Question about girls that send first emails to guys on dating sites?

First off, I'm not into online dating websites, I prefer meeting girls in real life. But I have a profile up for whenever I'm bored. Once in a while I get an email and usually the girl says something quick like "Hey there :)" And it really confuses me because I read so many female profiles that tell guys we have to say more than just hi. And I've read advice columns that say guys need to write an interesting email if they ever want a response. So why do so many girls send one or two-word emails and expect me to write back? Sometimes I'll write back "hi" as a joke because I'm not going to put any more effort into it than they did. Just seems like a double-standard to me.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Women get way more messages than men on these dating sites. So if a guy really wants to make himself stand out among all the "hey"s and "hi"s and "hey beautiful"s, he has to write something else that showed he's really interested in her and is not just copy-pasting the same 2 words to 1500 girls.

    Men, on the other hand, don't get as many messages from girls, so a lot of men would put up by a simple "hey there", because a message from a girl is better than no message, right? And you did reply to her, which proved my point, eventhough you gave no effort in your reply, but you DID reply. I wouldn't even reply to a guy who just said "hi there", unless (!) I find him really attractive, then I would reply, but also give as little effort as you did, to test whether or not he's actually capable of a decent conversation or whether he is a dumb guy looking for hookups (tons of those on the internet)

    Seems like a double standard, but it's how it is with online dating. Some websites even are free for women, but men have to pay. The number of men is just way higher than women, so many women believe that a simple "hey there" is enough to show the guy that she is interested. I don't do that by the way, I always look at the profile first, and point out some things we have in common. I almost never write to a guy first, but if I do, I send a message with 3 or 4 sentences.

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    • to respond to your comment below: girls usually don't send out the same message to 10000 guys. girls only message the guys that catch their attention. Very unlike guys.

      And thanks for the BA!

What Girls Said 1

  • girls are not traditionally (menaning culturally, in history) used to contact nor pursue guys first.. that's why they want to keep it short, just enough to show interest. and even then, you complain for it not being 'enough'.. if they wrote even longer messages, are you sure that wouldn't be even a major turn off for you guys? looks like only just saying 'hi' already is..

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    • Yeah but girls complain about guys not reading profiles and that they could be sending the same message to a bunch of girls. But she's allowed to send a generic message to me? No way!

      Sending a well thought-out message that is tailored to me lets me know that she looked at my profile. That would not be a major turn-off. If it was, that would be a double-standard and I don't believe in double standards. Girls expect me to read what they wrote in their profile, and I expect the same.

    • i understand your point, maybe you're afraid they're only contacting you because you're good looking and think these girls only go for that? well, being a girl I know you get messaged 90% just because of that anyway. but if you're a guy, it's more them 50% reading your profile first, 50% feeling attracted by pics (imo)..

    • Haha I'm definitely not thinking they are messaging me because of my good looks!

What Guys Said 1

  • it's not a double standard. you have to realize these women are getting messaged a lot and most are from shallow insensitive men that have some sort of sexual intention. Hey there does seem like a common first response for women. If they are making any effort at all then think of that as a compliment. Do you seriously walk up to people at the store and start off with a clever or interesting sentence or do you say hello or hey there first? same thing here dude!

    I had received a "hey there" and I made a respectable smart-ass comment about her stalking my profile and that's all you have to say ..." I would expect more from someone that went out of their way to creep on me like that,lol"

    and that sparked an amazing 3 month relationship !

    Don't take life so seriously

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