Should you date if you have heart conditon?

If the doctors tell you that you won't make it passed your 20's but you're alread in you're mid 20's? and not dead yet? Then they say you most likely will not make it past your 30's b.c of a congenital heart defect? is it foolish to date? Please and thanks for your thoughts!

Updates:
Thanks :).. really, thanks!... idk, it's just kinda hard b.c I want to be honest with potential dates but I don't want to start off like, "Hey my name is, blank.. and I've got a huge heart defect >_<"lol.. Thanks for your kind words thought!
^^^^^ooops that was not supposed ot be an update lol..
Thanks for all the thoughts! You guys made me feel much better :)))

0|0
4|12

Most Helpful Guy

  • acording to doctors I should not have made it to my first birthday, and now I am almost 28, so, you never know what the future holds in store for you.

    of anything you HAVE to give yourself the chance to love, everyone deserves it, but you particularly will benefit from it.

    yes, just be honest about it, I actually answered long ago in another question here that you do not have to be all "hey, I am W and I have OCD big time", like, most of the time is truly not necessary, even if it IS a real problem to you, it will not directly affect others, at least not in early stages of dating, but yeah, when thing start getting DEEP, you find the time to mention it, but, while I am sure it must be a difficult topic to adress, you try keeping yourself together, not downplay it but try to stay far from making it a tragic situation, a medical situation is always something delicate and people get nervous when faced by it, tears will not make it easier, you obviously are ot going to say it with a broad smile on your face, but try keeping it calmed.

    DATE, have FUN, and only when it becomes MORE than fun, then you have "the talk".

    I KNOW it can not possibly relate to your situation but maybe this can help:

    I met my girl in college, but because of money problems she had to get back to her moms house, now mom was VERY strict and kind of a man hater, we had to change from seeing each other daily and well, behaving very freely, to having to ask for her moms permission to go to the movies once a week and dealing with mom was TOUGH. I remember very clearly when she broke the news to me, she said "look this is the situation... I KNOW this is not what 'signed' for, and you may be having fun with other girls here instead of being at my house with mom traeting you like garbage, I would understand if OUR cause is not worth pursuing any more in your opinion, things are not going to be easy, and you may want to get off the train while you still have the chance, I WILL TAKE NO OFFENSE, but I LOVE YOU, and believe what we have is worth pursuing, I can not get off this train, but I have hope you will ride it with me"

    I remember that by her attitude she turn a potentially awful situation into a moment in which I remember thinking "WOW, do not care, she is AMAZING", and well, years later we are still together, and the same can happen to you, just be loving, be honest, and be OPTIMISTIC about it, whatever the doctor says, if you feel GOOD then let nothing stop you.

    0|3
    0|0

What Guys Said 11

  • I've got a congenital heart defect too. It sucks eh. I just had surgery on it in October, but I don't think it's done diddly-squat to fix it.

    I've often wondered how it will affect my dating life since I often don't have much energy to do things. It frustrates me to no end. I think you should date. I think a guy would be more forgiving of a girl with a heart defect than vice-versa, but that's just my angry, insecure bias talking.

    If you ever wanna talk about it just send me a message. We CHD-patients have to stick together!

    0|2
    0|0
  • I don't think that you should be deprived of that, and I am sure that somebody will understand. and you never know, if you keep your health in the best shape you can I'm sure you can do better than your 30's. and you never know if they will be able to find a really great treatment for it anyways, they probably do everything they can to help you right now, am I right?

    I have never dated because of my social anxiety and shyness, and lack of a job. if you do not have these sorts of problems and your life is more or less on track, and you can attract male attention, go for it. besides I think that love may be able to save people or give them strength to keep going when the going gets tough.

    0|0
    0|0
    • so if you do start getting into something long terms tell them about it. you don't have to right at the beginning. And they cannot get mad at you.

