Girlfriend only wants to go out/doesn't seem to understand the cost of dating?

I'm a 24 year old guy and have recently got my first ever girlfriend so I'm very inexperienced in this field.

Now as my girlfriend is a student and I work a decent job then I pay for 100% everything which I don't really mind. However she always wants to go out and never wants to come over to my place. I don't mean to do the deed but for like a film/dinner and to have a cozy time.

Right now paying for all this dating (and I'm not taking her to anything too fancy) is costing me quite a bit and I'm not sure she fully understands that because everything (tickets, meals, drinks) just get handed to her, she never sees the bill during dates.

As I work in finance, I feel that she might think that I earn more than I actually do, due to its reputation as a well paying field. (my salary is alright and will increase significantly over the next few years but right now its not that much). Now she has said that she doesn't choose her boyfriends by their wallets and she doesn't seem like a gold digger but I really feel that she doesn't quite understand that this is costing me a lot.

Tried to invite her over recently for a nice dinner/film and even mentioned that going out a lot is expensive but she got upset (not because of the cost, it was a different issue but that's another story) so yet again we're going out for our next date with me footing the bill of course.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to make it clear to a girl that I can't always be taking her out and if we are to spend time together, we have to do cheaper stuff as well?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • She just using you for free meals and bein spoiled while puttin in minimum effort. All women do this. If she really appreciated what you do for we she would offer to at the very least start paying her share or offer to do thins for you whether or not it costs money.

    Seriously you are part of the problem too. You are constantly Paton for everything.

    Se is going to let it g unchallenged of course. Mention that she souls pay of do something for you as relationships are 50 50. If she gys upset or offended then,

    Get rid of her don't let that gold digger feed off your success.

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What Girls Said 13

  • Tell her she can either pay her way or you can go out less often.

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  • Umm, I'm a female and I know that dates cost money, food costs money, drinks cost money, EVERYTHING costs money.

    So the issue is definitely not that she isn't realizing the cost of everything. The issue is that she doesn't care because you're still paying for it. You have to stop. And although it seems that the argument was about something completely different when you asked her to come over, please remember that females are sneaky and will find any reason to pretend to be upset if we want to.

    One of my male friends had a Girlfriend who I became friends with also, he would always gripe about the same issue but never knew how to say it to her. But since it wasn't my business I never talked to her about it when we were alone so as not to get in the middle of the relationship. One day she mentioned it to me herself and went on and on about how he better buy her things and take her wherever she wanted to go even if he had to borrow money because "that's what a boyfriend does". And she would have her own money and simply refuse to help out. She could see his gas tank on E while he drives her around and just not offer to help him out. It's sad, but some females are really like that. If you keep doing it, they will keep milking you.

    Next time she suggests going out somewhere, simply say, "Oh that sounds fun, but I'm broke right now.. We can just spend time together if you wanna come over :-)"

    Her response to that will tell you if you need to dump her or keep her. If the outting she suggested is important to her, she'll say something along the lines of, "Okay, I understand, I'll pay this time let's go!" or if it wasn't a huge deal she'll agree to come over or suggest something else free to do if she just doesn't want to be over at your place. Either of those types of responses shows a Girlfriend who is in the relationship to be with you, not benefit from you. If she starts an argument, gets an attitude, or anything that makes you feel bad, leave her. She's using you.

    I hope that she is just extremely naive and actually doesn't realize you don't have the funds. But simply mentioning you can't afford something will make that clear. If she ignores that, she isn't really worth having. She may be your first Girlfriend but always remember, just like you got her, you can find someone else.

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  • Ok, so yes, *sometimes*, a girl can not realize the cost of life. But that's if she's been living in a fishbowl for the past 20 years. If she was used to providing for herself, she'd know how expensive things are. I'm a student myself, I pay for most of my things, so I know how much a dinner for 2 costs, how much a taxi ride costs, how much a jug costs at a bar, how much movies for 2 with snacks costs, etc. I know that cause I'm used to paying for this stuff for myself, and I'm used to splitting things with a boyfriend. You know how I think things work the best? When you pay for the first dates until you become official, and then after you split things 50/50. It can get annoying to ALWAYS split 50/50, even a small fastfood meal for instance, but that's another story.

