Would you say this if you didn't mean it?

So I asked this guy to hang out about a week and a half ago and he said yes, but our schedules were busy so we never got a chance to set anything up. I brought it up again, but then our schedules didn't match up again. We set a tentative day, but then that didn't happen either. The night before that tentative day, he sent me a message asking me if we could hang out sometime, and so I asked him if he was free for the next day and he had something to do for work, and we haven't talked about hanging out since, about 4 days ago or so.

Would you tell a girl you wanted to hang out if you really didn't mean it?

  • Yes
    13% (2)14% (2)14% (4)Vote
  • No
    87% (13)86% (12)86% (25)Vote
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The guys who say yes... please explain :)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • me, not now. but when I was about the age you seem yes I would. several reasons and most of them bad. 1) maybe he is to shy and really wants to, but is afraid of getting close and then you not really like him. now 2) deep down he is a jerk and just leading you on, telling his friends how you won't leave him alone. 3) he has someone else he likes better and they are coming first or 4) he is leaving you in the wings, for a rainy day.

    I would suggest you straight out ask him your concerns then maybe he will be truthful and let you know which of the 4 above he is. hoped it helped some. danny

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    • He's about 32 and I did ask. He said he likes to plan things as they go which is the reason we can't get together. He'll ask me to hang out the day of, but so far I've been busy. He seems afraid of commitment too, probably because he's recently divorced. He said he had no expectations when I asked what he wanted from me, but that he I'm very interesting to him. I asked him if he wanted to just be friends and he said that sounds like a nice idea, though I'm not sure what now.

What Guys Said 17

  • It sounds like you both have very busy lives, since he did ask after you initially asked, it would sound like he would like to hang out with you. As a guy I would say yes if I wanted to hang out with a girl, if I didn't, I would just say "no thanks", guys like us are not really into social meandering, we say it like it is. The fact he asked, but that something came up and then it wasn't mentioned sounds to me like he is interested in hanging out with you, but work got in the way, and that other things then came up and so it slipped his mind. This can and does happen.

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    • We had an online convo while I was drunk and he asked me to the movies, but he doesn't set anything up. He told me he doesn't like to plan things ahead of time and that the first time we went to dinner he had a really great time. I asked him why he was so interested in talking to me so much and he said he thought it would be nice to make a friend. I'm left really confused. I text him to apologize for being so drunk that night, and no response. Should I call to apologize or just let it be?

  • No, I'm pretty sure he wants to hang out with you because most guys, if they don't want to hang out with you, will just try to blow you off. But this guy asked you if you wanted to hang out, so he is initiating contact with you, so it's mutual.

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  • I think he has to be interested in hanging out, but it sounds like his life may be too busy for dating or he's getting busy with other people. People's schedules change though so I'd give him plenty of space to find time. I'd let him take the initiative now since he appears to have time constraints...and he knows you are interested already. If he fails to make contact over time, I'd say he's not very interested and not worth the chase.

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    • Good answer! Well I got really drunk the other night and we had a conversation online which I didn't remember the next day. I went back to reread it and he asked me if I wanted to go to the movies sometime, but then he tells me he's unreliable with times and likes to just plan things as they go. Also, I put him on the spot a little by asking him why we went to dinner before and he said he thought I was interesting and he had a great time. Then I asked him what he wanted from me.

    • He said he had no expectations. I told him I was confused because he keeps asking me to hang out, but then he doesn't set a time or date and he reiterated that he doesn't like to make plans ahead of time. The next day I sent him a text saying that I didn't remember our convo and it would be nice to get a reminder and I got no response. I also sent another text apologizing for my behavior once I was able to recover the conversation, and still no response. Should I let it go or call to apologize?

    • Forget it, he finally responded and said it was ok.

  • Most guys, if they weren't interested, would just ignore all texts/calls and not bother responding. However, if it's a friends I known for a while, it's a different story. It's harder to tell a friend you're not interested because you don't want to lose that friendship. He's texting you, he wants to hang out. Some people are just busy. If you are patient and really like this guy, work it out.

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    • Should I bring it up again sometime? When he sent me the message asking if we could hang out sometime soon, I responded and told him it was up to him at this point, but jokingly and I made sure to add a ;). I'm not sure if to just let it go at this point. I just can't tell if he was being polite and friendly with his texts and by saying yes, or not.

    • So he didn't text you back after that? My rule text convos is if I send a text and I don't get a reply back, I stop. I don't want to look to needy or pushy so I'll leave it up to that person. I know they got and read that text, so why push it? Just do that. You left it in his hands now, so just wait...or move on if you lost interest.

