Does anybody know the answer to this question?

When it comes to the world of online dating, why is it that women (who are crazy and/or not that attractive) is it possible to have a normal 2 way in depth getting to know you conversation that usually ( after a few days/emails) ends with a date and time to meet up at a public place like the mall and go on a date, and when it comes to women who are not that crazy and/or somewhat attractive, its like an uphill struggle to try and have an in depth conversation that involves the woman asking questions and giving more than just one or 2 painfully dull worded responses while all the while realizing that a date at the mall is a very basic and normal, non commitment involving and SAFE next step?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've done lots of online dating and I've known cute and ugly guys that couldn't hold onto a conversation. I don't think it has anything to do with looks but personality.

    Why don't you go to a bookstore with a coffee shop, play putt putt, bowl, something where you are doing something you can talk about?

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    • I have done that a few times but I do suffer from social anxiety from time to time. The problem is not having nothing to talk about because 99% of the women that I talk to online I have at least 3 or 4 things in common with, which is what I try to talk about in hopes of starting a conversation but it just gets met with boring unenthusiastic 2 or 3 word responses.

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    • The last one she just blew me off on cause I guess she thought that blowing me off made more sense than just telling me she wasn't ready (for reasons that probably only made sense to her) (mind you I sent that last one after like 6 emails)

    • I sent a new response so I could type more.

What Girls Said 3

  • "(notice how I'm the only one asking the questions)" Yup

    With these kinds of people I wouldn't even bother meeting them. Also limit how many questions you ask someone and don't answer them too, "what kind of outdoor activities are you into? Camping and snowboarding for me :)" Conversations will last longer if you spread it out.

    My response would've been more like, "Hey hows it going? I see were both fans of comic book movies, do you have a favorite?" Let her respond and possibly ask you a question. If she doesn't then you can respond to her movie answer and give her your movie answer. Then maybe ask about outdoor activities. If she only answers and still doesn't ask you a question I would let the conversation die.

    Asking how she is, about comics, movies, outdoors is a bit overwhelming for a first response. Drag it out don't give her a pop quiz. Make sure you can have a conversation before asking to meet.

    Also I won't go out on a date with someone unless we've been chatting a few weeks at least. Anything earlier makes me think he just wants sex, honestly scares me a little or maybe he's desperate.

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    • Thank you very much for the response! :) But how does asking for a date after 6 or 7 emails convey a desire for a one night stand, being a psycho or desperation?

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    • I've been pressured to have sex in a car on a first date. He was drunk and got angry when I said no and tried to leave. I still managed to get away but it's terrifying for me on a first date. That's why I like to take things slow and genuinely trust his intentions before meeting.

      You don't know what it's like to be helpless or a victim.

    • Oh my god! Well that guy isn't a real man. He's a child. And douche bag jerk offs like those just ruin it for us real men. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

  • Seems like you are assuming that you aren't crazy and/or are attractive yourself.

    The only people (men and women) I've noticed who have problems with dating Online or in real life have many issues, especially with socializing.

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    • That's a possibility I definitely haven't ruled out by any means, but I actually don't think that I'm extremely attractive, I think I'm sorta attractive (like maybe a 6 or a 7) And as I stated in the question, I seem to socialize a lot better when the girl I'm talking to is social herself (social meaning very talkative in her emails) and My only gripe is with the girls who initiate the conversations with me (Attractive/not crazy and unattractive/crazy)

    • Boring people exist. Some people simply aren't good with conversation, especially if there isn't anything in common for them to talk about.

      IF those two categories of women is all you have to choose from online, then you should consider other avenues or change whatever it is that is attracting them to you.

  • i would try and meet people through other means rather than online dating sites. all I hear are nightmare stories about people lying about who they really are and then having serious issues... and that applies to both women and men.

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