Ok, I need some advice--from people that don't know-me know me. I know this is an unoriginal question, but I am (I think) a weird enough case.
So, I am smart and attractive, and confident in both of those aspects. I used to be an ugly duckling (very ugly btw), but I am very much not that anymore. Because of this ugly duckling thing and being ostracized as a kid, I am a little socially awkward/inexperienced, and just weird. I didn't have the "normal American teen" experiences--didn't go to prom, never had sex, never had a boyfriend, never gotten a real valentine etc. I dated a little in college, but because of my experiences growing up (being bullied/harassed by other kids and family), I was never able to let guys physically touch me really. It was always an automatic response, and I hated my reaction.
I have since come to terms with this stuff, and am ready to move on with my life and have sex (finallyyy). The thing is, now, I get asked out by men, generally 5-6 years older than me, sometimes more. And they assume I am experienced, but they don't know that I have undergone a huge personal/physical transformation, and they don't EVER realize how much of a big dork I am on the inside (still the same kid in some ways). And how slow they need to go for me--just so I can become physically comfortable with them. These older guys tend to be a little shy but straightforward and direct in making their moves.
The thing is I need a guy that is willing to be friends first (or primarily)--a guy that will care enough, and I am not attracting such a guy. I feel like I am attracting the wrong guys (they are nice, but I don't think I can handle them; they are too mature/old) or presenting myself wrong. Is there something I can do? Am I doing something wrong?
How can I break this boundary/obstacle in my life? I just want to be in a real relationship now and I want to have sex like a normal adult, but I just suck at the pre-dating and dating stuff, and I need things to go slowww.
Sorry it's long, but hats off to you if you read it all!
Most Helpful Guy
I don't think you're doing -anything- wrong. Its just that as people get older, the pace they move speeds up. Now its not shocking that this is a challenge for you, but it doesn't mean you're doing something 'wrong'. It just -is- something you'll have to deal with.
You say that the guys you are attracting are 'a little shy but straightforward and direct'. To be honest, this sounds to me from that 7 word assessment - like the way guys who were shy and not great at dating when younger behave as they get older and a little better at dating. I bet they DO see the dorky side of you and they have the same thing and its part of what they like in you.
Where are you meeting guys, and how old are you actually?
Once your outside of school, friends first is extremely unusual. In school people often make new friends all the time and have the opportunity to get to know people and then magically become a couple when they know they both like each other. Once you're in the workforce, you meet many fewer new 'friends'. So you actually have to -try- to date. In this case, people tend to date with no illusion that they 'might be friends instead'. Most of them have enough friends but are actively looking for a relationship (or less, in some cases, but still). Some may move faster physically, some slower, but there is no question that they are on that path, and if that isn't the direction things are going, they stop seeing each other.
Can you describe a little more what 'things going slowww' would mean to you?
And -when you say you're ready to have sex, can you describe what -that- means to you?
Incidentally I don't think you have any insurmountable problems here. Just some challenges. That's how life works :)0
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