Long distance during college, advice please?

So I'm a second year student at NYU, and my boyfriend lives in LA. I love him so much, but I feel like he doesn't miss me as much as I miss him sometimes. I text him to see how his day is going and he takes forever to respond. I know he's busy with school and work as well, but would it be that hard to text me? We Skype once a week and that is always awesome, but I want to talk more because I miss him a lot. I am really bad at confrontation, especially since I wouldn't want to get in a fight over the phone, so what would be a good way to being it up to him? I don't want to be annoying to him or anything, I just really miss him


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Before things like Skype existed, I put a (real) relationship on pause to achieve goals that required distance. Two years later, goals were done and we happily married. After all, the WWII generation did it. They wrote letters to each other at best, until the war ended.

    But despite feeling very strongly loving for her, I really didn't want to talk to her (on the phone) more than once a week. It kind of got on my nerves when she called so much :)

    Its not that I didn't care, it was only that I wanted major updates, because the little stuff was hard to deal with emotionally and constantly reminded me that we were apart. I knew we were going to bring the distance issue to an end eventually, a plan was in place, and I didn't want to suffer any more than necessary until the day came when we could reunite.

    I don't know if he feels the same way about you. I'm not him.

    But what I am saying is, asking for only once a week is something myself, another guy, has done before with every intention of going all the way. It doesn't preclude that he's lost interest in you, or doesn't care.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Long distance doesn't work for long periods of time

    ever

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  • There are thousands of miles between you. You shouldn't expect too much of this.

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  • "I feel like he doesn't miss me as much as I miss him sometimes."

    That's almost certainly true. Most guys are not as dependent as most girls.

    "I text him to see how his day is going and he takes forever to respond"

    Again, very common, like most men.

    You could dump him and try to find another guy, but I don't see the point considering that this is typical guy behavior .

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What Girls Said 1

  • ''I feel like he doesn't miss me as much as I miss him sometimes''

    That's a big, BIG red flag in my book. Don't take my word for it, but to me it could mean the relationship isn't as solid as you thought. I too was kinda long-distance with me ex. We were just like... an hour away from each other, but we'd only get to see each other once a week, if that. There'd be stretches of 2-3 weeks when we didn't see each other at all, last summer. Why? Cause he was travelling, cause he was busy or things just weren't ''convenient''. And all these times, when I tried to maintain communication with him and keep our bond strong, I'd think to myself ''I wish he'd tell me he misses me and that he can't wait to see me more often. What if he doesn't even think about me? He's always on my mind, and it's like he doesn't care when I'm not around"

    And I was right. Towards the last days of our relationship, I flat out told him it hurt my feelings that he'd never tell me those things. I told him I felt like he DIDN'T miss me when we were apart. And you know what he replied? That he didn't want to bullsh*t me and tell me he had missed me if it wasn't true. Yep, that stung. But I realized then that if you feel like a guy doesn't care like you do, he probably doesn't. I know you probably put 100% of your trust in this guy, and that you probably believe you'll work through this if you're meant to be. But the fact is that if you feel like he's drifting away, he probably is and he's probably feeling it too. Times like these can last a while. You know, when one feels like the relationship is crumbling apart and the other one feels it too, but neither make it seem like they notice. Well, that's the toughest time, to me. But it feels phony to keep going, but you keep that nugget of hope that things will get better when you get back together. Sometimes it does, but from my experience, how you feel about the relationship when you're apart is JUST as important as how you perceive it when you're not. I think you're devoting yourself to someone who might not be as attached to you. As you said, it's not that hard to text someone you care about. I know guys bullsh*t us sometimes about them being ''busy'' and ''not having only this to do in their day''. But the truth is, if he really was into you, he'd care about your endeavours and what you're up to. He'd feel bad about not texting you back in a timely manner, and he'd miss hearing about you regularly. If he doesn't miss that, that's VERY telling. Please take this into considering alright? Good luck!

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