Why do guys go from confident to clingy with me?

When I first started dating in my late teens, I was the clingy one. I'd want to talk to my boyfriend constantly, always wanted to hear how his day went, and would get almost mournful when I couldn't talk to him. After that went wrong and I got cheated on, I was heart broken but realized what I'd done wrong. I'm not justifying what he did, it was a d*** move, but I realized that I'd been smothering him and the last think I wanted to be was overbearing.

Unfortunately, I feel as though I've been getting a taste of my own medicine. I tend to date guys who are pretty confident in themselves, some of them have even been a little arrogant. I'd get to know them for a month or two first before agreeing to go on a date with them and then we'd get into a relationship. And after a year of initially meeting them, they'd get terribly and I mean TERRIBLY clingy. Eventually, it became overwhelming for me when I'd break it off and they went off on me with either guilt trips or insults. My girlfriends were all stumped, they had no idea why this was happening.

So tell me boys; if you were an overly confident and slightly arrogant prick what would make you a simpering, lovesick fool?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • it seems to me that you've swung the pendulum.

    At the root of arrogant people is often times a clingy sort of childish neediness for reenforcement. arrogance typically stems from insecurity and thus overcompensation. so these guys initial arrogance eventually subsides and all that is left is the underlying insecurity...hence being clingy.

    my opinion anyway.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Heh, if you don't want a guy to love you after a year and move the relationship forward, then just stick with f*** buddies. If you can't be comfortable being around someone after getting to know them for a year, and be use to spending time with them, the relationship is pointless... What would happen when you got married? You'd have to sleep in the same bed every night, eat meals together, make plans for the future and all that sh*t. Space is nice, I relish it, but after a year, you should be able to tolerate some warmth.

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    • Maybe space is a big issue of mine, I'll give you that. But I'm not exaggerating the fact that these guys have been overbearing. It just came to be a little, scratch that, way too much.

      How would you feel if you dated a girl for a year and within that time she'd gone from a nonchalant manner to not leaving you be even when you're working? I'm not talking about "some warmth" I'm talking about a pit of fire. . I have nothing against dating and becoming attached to each other, but damn...

    • lol, girls do tend to call and text even when I'm working (pretty much all of them at some point)... If I'm busy, I just get back to them later. So long as they don't nag me about ignoring them or send me 30 messages in a row I don't really care.

  • Power of the p****

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  • They're more into you then vice versa. Either that gets addressed, or it becomes a reinforcing pattern where they want more, you become more ambivalent, that makes them feel -less- secure.

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  • its just your perception

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  • Arrogance is easy to own when someone is single, self-reliant, and emotionally unattached. Their uncommitted, carefree lifestyle makes it conducive to retain such a stance. As with many people, once love enters the equation, they lose some or all of their individuality and thus the relationship becomes their identity and source of security. Frankly, this happens when a guy finds a good woman, meaning she is a good friend, supportive, attentive, caring, and good in bed.

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