Dating a girl with a long-distance boyfriend?

Last month I started talking to a girl in one of my classes. I somehow didn't notice her at first, but she started to sit next to me nearly every class, and when I interacted with her in even the smallest way she would smile or blush, and giggle a lot at anything that could be construed as humorous.

So I ask her to get coffee and she said yes. I got her number and she seems quite enthusiastic about it, being liberal with exclamation points at the end of sentences and all. Anyway, the kicker is, I looked her up online and discovered that it seems like she still has a boyfriend, who lives across the country. There are photos of the two spanning last year to last week when he presumably visited here for a short time, and I figure they're still together because the recent photo of both of them hugging got comments from friends of the "so cute" variety, etc.

But, obviously she hasn't said anything about this, and I only know because I'm weird and always look people up online. And I know from the way this girl acts -- very shy and nervous around me (jumbled words, blushing, just acting strange) but occasionally unusually talkative and revealing of how her week's going, etc. I just can tell that she is into me. And that makes me even more into her. In fact, I can't remember the last time I was so attracted to a girl.

The coffee "date" is in a few days, and I'm really looking forward to getting to know her more and possibly having something develop, BUT at the same time I feel really weird with the whole boyfriend thing. Should I? What should I do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Looking people up that you are thinking about maybe one day sharing bodily fluids or a life with is not weird. Girl code is to Google them until your fingers bleed. People are nuts in the world we live in so it is important to know everything you can about them. That is not weird its smart.

    You need to ask her if she has a boyfriend or ask one of her online friends.

    If you continue to date her after she says she has a boyfriend that is gross and I would question your character. That would be messy. Commitment is commitment regardless of the distance. If you don't want the commitment break up with him. So for her to play with his emotions if it is a boyfriend makes me want to vomit. If you stay with her she will do the same to you. I would get down to the bottom of it and don't make excuses. You are too good for that.

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What Girls Said 7

  • just ask her, hey are you single/seeing anyone? then ask her if she is in the market

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  • Technically you're not dating. I go for coffee dates with my female friends. However, you should back off. Long distance is hard an everyone gets crushes whether or not you're in a relationship. She's just dumb ebough to give in.

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    • Dating does not equal a relationship my friend

    • No but unless you make interest in a relationship blatantly obvious or explicitly say it's a date, it's not a date.

  • You should back off.

    Either way it's a bad situation: Either you come in between she and her boyfriend and play a crappy part in the karmic circle. Or you get the girl and you realize she's not to be trusted because not only did she lead you on while she had a boyfriend, but she wanted to have her cake and eat it too.

    Looks like a lose/lose.

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  • Ask her if she has a boyfriend.

    If she lies, dump her.

    If she's honest, give her a chance to explain. The situation can be a lot more complicated than it looks. Everyone deserves to be heard out.

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  • If she already have bf,be friends! Don't assume you just get hurt in the end.

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  • Ask her! You don't know that it's a boyfriend... It could be an old family friend, cousin, anything. And if it is a boyfriend, you don't know why they're arrangement is. Maybe they've agreed to stay close, but meet other people while they are far away. If she isn't upfront, it's your job to ask, and make your boundaries clear.

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  • Why are you dating a girl with a boyfriend? Are you trying to get your ass kicked?

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What Guys Said 1

  • A boyfriend is a boyfriend, no matter where he lives. I say let it go.

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