    Right now, your problem is that she takes all of this for granted. If I were you, I'd tell her "Look. I like taking you out. I don't mind covering the bill sometimes, but now that we're together, I don't find it fair that I pay for everything systematically. I would appreciate if you covered your expenses and I covered mine sometimes. Do you think you can do that? I'm asking you this because we're getting to a point where I can't afford spending xx$ every single week to go out. I wouldn't mind staying cosy at home with you. Do you think you'd like spending time with me like that?"

    Something along those lines. It's possible that she's avoiding cosy nights at home/ at your place because she still doesn't fully trust you and she wants to avoid giving you an opening for sex. I'm like that too. You never know what a guy's expectations are. But once you've been together long enough, she should trust you enough to know that you'll behave and not jump her bones if you're watching a movie on the couch with a blanket on both of you. It seems she's not there yet, so you still need more time to get to know each other.

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  • basically, this is just one of those situations where you've got to put on your big boy pants and tell her like it is. don't do it in a rude way; just calmly say something like, "look, I love going out with you, and I'm glad that you have fun. but having to pay for everything all the time is kind of hurting my finances. so, would it be possible for you to contribute sometimes or for us to start having more nights in?"

    when you tell her this, she will do one of two things...meaning that you can choose to do one of two things as well. if she smiles apologetically and says, "you are absolutely right; I'm sorry for never considering that, and I will pick up the tab sometimes/agree to more nights in..." then the problem is solved, and you can continue on with your relationship. if she turns up her nose and says, "no, it's wrong for a girl to have to pay, and nights in suck..." then I would strongly encourage you to send her packing and find someone who is a little less spend-y.

    i agree with what an earlier answerer said -- times have changed. the man does not have to pay for anything, nor should he pay for everything. personally, I hate it when guys do that...lol.

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  • Just sit down with her and tell her calmly that the two of you need to cut back on these dates. Don't start blaming her (I know you wouldn't do that deliberately, but you never know, she might take it the wrong way if you don't choose your words wisely). Tell her that you love to take her out and treat her to dinners and movies etc, but that you can't do it every time you decide to meet her. Then suggest some other things, like cooking at home and watching a rented movie, going on a walk, having a homemade picnic (either inside or outside, both are equally fun), playing board games and so on. If she still gets upset after that, then maybe she really is a gold digger... you never know, actions speak louder than words.

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  • Well, I've heard older guys say this and they have mentioned to not allow the woman to pick the date, because nine times out of ten it will pricey lol.. I don't necessarily agree with the older men 100 percent, but in your case, I do. I think that if she does want to go out, maybe you should take charge of the date and decide where you guys are going. I would again, relay to her the cost, and how it's weighing down on your pockets. She should be able to understand that, if she really cares about you. Why does she want to go out all the time anyway, maybe she should be casually dating and not in a relationship...(my opinion)... If she isn't meaning any harm and often clarifies to you that she isn't a gold digger then try the dinner/film date again or even include a board game (optional), just for fun. My ex boyfriend and I used to play board games, watch movies and order pizza. Sometimes, I would cook him a meal everything now and then before we went out, that way he didn't have to pay for a meal. I am sorry, but don't allow this young lady to control this situation. You're going to have to put your foot down because this is costing you bucks, sir.

    Good luck.

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  • Can you ask her to get a job?

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  • Please let her know your constraints. If after explaining she refused to be understanding then I would say she is pampered immature . Sorry I am being judging...

    pick another girl if she doesn't change her thinking.

    Guys can't be paying for every single item.

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  • Sounds like she is high maintenance to me. I always offer to pay 50% of the time. Times have changed. I would love a cozy night in.

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  • Okay, why don't you just sit her down and calmly explain the situation to her. Remind her that you don't have a problem with treating her, but all of the nights out are beginning to break the bank. Times are hard, and we do need our money for other things. I'm sure she'll understand if she really cares about you and not your wallet.

