I think he's lost interest. Too soon to ditch him?

Following my previous question link

I've been dating this guy for a week. We saw each other on Friday, Sunday and Wednesday pretty much all night long. We've texted everyday of the week and I didn't kiss him until Wednesday.

Things were going well but last night, he turned me off a LOT. He had asked me to lend him something as a favour. I met him up on my way home to give him that. He suggested he'd go by my place to give it back to me at the end of the night, after his squash games with 2 guys. He did, I invited him over for a bit, since he had never been at my place whereas I'd been over at his 3 times this week.

Turns out he stayed for under 10 minutes and rushed to leave because his friends/roomies were partying at his place, I guess. I was quite pissed that he didn't bother to stick around after he owed me one but I didn't let it show.

He texted me on his way home saying "Hey you're making me feel so bad. You didn't make me want to leave".

Me: "You fled pretty quick for someone who didn't want to leave... are you that excited to party?"

Him: "No but I was expected! :P it's not gonna be a party, it'll be a chill night"

Me: "You were expected here as well. Anyway. Maybe we'll catch up tomorrow. My roomie has poker night at friends"

Yeah, I meant it as "My apartment is clear for us tomorrow night. Wanna come?". We're never really alone at his place either, so I thought he'd jump on the occasion. Fastforward to today. He didn't show up to our common classes this afternoon cause he was lazy and had hockey practice at 4 with friends. I caved and texted him around 3. He replied in a timely manner (he always does), we chatted a bit and I let him know that I wasn't going out to the pub as normal tonight and to text me if he wasn't too drained after practice. His last reply was at 3:45 : "I'm not going to the pub either. I'll keep you posted".

So now it's 10:15. He still hasn't texted me. I'm pretty offended actually, particularly considering that he ditched me last night, didn't text me all day and didn't text tonight when he said he would. I take this as a clear sign that he's lost interest and doesn't want to date me anymore (isn't willing to make any effort to anyway). Am I jumping to conclusions too early or is my intuition right? I don't want to waste my time and there's no way in hell I'll run after him, I've made my fair share of courtship already.

Right now I'm restraining myself from texting him some bitter remark about not keeping his word. If he has the nerve to text me tonight at bootycall hour, I think I'll lose it and tell him to f*** off for good, he better not!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I can't say if he lost interest but I have to admit that he seems both selfish and irresponsible.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I wouldn't say he's definitely lost interest as it just seems his priorities are misguided, although I think that if you aren't THAT into the whole thing, it probably isn't for you. I'd not worry so much about if he's 'losing interest', but I'd look more at if I thought that the relationship is even for me. Especially if I'm not that happy as it stands and you feel not much will change?

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    • Very valid point. I'm keeping that in mind. It's a great indicator or whether things could work out in the long-run or not, actually you're right. I'll try to make things clearer once we finally meet up tonight. We need to be honest to one another at this point, it's gotten too tricky for my taste. Thanks Jonny!

    • No problem. :)

  • Don't jump to conclusions. Just ask him straight up. Better than over-thinking it.

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    • Yeah, I'm starting to go for this approach. I'm sick of the games, so I asked him out tonight and we're supposed to meet up around 10. I'll ask him what's up with all of this, I'm getting frustrated.

What Girls Said 4

  • You have only been dating a week and apparently your expectations about the relationship is different than his. Maybe you should just sit with him and talk about what you want in this relationship. That would be helpful for you to know if he's serious or not and good for him to know your needs. But honestly, I think you are jumping the gun with everything. In your eyes he has offended/rejected you which probably made you feel insecure which is why you are reacting. The relationship is too new and fresh to gage anything. You also need to respect that he has other relationships and things he needs to attend to. If he dropped everything and everyone for you that would end up being an unhealthy relationship. Take it slow, enjoy each others company and communicate clearly! I think your last text to him was very obscure and if my guy sent that to me I would of not understood his intent by it. You should of just invited him to come over the next day. Also, owed you one? Did he know this? or are you just assuming? BTW Never keep tallies in a relationship...

    I also think you should of apologized for making him feel bad for leaving. <--- that's not cool, you basically made him feel like crap. Then you wonder why he didn't text first. Like I said...you both need to communicate clearly. It's a big deal if you want a healthy relationship and to answer your question, I don't think he has lost interest.

