Should the man always pay, even if its not a date?

Firstly, I firmly believe that it is extremely unfair that the man is ALWAYS expected to pay for dates. Of course he should pay for the first date if he has asked her out and maybe for the next couple of dates. But if they decide to proceed further, they should either go dutch, split the bill or pay for alternate dates.

Anyway, I just wanted to know that this norm which says 'the man should always pay' holds true even if a man and a woman hang out only as friends, and its not a date. In my case, I do have quite a few female friends (most of them don't know each other), so I used to hang out with them (I mean, with one girl at a time) often without those being dates. But I was shocked to realize that most of them expected me to pay even though they weren't dates. In fact, they never even offered to pay or do stuff like reaching for their purse. I could make out that they felt as if the 'man should always pay' norm is actually a rule set in stone, irrespective of whether its a date or a friendly hangout. I certainly wouldn't mind going dutch in those circumstances, but I was obviously offended by their behavior. Needless to day, now I hardly, if ever, hang out with women unless its a date or I'm in a group of men and women.

So what do you people feel about it? Should the man ALWAYS pay even if it is not a date, just because his friend happens to be a woman?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's a real shame this nearly stopped you from hanging out with women. I can only say that there are a lot of women out there who will not even expect you to pay on the first date.

    Personally, I only accept for a man to pay for me if

    a) the sum is very small. For example, if a man buys me a drink at the pub (even so it has to be someone I know, but that is more to do with the fact that I am not single/seeking).

    b) we know each other well and their gift will be reciprocated (e.g. the next drink is on me or if it's a dinner, I'll take my male friend out next)

    I have a lot of male friends and although they are always perfectly gentlemanly (say, they will buy me a drink if I don't have any money), I see it is a matter of trust that I don't abuse their generosity and reciprocate it in any way I can.

    Generally speaking, I'd say half/half is the fairest option.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • i don't see any reason why I should be paying for non-dates food or fun. If I can afford it and especially if the friend may not be in the best financial situation I'll offer but I'm not just paying for any and everyone

    As for dates. I have no problem paying for dates. I do have a problem if a woman expects to be paid for. it is one of the great issues I see with most women who are feminists or at least believe in equal treatment. The notion that they should be treat as equals but also have their way paid for is inherently flawed. Now I think most women don't expect to be paid for and consider themselves feminists but I have come across a few and it is incredibly unattractive

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What Girls Said 4

  • NO WAY.

    I was actually surprised when a guy paid for the whole thing for the first time. It made me question myself "is this a date for him?" But then I always insist on paying for the next thing we do. Those women who think like that are just using you.

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    • I realized that they might be using me. that's the reason why I stopped hanging out with them after a couple of times.

  • Absolutely not- if it's 2 friends hanging out you should never be expected to pay. You should each pay for your own or go Dutch. Why should you pay just because you happen to be male and your friend happens to be female? She works, she can support herself, so she should certainly be prepared to pay her way.

    I have a lot of guy friends and we hang out a lot, sometimes in a group, sometimes just one on one. I never go out expecting them to pay and if they do pay, I always try to get the bill the next time or buy them a beer or two when we're out again. With friends, regardless of gender, I see it as a give and take thing- there are going to be times when it makes sense for one person to pay or you feel like treating each other. No need to keep exact score as long as you both do this occasionally. Mostly though, just pay for you own.

    When it comes to dating- I'm a firm believer in sharing the cost of going out. Again, no need to get accounting programs involved, but you just generally take turns and share costs. It's 2013 for goodness sake- not 1913! I'm educated, I work, I pay my own bills- so why should the guys I date bear all the financial costs of dating? My answer- they shouldn't!

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  • YES.

    If you can't afford to date, then don't ask any women out!

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    • I'm sick and tired of saying this. I don't mean to be rude, but are you illiterate? For heaven's sake, this is NOT about dating. please read the question and also the description before answering.

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    • but to his precise question she he have to pay for female friends? if it isn't a date

    • hi?

  • You ask, you pay

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    • I think you didn't read the question. The matter of 'asking' comes into picture only when its a date. But if its between two friends, it doesn't really mean that the person who makes the plans should also pay for everything, right? Irrespective of the friend's genders. Because this has never happened to me with male friends, even if I had made the plans.

    • No. Just the first date. Whoever asked, pays. After that, switch it up.

    • Please read the description and also the title, its NOT about dating.

What Guys Said 5

  • Women want equal rights, let them start paying for their own shit like men do.

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    • I agree with you, and it seems fair. But if a man wants follows your advice, then he might as well forget having a girlfriend in his life! :P

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    • Not true. I had a gorgeous girl who paid for the first two dates because she arranged them. I agree that this thinking is still prevalent, but it's not nearly as bad as it used to be.

    • @AmongTheApples What you mentioned cannot be ruled out, but it happens only in very few, highly exceptional cases. But them, if the woman pays, some men may feel that she is trying to hide some flaw by paying so that they can continue the dates. This in turn makes women hesitant to pay. So you see, its a vicious cycle with no easy solution.

  • This tradition comes from a time when women were not allowed to handle money. In 2013, most women have jobs, bank accounts etc so there is absolutely no reason to pay for them. Women who expect the man to pay are freeloaders and gold-diggers, and best avoided.

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    • 'freeloaders and gold-diggers'! Wow, that sounds hilarious, but you're bang on target! 100% agreed! :)

  • You shouldn't, but I think you should offer it. Not just out of courtesy, but see how she reacts.

    I like it if she starts protesting. If she acts like it is completely normal... I'm not so thrilled.

    It's not about the money. Unless you have less than her for obvious reasons (you being in school still or something like that).

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  • You're being used. No the man shouldn't always pay, tell em to get fucked. It's a stupid double standard.

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    • I realized that they might be using me. that's the reason why I stopped hanging out with them after a couple of times.

    • Good, when I was single all I ever used to do was take them out for drinks and we'd take turns buying rounds. Some I didn't even go on a date, just went straight to their's and fucked. This is why it annoys me when guys do it - you just don't need to lol. Don't fall for the bullshit.

  • No.

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