What exactly is going on here?

I've been seeing this girl I was really interested in for about four weeks now. Last Sunday I took her for a hike and dinner and ended the date with a kiss. Before that we went out for coffee, pizza, and studied and hung out a lot.

After the kiss we had a talk about "us." She said that she really liked me and thought I was cute and she wanted to date me and all that. However, she also mentioned that she got out of a bad relationship last April with a guy who cheated on her and she still needed to mentally recuperate from that. She also told me that she wanted to move extremely slowly and know me more as a friend before we dated.

At the moment, I was perfectly fine with it and understanding because I wanted to go slow with her too. Now I'm a bit confused by it. I feel like she placed me under a gun and I have to wait to see her ultimate decision, which God knows when that'll be (she said it may be a few months). I don't know what she is thinking because if she isn't interested, she is leading me on like crazy, especially by saying that she'd want to date me in the future, yet if she is interested, is it acceptable for her to have me wait? I don't know how long it takes to get over a 1.5 year break up.

She also mentioned that in the meantime I could see and date other girls. I told her though that she was the one I was interested in and I'd wait until she was ready. I'm not sure if this is another stab at letting me down or if she is being sincere and doesn't want me to wait. Or hell, maybe a test to see if I'd lose interest in her because of the wait and move on.

I thought I'd be able to stop thinking about the mixed signals she was giving me the first 3 weeks we knew each other, but I find myself still doing it while I wait and hope for the day that she is ready to let us happen. I'm a patient guy and I'm willing to wait months for her, because we get along beautifully and she even said she felt comfortable around me, but I also worry that she might just come out and say that she changed her mind about us, even though I was given the promise that I wouldn't be friend zoned in the time being.

Am I over thinking this? I want to believe that she is being sincere and means exactly what she said, but I worry that it won't work out that way. Any advice on your take on this, how to stop thinking this or points to reassure (or reality check) the situation would be appreciated.


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What Guys Said 1

  • In my humble opinion don't bother with her. The reason ? Well, let's assume for a sec that everything she said was true. That would mean that she could not forget about one guy for over 1.5 years and she isn't sure what she wants. The question is do you really want to be in a relationship like that ? it's like triangle relationship with her and a shadow looming in the back. Plus you never know when that guy might come into the scene again and if she couldn't forget him for 1.5 years I wonder wether she will be able to just ignore him when he chats her up.

    That is just my logic I could be wrong as I'm no expert haha

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    • No, she isn't hung up on a guy she dated 1.5 years ago, she is not yet ready to date again after about 6 months of breaking up with a guy she dated for 1.5 years.

    • I see but my point still stands.

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