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  • You can always tell her to get a job.

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  • Just tell her...

    The next time she wants to go out say that you don't want to spend any money for a while. Invite her over and if she doesn't want to or is rude about you not wanting to spend money, then you can decide what to do next

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  • Just tell her calmly.she probably doesn't realize how it's affecting u

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What Guys Said 13

  • welcome to the world of dating , the girls you date will generally not care about the cost of things and see going out as a good time . there not really focused on money aspect , at least you got a girlfriend

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  • Just reading this question made me want to puke...

    What NERVE! A college punk who has no appreciation of money... BIG SURPRISE!

    Dump this bitch, and dump her FAST - I can't stress this enough... don't even call her. Just forget she ever existed :)

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    • I agree. OP she is using you as a never ending wallet.

  • This is so wrong. I went on a date today--and the girl was happy going to walk a trail together at a local mountain. And she was a 7, not a troll that doesn't get dates, haha.

    The first couple of dates, it's reasonable the girl expects decent dates. But if you've been going out like over a month, she really needs to not expect every time is some event that costs $50. Man, if every date I went on was dinner and movie--yeah, that could easily be $40, $50 every time. Stuff is expensive!

    If talking to her about it makes her upset, then explaining it to her obviously didn't work too well... next time, why not invite her over to have dinner, or invite her to something like a walk, etc? And if she gets upset, then why not tell her she can decide where she likes if she's paying? If you've been going out with her enough to call her your girlfriend, she should seriously be willing to at least pay her half of stuff.

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  • Most women don't understand money or the costs of anything. They feel its YOUR role to provide them with things they they want.

    Welcome to the world of dating!

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  • Ditch her. She obviously doesn't care about how much money its costing you . Remember, going for broke in a relationship doesn't mean actually going broke. There's nothing wrong with spending money on a girl, but make sure she's enjoying you and not your money.

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  • Dump her.

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  • Congratulations your dating a gold digger.

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    • Lol. I was going to comment along the lines of this but you took the words right out of my mouth

  • A lot of younger girls just don't understand the dollar and the value of it. Well, younger guys too. Until you start to earn money to support yourself it is tough to realize

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  • It's not PC to say so but women are expensive. The whole "equality" thing is very much a one-way street and it is guys who get stuck with the short straw every f***ing time. Women are all about equality until they are the ones who have to sacrifice to achieve it and then suddenly it's not about equality any more.

    Why do we as a society continue to deny this? Are women truly blind to it or are they just dishonest? I mean seriously, what females say here at GAG and what happens in the real wold are two entirely different things.

    Will that ever change?

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  • lol at all the people telling him to calmly explaining the situation to the GF. She knows what she's doing man. This isn't gonna end well, she's clearly being inconsiderate. Once you sit her down and tell her your concerns she'll be gone soon after. Look, her being a female has nothing to do with it. Both genders have people like this.

    Luckily, I've only dated one girl like this. It didn't last really. Moved in with my folks to save for a down payment on a house. So no going out for a 3-4 months. She didn't make it the first week before she bounced. Once I bought my house she magically re-appeared and wanted to work things out lol. These people just like you use others, sorry man but stay away. Next time lie about your job, say you're a janitor or something.

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  • Tell her calmly, that you have other bills and things to pay, and going out all time is not going to work anymore. Think about she probably has her parents who pay for everything for her, if she wants something she calls up daddy, and he writes a check, she says thanks dad hehe, and thinks well since my parents have money, then my boyfriend must have money also, since he has a real job and all.

    It really sounds like she is using you from what you typed. I get she wants to go out all time, but

    most women would agree to having dinner or a movie at your place. You really need to find out why she is so against staying at your house for dinner and a movie.

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  • It seems pretty obvious she's only with you for your money. Dump her

    If money to her wasn't important she would offer to pay for herself. Clearly money in a boyfriend is important to her when she spends no money on him or herself

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  • congrats on getting your first girlfriend, how did you do it?

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    • well that's all I need to know, your lucky man

    • LOL I got the joke.

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