I am dating a girl who has a long past of terrible relationships. She actually hasn't had a single positive relationship. Her father was never really around. She married the first guy who she dated after knowing him a short amount of time and then got divorced just as quick. She has dated mostly older guys who always treat her badly. And now she is with me. She is in her late 20s so I think she has learned her lesson and she is always telling me how much she appreciates me. But she does things like not let me know that she is going out of town. Or not return a phone call for a week. We were friends first and have only been dating a short while. How should I handle her like when she does things that aren't acceptable? And how can I move the relationship forward? She is a smart girl, so I know she knows better with most things. But I also know she doesn't have any idea about how to have a positive relationship. I am very comfortable with myself and confident, so I don't get down on myself. I am not the fixer type. I am just genuinely interested in her as a person and trying to be patient.
Most Helpful Guy
First of, make a list of the things that bug you. Divide the list in three piles.
1) things that just annoys you
2) Things that makes you sad/angry/insecure
3) Unacceptable things
Now, disregard 1) and stop thinking about it. Those things are just life.
Try talking to her to understand why she does 2), without judging, and with a genuine interest in learning why it is like it is. Explain how it makes you feel without blaming.
Then set down your foot and tell her the things she must change in 3) and walk away if she can't.0