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    • I'll sit with him tonight and try to make things clearer. I asked him out actually, I couldn't handle the confusion anymore. You're right about the relationship being too new to gage anything. Yeah he knows he owes me one, he actually asked me for this favour! Anyway. I didn't made him feel like crap. He said he felt bad about it before I showed even the slightest sign of being mad. It was a cheap shot anyway. I'll communicate with him more honestly tonight, so I know if I need to move on or not

  • Hey Ingrid! Hope you're feeling a little by now. Listen beautiful girl, the guy is keeping his options open as you should be. I know you don't like playing games and want to know what is going on from the get-go. However, that's not the case because he at the moment doesn't see you as girlfriend material yet. It's still a bit early and not enough of getting to know each other. Don't worry about this guy or what he has to say too much. See him as he sees you, girl that interests him to talk from time to time but not enough to make time to see. Just go with the flow, and see other people, go have fun. Once again, don't worry about this guy too much. He's obviously not serious about you yet and neither should you be about him. Hope this helps. :)

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    • Yeah, I understand that he's keeping his options open. I just HATE being in that place. I just can't manage to see more than one guy at once, so right now I feel let down. I know it's just my personality, it's not his fault. I don't care for ''open relationships'' but when I'm dating a guy, I want to keep going or move on, not let it drag on for a long time without knowing where I'm going. I'm just like that, it sucks. I'll try to take it easy. I'm seeing him tonight, I caved and asked him out.

  • It doesn't seem like he's lost interest at all. You said you guys have only been dating for a week! And you've seen each other 3 nights already! I think you're being really intense by making him feel bad for leaving your place the other night. It wasn't as if you had standing plans and then he broke them-- the idea was he was going to drop something off at your place. I would not take it so personally that he couldn't stay. And texting someone that you'll "keep them posted" doesn't really mean that he's promising to text you back. It's just a nice way of saying "I'm not sure" to someone who you're afraid will get mad at you if you can't hang. I think that you should relax a little bit. No guy who's been dating you for only a week would see you 3x in one week if he was losing interest in you.

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    • I didn't MAKE him feel back for leaving, I played it cool. I said I didn't let it show that I was disappointed he was leaving that early. I didn't make a bitchy remark when he was there either. I guess he felt bad about it all by himself. Well I DID interpret that his text meant he promised to me you back. That's what I'd mean if I texted someone that, that's why. I guess I'm just very respectful of people in general and I don't play games, so such behavior makes me feel disrespected sometimes.

    • So it's not that I'm intense in dating specifically. It's not that I've gotten attached that quick and that I NEED to see him again. It's just that I'm the type of person who ALWAYS respects her word and always ensures not to make people feel uncared for. I'm the type to text a friend : "Sorry I took so long to reply, I was on the phone with my mom". It's not that I think he owes me explanations or commitment already (he doesn't) it's rather that I want to be treated as nicely as I treat others.

  • Hi. Me again. I posted an answer your last question about him.

    And honestly girl, you NEED to relax. You're acting as if you guys have been together for years, when in reality it has STILL only been a week. I don't blame the guy for wanting to take a little step back when you're this intense. You're expecting way too much way too soon, and you are getting completely ahead of yourself.

    You had already met up 3 times that week, and for the entire night. That's very intense for having only dated for a week. I can't blame the guy for wanting to hang out with his buddies for a while. Maybe he was planning to stay longer some other time... when he would actually have the time? Think about it. You're jumping to conclusions here. Why are you getting so pissed off over these texts? He has a life you know, I'm pretty sure he isn't glued to the phone 24/7 just to see if you've texted him or not.

    So just relax, and stop expecting so much of him already. You've met up with him and texted him A LOT these past few days it seems, give him a breather. If he's losing interest, it's because your clinging onto him too hard. Give him some time to initiate. Give him some time to process what's just happened between the two of you. He's not a mind reader.

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    • I don't act as if I've been with him for years. I've been with a guy for ''years'' before and I didn't have the same expectations for both guys, obviously. I know I jump to conclusions too fast but I can't help it - that's just my nature, when I don't know what to expect. I'm trying SO hard not to be too clingy but I'm also sick as hell of playing games. Guys keep whining that girls never take charge, so I told myself "F*** it, I'm asking him out tonight, who cares what I look like". He said yes

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