  • I don't think a heart defect should get the best of someone's youth and happiness. If I were dating someone with a heart defect, I would make her smile everyday until the very end. If someone's life expectancy is near, I would be very open and honest to them and tell her how much they mean to me. I would avoid the fights and talking about the future. Those only would show bad emotions and a sad ending. I would always live and talk about the present; and share my happiness with the person I care for. (:

    I don't see why you shouldn't date someone because you have a heart defect. You only need an extra-special guy there to make you smile and be there for you!

    You could always add me and we could talk more! (:

    0|0
    0|1
  • What is your condition? I have one and at first docs said I might need surgery, I was devastated. Then I started a ton of research and got on a certain diet with certain vitamins and exercises and I don't need surgery anymore.

    0|2
    0|0
  • You didn't tell me what your problem is so I'll just recommend what I've done for my heart. A lot of what I've applied to my life is in this book: link

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's foolish to not live your life to the fullest everyday. Life is short and precious and if one's life is even shorter possibly then take life by the horns and enjoy.

    0|2
    0|0
  • I don't see a problem with it. Live your life! Just make sure you're up front about it. You don't have to tell him on the first date or anything, but definitely before it gets serious.

    1|0
    0|0
  • No, you should date. If I loved a girl and I found out that I only had a few years with her I would make the most of those years.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Don't worry about what some dumb doctor tells you. A couple years could be ten. I've had 4 family members on my moms side of the family get diagnosed of cancer in the last few years and only one actually made it through. Honestly I used to think everyone lived to be 85 years old these days and now I'll be happy if I make it to 40. I'm 24 now. Just as long as I can find a nice girl get married and eventually have a kid, then I don't think I could ever ask for anything more than that. No don't worry about telling a date you have a medical problem, that's too much information for someone you don't know and you'll scare them away. Wait until later down the line to divulge that information. What you can do is when you do meet a guy make sure you be the best girlfriend you could ever be and I can assure you he will make you the happiest girl in your entire life. Good luck.

    PS: Just make sure you do something for yourself everyday that keeps you happy, don't stress out about trying to find someone, just live your life and do what makes you happy. Good luck!

    0|1
    0|0
  • no not really a congenital heart defect is not all ways fatal I heard it could be treated with nitro glycerin or surgery to transplant the heart on a multy year waiting list

    0|0
    0|2
  • I would have no problems dating someone that has a heart condition. It would be really hard to form feelings with that person knowing that they have something that will most likely take their life, sooner rather than later. That would not stop or slow down how long it took me to love her. However, no one knows how long someone is going to live since you already passed the first mark who knows if you won't make it past the second mark. I will say that if I were in a relationship with that person I would make sure that I didn't waste any of our time together with stupid fights and stuff. I would give it my everything and make sure she knew without a doubt that I loved her as much as possible. I think she should date because there will be someone out there who will think she is absolutely amazing and as one of a kind as she is.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Thanks :).. really, thanks!... idk, it's just kinda hard b.c I want to be honest with potential dates but I don't want to start off like, "Hey my name is, blank.. and I've got a huge heart defect >_<"lol.. Thanks for your kind words thought!

    • Show All
    • ok, Thanks a lot :)!

    • That is if you would feel comfortable talking more :)

What Girls Said 4

  • YES you should date ! you should do any and everything that makes you happy .. yes if you get a boyfriend you want to tell him what's going on with you but don't let your health condition determine your life . the doctors are not always right . NO ONE can tell you how many days or years ANYONE has left . I think EVERYONE sick or not should live like tomorrow is there last .. you date and do what ever you want that makes you happy and be happy doing it ! you have life and life is worth living .

    0|0
    0|0
  • Don't let that prevent you from living your life. Doctors can predict all they want about how much time you have left, but they're not always right. No one knows when their last day is. I don't have a long-term life-threatening illness, but I could die tomorrow from some freak accident or unexpected medical event. Am I letting the idea of potential death keep me from living my life? Nope!

    0|0
    0|0
  • it is hard to control our feelings so if you like a person you may want to let him know your condition.

    0|0
    0|0
  • of course you should date, it won't matter to someone as long as you're healthy and won't die in the next year

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...