    • Well, the message he sent was through facebook, so it wasn't part of a text convo and I responded through facebook to that message. He did text me the next day after that just to start conversation. I know he's been busy because he's always giving me details about what he has to do and stuff. I haven't heard from him since Monday now though. I'm confused. I figured I'd give him another day or two and see what happens.

  • No, I think he wants to go out with you and is a very busy guy. And you also are very busy, which makes things very difficult to find a time that works for both of you. Maybe you guys could go out on a weekend night since I doubt he works Saturday and Sunday nights.

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  • Well I likely wouldn't but then again I am pretty brutally honest.

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  • i think its jst a busy schedule thing. no personally I would not tell a girl that I wanted to hang out with her wen I didn't (but there's almost never a time I wouldn't choose to hang out with a girl so...). jst keep at it and maybe you 2 will find an empty slot somewhere in ur busy schedules.

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  • I'm kinda in ur situation buts its reverse...I always ask my girlfriend out but she is always busy...so its hella hard to find a wekend to hang out..which sucks because our relationship is kinda frozen right now...lol so I think he just has a really bad schedule.

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  • I have in the past, I told her we could hang out sometime and chill, but it was more of a yeah ill do it just so she would stop asking, not trying to be mean but knowing that I would make up an excuse to get out of it in the future, again not trying to hurt her feelings. I should have told her because it didn't help when she found out I found her annouying and that was why I didn't want to hang out with her. I have been really busy from time to time, but I could have always made time for a girl I liked to spend time with. that's all I have to say.

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    • That's horrible! lol. Don't you realize how that makes us feel? Then we sit there wondering wtf is going on. But thanks for the honesty :)

    • I agree with her. that's the worst feeling in the world. I'd rather you say 'i don't think it's a good idea if we hang out.' or something. jesus christ, haha

  • I wouldn't. If I did say that to a girl, I d mean it, not try to lead them on. The thing is, if I didn't like her and she liked me, I wouldn't want to lead her on.

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  • well somtimes no but this guy you are talking about txted you right and asked you if you wanted to hang out if so then yes he really does want to hang out with you.

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  • If I said yes it would be bcos I'm at least a little interested in her and wanna get to know her better. Sounds like you have verrrry busy schedules at the mo

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  • He clearly likes you...

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  • Well firstly no I would't tell a girl that I wanted to hang out with them if I didn't personally but he might and he just might not want to hurt your feelings by saying no.

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  • Nope I wouldn't I wouldn't waste her or my time, and then have her call me back like crazy and ask me what happened?

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  • Guys are pretty straightforward. If he wasn't interested, he wouldn't text you.

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    • If he wasn't interested in you at all, and was just being nice, he wouldn't have sent that text. Guys aren't going to open something up with a girl they don't like at all.

    • Well it had been a few days and I hadn't heard from him. I made the mistake of getting drunk and chatting with him online. I didn't remember the convo the next day, so I went back to reread it and he asked me to the movies, but then told me didn't like to make plans ahead of time. I told him I was confused, but he needed to go to bed. I then text him and told him I was still confused. I then apologized the next day for being so drunk, but no response. Should I call him or just let it be now?

  • No, I wouldn't do that to any girl unless I mean it.

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What Girls Said 5

  • What makes you think he didn't mean it? You were busy too everytime. Its just the timing is off For you too. It will work itself out eventually but don't think that he is putting you off cause that is not it. You had something going on too. You kept saying "We never got a chance" and "Our schedules were busy", which implies its just bad timing right now.

    On the other hand, if he had made plans with you and kept canceling or you make plans with him and he always says he is busy, then you can say he didn't mean really trying to talk to you but that's not the case here. You both tried so keep trying til you both are free.

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  • if you ask me, it sounds like he just gave up tring to figure out sometime to see you. guys are like that, there attention span as you should know is very short, and If he really likes you and really wants to know you more and go out, he would make some time. Sorry if my advice isn't helpful to you, but that's my opinion.

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  • I had the same situation before and I ended on giving up for that person. I guess some guys are really just acting all nice because they don't want the girl to get offended or more like they're just type who just can't say no. I know guys in general are straightforward. But then again, if the guy wants to hang out with you then you two would've been hanging out now right? busy or not.

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  • well some guys tend to do that. They don't want to hurt your feelings but at the same time he might not want to hang out because he likes you and don't want to take a chance at looking like a fool in front of you.

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  • i agree with katrinaperez, she's right. you should give up and find something better. nothings worse than a guy who won't give up some time to spend with you. there are other guys out there.

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