continue with her? Did I do anything wrong?

Over the weekend, I went out with a girl I met online. I had reservations, but I went through with it. I met her near her house, except it was in a really shady part of town. Shady as in, there was a homeless person across the street, hoodlums smoking weed down the street, and boarded up/partially collapsed houses nearby. Overall, it was an old, bad part of town. We hung out for a bit and it went OK, but it just felt wrong. Like I don't know what it was, but something about the whole thing felt off. I just felt uncomfortable and uneasy like something was about to happen.

When I got home, I talked to a few people I'm close with and they said also they wouldn't go back to date her. So I trusted my gut and didn't talk to her. Yesterday she texts me seeing what's up. I tell her that I don't want to continue because I don't feel it. Then she goes into a tirade, cursing me out, and blocks me on Facebook. She sent me this message: "You're a f***ing racist ass wipe! You'll get what you deserve" She's black and I'm white by the way, that didn't really bother me. I'm the type of person that feels bad about things like this... Did I do anything wrong?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • So, I'm black and have dated a lot of white guys in the past. She definitely overreacted, but I understand how she feels. She's probably very insecure about dating someone outside of her race, specially if she's grown up in a lower class neighborhood. The fact that you'd let her surroundings affect your relationship is kinda not cool. You guys could have agreed to meet other places, etc. Did you do anything wrong? I think you could have tried a bit harder...like tried another venue and not let your surroundings affect the PERSON you came to meet before giving her the cold shoulder. But with the way she responded, I think you're probably too young in your relationship to calm her and try again - you don't wanna get into something with someone who clearly has issues you may not be ready for. I think people thing that biracial dating is a walk in the park. It can really be difficult. Quite the rollercoaster ride.

    Btw. You're not a racist :) NEXT TIME go somewhere like a nice restaurant... or something - just so you know what kind of crowd you'll be around.

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    • She has no car and no means of transportation, so it would either be me picking her up or meeting her there. I just didn't feel comfortable with it. Plus there were some red flags. She said she is a model, yet didn't want to talk about it at all. Some older lady, when we were out in her neighborhood, seemed to think she was a prostitute, and some people close to me seem to think she could be a prostitute. Not gonna lie, the surroundings were the deal breaker but with no options to go other

    • places, I didn't see any other options. What do you think?

What Girls Said 1

  • No

    She didn't handle rejection well and overreacted.

    If you were racist, would you really have gone out with her in the first place? Likely not

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What Guys Said 4

  • No. Her race didn't bother you, but her neighborhood did, which, by the way, it'd probably make anyone feel uncomfortable. If you really felt it and really liked her, you'd have tolerated her surroundings and eventually gotten over it. However, since you didn't feel any real connection with her, you used it as convenient excuse to cease talking with her. And, who knows, maybe your subconscious picked up on a few things that you didn't like about her. In other words, you just didn't feel a connection that was worth pursuing. A lot of people loss interest after the first date. Her calling you a racist was her lazy way of rationalizing that you lost interest.

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  • Bro relax. It doesn't make you a racist. I'm black by the way. There are sketchy areas (some are majority black, Latino) that I will even avoid just for my personal safety. To be honest, you probably stand out in such an area making you more of a target for harassment, bullying, robbery, and so on. Don't do something that makes you uncomfortable just to satisfy someone else.

    I mean I personally would not go into a low income, shady area if I wasn't from that area (including shady whites, blacks, Latinos, or whoever else).

    She completely overreacted. But I get where she is coming from. She probably assumed that you judged her based off of where she lives when in reality it sounds like you were only uncomfortable with the neighborhood and not her as a person. If you care to continue the friendship maybe tell her that. She may understand. Good luck and stay safe!

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  • LOL!

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  • You didn't, if this is the whole story. It's your decision who to date, that she calls you a racist could already bring her into legal trouble in Europe. Check if there's anything you can do.

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    • USA. It doesn't bother me. She seemed a bit crazy.

    • Well, as long as it doesn't jeopardize your good reputation just move on :) Otherwise I think you really could take legal steps.

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