Would you date/marry someone who self-injures?

And I don't mean cutting, but any way one injures themselves like burning, bruising, etc.

Would you date/marry them if it was something they were trying to stop and were working on healthier ways to cope?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I would totally date someone that hurts themselves, because I date people I like as a whole, I mean there's not something that defines a person, there's so much to a person than that, but I would have to like them a lot (I always date people I like A LOT. slight interest is not enough for me) what I'm trying to say here is that I don't think the fact that someone hurts themselves would make me go away if I'm really into that person. Of course we have to consider that if a person hurts themselves that bad is going to have deeper psychological issues and that could really bother me because I like being around people that makes me happy.

    I actually was very attracted to a guy that cut himself when I was younger, not because of that though , but because he was dark and mysterious and had a great personality and I thought of him as a very compassionate person, but he was always sad and talked too much about his problems, I tried helping him but it I ended up being depressed whenever I talked to him, so as much as we had chemistry and all I had to let him go, not because he cut himself, but because he wasn't making me happy, in fact on the contrary he made me feel sad.

    The fact that the person would be trying to stop and working on it would definetely help and I would make sure I helped them as much as I could to make them better, but again, would put my happiness first, as selfish as that may seem.

    Best of lucks to you beautiful stranger :)

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What Guys Said 10

  • Most people hae damage from an unhappy childhood. Some drink, some watch Oprah, believe in Satanic cults or fembottism...some abuse themselves, some get involved with people they KNOW will abuse them..

    I don't despise people just because they have a weakness; iI's not like they WANT to have it, and deep down, they'd love to overcome it and stop the behaviors that you mention.

    Hopefully, I can help them if I'm involved with them. That's not always true, but one lives in hope!

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  • I've dated a few girls who have, it doesn't really make me dislike a girl or rule out dating her. But it was definitely scary and stressful at times for me... I'd live in worry at times just hoping they would be OK. They were still lovely people and we had great times as a couple, but it's definitely a lot harder to deal with mentally.

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  • Yes, and I'd do my uttermost best to understand, support and lover her as much as humanly possible. I personally have had a long history with SH, for myself it was primarily cutting but I experimented too... Right now am still resisting but relapsed last week for the first time in months. If I could be the one to help her cope enough without needing self harm, then maybe she could be the one to save me too.

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  • I don't think so. I could probably work my way around it, if I developed feelings for them, and later found out about it. Still though, I'd always have the thought on my mind that if something goes awry she's gonna go off the deep end, and off herself. That's just not a concern I want to deal with in a relationship.

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  • To marry a girl, I have to love her.

    To love a girl, she must first love herself.

    A girl who hurts herself in such terrible ways doesn't love herself.

    Therefore, I would not. I would be supportive of their recovery, but I wouldn't marry and probably not date until they are fully healed and have been deemed stable by a therapist.

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  • I would still date them certainly. The only condition is that they allow me to help them and are willing to explain to me why they do it. (And of course don't do it after we have an argument or something like that, since it's under no circumstances okay to use it as a way to trick your partner into a guilt trip)

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  • No

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  • Yes as long as there trying to stop.

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  • No. No crazies!

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  • No. No way. That's a huge red flag, and indicates mental instability. My own 18 year old sister did that for almost a year, despite me and my parents best efforts to stop her, before running away and attempting suicide.

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What Girls Said 5

  • I would date a guy who self-harms, as long as he’s genuinely trying to stop (I would be there for him and try to help him), and as long as he’s not a violent person. I watched my older sister go through hell with her ex-boyfriend who used to cut himself. He was just so angry, and had so many issues. He would regularly guilt my sister into going over to his house by telling her that if she doesn’t, he might kill himself because he’s so depressed and needs her.

    I wouldn’t marry someone who self-harms.

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  • I think I'd have to wait until he's completely recovered before I could date him. I've never dated someone who self injures, but I've dated guys with other addictions/problems and from my experience, I know that I'm kind of an enabler. I wouldn't be good for him if he's struggling with a problem.

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  • No. I don't want to deal with some narcissistic drama queen. That's just how I feel about it.

    They need to seek therapy.

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  • No. For one, it's a huge sign for emotional abuse.

    Also, I have depression problems. I need someone who can bring me up, not bring me further down.

    I also think that self-harm is something that weak-minded people do, sometimes for attention. That's just my opinion on it, and I'm sure people will not like my opinion.

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  • No. he needs to resolve those issues first before he even thinks about getting in a serious relationship. Progress from TRYING to stop and WORKING on healthier ways to cope to HAS STOPPED and FOUND healthier ways to cope. I'm just being honest

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