Why did he cut off communication from one day to the next?

My boyfriend and I been dating for 4 yrs, it's been difficult because of our work schedules but we made the efforts to at least see each other one to 2 days a week. He's very close to his mother and appx 3 weeks ago she became very ill and admitted into icu, she coded twice. He wasn't reaching out as much, and I offered to be there and offered support.. I was upset that he excluded me, and wouldn't response. After 5 days of texting him messages I asked to let me know something something, that this was also taking a toll on me. Finally he's response and said " babe I apologize but I'm a mess right now going through something and then you get mad at me I could not handle it. I will reach out for you. I love you." That the last time I heard from him. I'm taking this very hard because I took this as his way of break up. I'm confuse do I wait? Or reach out.. by the way I haven't reached out to him.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Men are weird when it comes to medical issues. I recommend that you take it down a notch and try to put yourself in his shoes. What could you use in that situation to help make it through from day to day in the Hospital (people don't often eat when they are upset). ME? I died 367-days ago. It was remarkable because I went to the hospital to be present for my father, who was having a pancreatic procedure which was going to keep him in the Hosp a few days. I actually considered going the next day, after he had been admitted and had the surgery (yup, selfish). While in the Waiting Room, I suffered a myocardial infarction (my heart stopped beating due to a blockage without prior warning/symptoms, although my blood pressure was surely high). They tried an angioplasty, but nearly blew out the artery. So, I ended up with a quintuple bypass operation that saved my life and I walked out of the hospital on my own power 12-days later. PHEW! My father has been fine, and his diabetes has been fine (his pancreas had swollen due to some medication he was on). Anyway: Guys tend to handle family medical emergencies strangely, particularly for their mothers. The best thing you could do is simply be there for him (I"m not talking about vcmls, emails, or text msgs). If you want to win his heart, be there for his Mom and him! This is a golden opportunity to make this ONE impression! Don't blow it! Buy a small bouquette of flowers with a card, bring them to the Hospital for his mother's room, and bring HIM something to eat (if he has a favorite sandwich / sub place, go there and pick up his favortie!). Do not announce that you are doing any of this. Just DO IT, and show up. Don't plan on camping out at the Hospital, probably spend like an hour or so there so he knows you care. Do it again a day later. Hopefully, her condition will improve and she'll be released soon. He does not need or want someone who is NEEDY at this time. He has enough going-on sitting there next to his mother. Don't get in the way of the family, and if there is someone there that upsets you - (like an ex-girlfriend who might be close to his Mom) - just suck it up and be supportive with a supportive smile (he will appreciate your efforts, and he will later be drawn to the amount of empathy that you felt for him while he was going through a Trying Time). Don't get 'underfoot' or be a bother, just give him a hug and let him sit and stare at his mom. He will remember what you have done for him for a LONG ... LONG ... TIME! :-)

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What Guys Said 5

  • Some of the toughest battle a guy will ever face will be in their own heads. This is why guys are more likely to suffer depression...we get stuck in our own heads and can't find the door out. Just keep reminding him if he needs a hand your there.

    This is not a break up - he just needs to clear his mental space. Note that his friends will feel the same as you right now. Even his family will find him distant.

    He doesn't see friends, family or girlfriend...he see's complication. That will change - he just needs to clear his head and realize your all there to help.

    Just remember for all the mental struggle your facing - its 10 times worse for him.

    ifred.org/ and depression.org.nz/ might help.

    He will get there - it just takes time.

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  • He's not breaking up. He didn't tell you he broke up, did he? If he's not direct about it, don't just assume based on assumptions and what you "think" he was trying to say.

    I know you've been dating for 4 years, so I don't know why he wouldn't want you to be there with him. But if he wants to handle this himself, let him do so. He may be afraid of showing you his emotions.

    After this is over, maybe he'll open up some more.

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  • If there was love there... he has respect no to drag you down with him... that said, he may have needed a break. If it was the latter, then you deserve closure.

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  • Yeah it's OK. Maybe he's busy devoting his time toward being there for his mother. He told you he loves you so IMO he's letting you know that he's still devoted to you but can't really give you the time that he needs to right now.

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  • Wow, you're a Cutey... and a FREAK... I Can Tell, You Set My Freak Alert OFF Immediately. I like Freaks! They are FUN! I'm into Fun, also. I'm not necesarily a FREAK, but I'm definitely right on that border line of FREAK-hood, I certainly LOVE FREAKS! I Love them Fast and HARD, and until everything gets wet! Can you help me out? You just need a change in boyfriend-scenery.

    I am your Answer! Write to me, Sweetie! <3

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What Girls Said 5

  • I don't know. When my mom died I wanted to be with people not push them away. I really just don't understand his behavior.

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  • I don't think it's a break up. I think it's just his way of saying that he's really busy and he needs some time to be alone and collect himself before he includes other people in what is going on.

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    • I agree with dwright1022. But, I will say this: If he is having trouble communicating at a time like this then I can only have concerns as to how he might be at any point in the future communicating during stressful times. A real cause for concern IMO.

  • Because he doesn't like you anymore

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  • He's just not that into you

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  • Sound like a bunch of bs to me.

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