I want to date but I feel I will have to leave the US to do so?

I was born and raised in the US and I'm a mixture of Indian and other races. Being 27 years old I have been dateless all my life. I have met few girls at school but it just like classmates and never see or hear from them again. They seem more into other guys and never me in any kind of way. They usually approach me because they need help with someone, maybe computer help or homework since I'm good at math and science. I'm graduating next semester and I'm really now considering saying bye to the US and find some other country to be at where I will be appreciated. I was thinking of moving to India or perhaps somewhere to Europe.

As for my skin I would say I'm a olive tone or tanned color, but nothing dark. I see mostly white guys here getting dates and girlfriends, so if I want to date a woman from the US, then I will have to my skin bleached to white color. That is how I see it.

I recently met a 18 year old Polish girl online and we starting talking on Skype, and she told me she finds me interesting. After seeing this I'm beginning to think even Europe could possibly be a better place for me to have dates. The US, I think I had it with this country, I'm not very happy here.

I will have to say goodbye to family and friends and say I will never return to this country.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Your ethnicity has nothing to do with it. You wish to blame your lack of success on women for "disliking" your background, but, really, that is inapplicable and unconnected.

    Guess what, I am a woman, and I have found many men of Indian heritage to be incredibly attractive. There is a decent sized community of people of such ancestry where I live, and if our personalities and aims matched, I would be willing to pursue further. (I am not currently dating, though, I should note.)

    I think a poster below, MrOracle, made the correct observation that you seem to be what is called a "Nice Guy." Many "nice guys" claim to "finish last" in the dating scene, but it really has more to do with their personality (not their appearance, not their social status, not their career), and shared trait of blaming the world.

    Please refer to these two articles:

    link

    link

    You need to learn to love yourself and to be proud of yourself before you can expect a woman to do the same. Girls are looking for someone "complete" them, and if all a guy does is play the victim and blame his situation on others, he is not contributing to the relationship - he is draining and taking things away.

    You need to experience a firmness, and I will give that to you by saying that, as it stands, I would not date you. Is my view in response to your parentage? Absolutely not. It has to do with the fact that I cannot grow and develop two people at the same time (I am enough work for myself!) - but if you took responsibility and action, I would be willing to attempt a relationship that would /better/ each other. Does that make sense?

    Leaving the United States will not deliver the answer you desperately desire, especially if it is with the sole purpose to locate a wife or girlfriend. I encourage you to travel, if you wish, and perhaps your partner really is out of the States somewhere... but you will only find her if you are meant to. Don't be blinded to the world, though; I have heard of too many occurrences (for both males and females) where a person is used to gain something (which can happen even in the US, I suppose... but I would be more careful with someone from another country).

    Anyway, that is all beyond the point.

    Please take time to contemplate the articles I sent. It will take time to notice a change, if you genuinely acknowledge what must be improved, but I guarantee it will. Just know that love is not something that you have a right to - women are not obligated to love you - you must earn it. Each member in a relationship must extend their entire being for it to work.

    Best of luck.

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What Girls Said 5

  • "I see mostly white guys here getting dates and girlfriends, so if I want to date a woman from the US, then I will have to my skin bleached to white color. That is how I see it."

    So you're blaming your skin color for your nonexistent love life? I'm brown skinned and I have a white boyfriend. How did that happen? I could easily say "I see mostly white girls here getting dates and boyfriends" but that's not the case.

    To date, you have to put in effort. Girls aren't going to just swarm to you. That goes for most guys. And most girls (guys won't just swarm to them). You have to show interest and go for the kill.

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  • It may be other things like your confidence or approach or shy nature. But it may be that you don't have to leave the US, maybe just the city you live. A more diverse area might help you meet more diverse people. And also sometimes its just not the right time in life for some people. Don't compare yourself to others, things will happen in your own time.

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  • Indian as in American native? or Indian from India?

    I would say it's your personality overall not because of your skin color. If you look more into it, what do they have that you don't have or are lacking in?

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  • Then do so. Although your ethnicity is irrelevant.

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  • I saw the sexiest guy today at Kroger and he was tan and looked either Indian, brazillian or itallian something of that sort, and and I would jump on it in a sec.

    But he was a sexy confident motherf***er

    confidence is key

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What Guys Said 11

  • Chances are, you'd find yourself with the same problems, or different ones, if you left the country. You might not get "ignored", but you might get girls who only want you for your money or for a green card. You might think that is better, but once you got in that situation, you'd realize you were wrong.

    Here's the thing: you can't change other people, you can only change yourself.

    Women want certain things in men. If you aren't able to attract women, it has to be because you aren't giving them what they want. You can either complain about THEM, which will get you nowhere, or you can CHANGE *yourself* so that you can give them what they want. If you do that, you'll be successful with women no matter where you are.

    If ever girl you've met isn't interested, you either have to assume that ALL of THEM are the problem, or YOU are the problem. Given that lots and lots of Indian and other ethnic guys can get girls, of various races, blaming the problem on your skin is a bunch of crap. You're just in denial that the real issue is your personality and attitude. You sound like a "Nice Guy", and Nice Guys don't get girls.

    Start by reading this website:

    link

    I recommend you read it every day for a month, or longer if it takes you longer to understand and accept what they're trying to say. You have to be willing to change how you think about yourself, about women, and about relationships. The way you've been approaching it isn't working, so it's time to accept that a different approach is needed.

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    • I guess I just don't have things women want. Maybe I should go for a girl in a very poor country.

    • The things they are looking for are not monetary, but attitude and confidence. They are personality changes. You could CHOOSE to make those changes or not.

  • Greetings brother. When you say 'India', I don't know if you mean the native American 'Red Indians', or the people from India. If it is the latter, then please read on.

    I'm a 27 year old guy, and an Indian residing in India. Needless to say, my skin color is similar to yours (dark brown). And I too have never had a girlfriend in my life and I'm a virgin as well. Please don't pay heed to these people who say that you need to have confidence, you need to change yourself etc. The bitter truth is that, ethnicity does matter a lot. People all over the world are of the opinion that ALL Indians are 'smelly and ugly'. Earlier, this was only used for people residing in India, but now it has extended to even others who just are just of Indian origin, but not associated to that country in any way (like yourself). I've heard lots of people all over the world say that they'd prefer white or dark skinned people to date, but NEVER brown skinned Indians.

    And you know something more shocking. Even here in India, the girls prefer men with fair skin. As you probably know, Indians have varying skin color, ranging from 'fair' to ' very dark'. And the Indian girls, irrespective of their own skin color, almost always prefer fair-skinned men. If a guy is even a shade darker than 'fair', he's out of luck. The reason I'm saying this is, you relocating to a different country or even India, will not really bring you satisfactory results. When Indian girls themselves don't prefer brown or dark skinned Indian men, you could very well imagine what chances you may have elsewhere.

    Like you mentioned in one of your comments, the only possible way for brown skinned, Indian origin men to get a date or a wife, is to try their luck in poor countries. Or else, the other option is to get filthy rich, so that women would date you for you money and ignore your ethnicity.

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    • I have to admit I have met some smelly Indian guys and whoa it is bad. For me I'm mostly to half Indian but I have two other races mixed in me as well. I have recently open a profile on Fdating and got a messages from a 22 year old Russian woman in the Moscow area. I have my picture on there so obviously they know what I look like. So I'm kind of thinking what these people said on comments probably is true maybe not my race and maybe something else.

    • That's good for you. Do have a look at my pics. Am I So unattractive?

  • OK while I do have a low opinion on US women overall I don't think you want to leave the US unless you intend on picking up one of those girls who is like... a slave somewhere or something.

    Guys say girls are shallow all the time, but the soil they stand on does not dictate that at all. You can find just as many shallow girls in any continent I am sure.

    I see ads for "BBC" all the time on craigslist so there are girls into darker skinned guys.

    Plus you didn't "meet" an 18 year old girl from Europe until you've met her in person.

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  • Racism issues and stereotypes you have mentioned are very prevalent in the US, unfortunately. Ironically though, you're the perfect American: You're some sort of a racial mix, you're educated, you're into your own self and you despise restrictions your community is enforcing on you.

    But fear not! For travel/moving is key -- travel gives you confidence, teaches you about mankind and gives you a reboot, especially at your age. Wherever you choose to go -- had it been Japan or Arabia -- you're not only going to find people (or girls) very interested in you, but you'll also find in yourself an imminent attraction and an instant tendency to give the best impression of yourself to all those lucky, new people you're going to meet abroad. Travel helps you discover your potential.

    It is almost unbelievable, but even a journey to a far away country as short as two weeks will make an astounding impact. Just make sure you're finishing your degree and securing your career path, just to make sure finding a job in that country wouldn't be a problem. You could even volunteer -- volunteering for a cause would turn you into a social, loveable person.

    So far, you'd have probably noticed how much of an impact your academics have had on your role in the community; it's sort of normal for IT professionals to be too absorbed into their screens and codes that they'd think the outer world is the virtual one, and expect to have male friends and date girls afterward, but it just never works that way. This is why I am suggestion you take a radical turn and jump into what you'd have never done before, also in a far away country! Best of luck bro, let me hear about your foreseeable adventures! Drop me a line if you do.

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  • yeah you're probably right- I have some close Indian friends from college and they're in the same boat as you... something about Indian guys doesn't click well with American girks

    I'd be careful about Europe- in WESTERN Europe, there's a huge flood of Indians, arabs and Africans, and women tend not to give them much attention. In Central & Eastern Europe (Such as poland), you will have girls interested in you

    another alternative is Latin American... I've seen Indian friends pull smoking hot latin girls; Latinas don't have that anti-Indian feel either it seems

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  • I say you should try it, sometimes the grass is greener on the side

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  • Good luck, bye bye.

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    • Why would you not try to help or give advice, instead?

    • Do you seriously think that someone who plans to move halfway around the world because he thinks everyone but him is the problem is actually going to listen to advice?

  • OMG ! , Your trying to change the environment and not looking at changing yourself . As for a mixture off races , who cares , knowledge is the key , expand your mind and be a " Sex God " .

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    • The need to change one's environment is a real, instinctual one in some people to survive or improve their lives. That's how people came to America in the first place.

  • Time to go to Colombia

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  • The fact us guys have to be strong and confident, independent and have to have a life

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    • basically us guys are not supposed to desire companionship, we are expected to be like robots

  • Buh bye...

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