My friend is dating my ex wife...smh

So, I got a text message today from my best friend (who was also the best man at my wedding) telling me that he is in love with my ex wife. My ex left me about two years ago. I was not abusive, didn't drink, do drugs, hit her, etc. She moved back to our home town about an hour away and has moved in with and is apparently "in love" with my best friend. He told me in his text that this didn't cause my divorce . We don't live in the same town and I haven't seen her in a year or him since October. Strangely enough I am not breaking down about the whole thing. Haven't cried or gotten really angry, but at the same time this feels like a betrayal.

I didn't respond to his message. I just deleted him from my contacts and left him with silence. I guess I am wondering what any one else thinks about the situation.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I can't believe that some people are commenting that you should try to save the friendship/not burn bridges. This to me is the ultimate betrayal. I'd have absolutely no problem with cutting a so called best friend out of my life if he did that to me.

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    • It was only a year after the divorce..

      It just seemed pretty inconsiderate of him not to talk with me about it first and see how I would have felt first. It's almost like they were having an affair the whole time we were married. I just hate it when friends go after friend's ex's without taking to the other friend first.It just seems selfish to me.

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    • I agree with this...ur friend deserves to be isolated from you. What a douche!

    • Yeah we are not communicating anymore

What Girls Said 12

  • I can see how that would hurt, even though you're not together anymore. Especially when he was best man, that must sting just a bit.

    However, it's been 2 years since the two of you split up. I'm sorry it didn't work out, however your ex and your friend are adults and can be together, if they wish. He didn't steal her nor did he ruin your marriage, so I think you overreacted a little.

    Don't wipe him out of your life completely. After all, he didn't sneak behind your back, but chose to let you know about his feelings towards her. It looks like he didn't want to have conflict, so he let you know about it himself.

    I think you should meet up with him in person and talk the situation over. If you no longer wish to be friends with him, because you feel betrayed, then at least talk it over and part on friendly terms. Burning bridges is never a good idea.

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    • It just seemed pretty inconsiderate of him not to talk with me about it first and see how I would have felt first. It's almost like they were having an affair the whole time we were married. I just hate it when friends go after friend's ex's without taking to the other friend first.It just seems selfish to me.

    • My mate was seeing this girl and she ended up liking me after those two had ended. 6 months after to be exact. But I turned her down because my mate had been there. I spoke to my mate about it and I told him that was one of the reasons why I turned her down but recently he was like you can go for it if you want. It wouldn't work and she doesn't even speak to me anymore.

    • I can't say much on the topic of betrayal as it has never happened to me. However, I do have a best friend and would be reluctant to cut ties right on the spot.

      It's entirely up to you what you want, but in my experience, burning bridges bites you back on the arse one way or another, so I tend to part with people on friendly terms.

  • I would definitely feel betrayed.

    But at the same time, you and her just didn't work out, and she deserves to be happy with whomever she ends up with. Same for you.

    If he really is your best friend, is it worth it to lose him? It may take time to get over it, but I think it can be done.

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    • Ya but this guy doesn'tt deserve them to be happy together, that's bullshit. In my opinion he's not even a friend so the decision is clear

    • @the champ...thank you foe seeing my point mate:-)

    • Seeing as he called him his "best" friend and not just a friend, I inferred that this guy has otherwise been a very good friend to him. And if that's true, good friends are hard to come by.

      I understand you're mad right now, but you can't let yourself dwell on their actions. They will do as they please.

  • Yes, I would feel betrayed as well. It's a hurtful situation...I would have done that same thing...not responded and just deleted him from my contacts and from my life. Whatever they do is their business I suppose...but to me an ex is off limits...even if it's an ex-girlfriend...what ever happened to bro code?

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    • "Bro's" these days just think with their penises instead of their consciences and hearts. People are just getting more and more selfish and inconsiderate these days. The Bro Code is officially extinct.

    • wow...I'm sorry that happened...but you never know...something good may come of it...be on the lookout for the positive

    • She's already got part of my retirement. Worst part is from past conversations with him, I have the suspicion that he is going to use my money to restart his failed business. Oh, well. Nothing I can do about it now.

  • You're probably actually over your ex, which is why you aren't crying. I'd be more upset by my friends behavior than that my ex had moved on.

    Your friends behavior is inexcusable. As your friend, the appropriate thing to do would have been to come to you in the beginning, tell you he had feelings for her, and ask if you'd be okay with him pursuing it.

    And even if you said no and he went for it anyway, telling you THEN as a heads up along with a "I know you're going to be mad at me but I'm doing this and I hope someday to have your support" would have been the mature thing to do

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    • Yeah well people nowadays are so selfish that they just look after what THEY want..not how it will affect others

    • Not all people! Consider this part of the weeding out process so you can cut out all the people in your life who are like that. My divorce is the best thing that ever happened to me because my ex was definitely one of those people.

  • I was under the impression that going after a friend's ex is against the "bro code". He should have at least spoken with you about it when he noticed a mutual interest between them. It's a simple act of respect.

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    • The "Bro Code" is extinct. Yeah if he would have talked with me first I would have felt a little better.

  • I think it's suspicious but if she was going to do this - it would be better it happened sooner rather than later. You are in your 30's and still in the prime of life (the average age where happiness was maximized is age 35 according to a poll)

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    • What makes it suspicious?

  • They're both idiots. Good riddance. And apparently it's obvious to him that he is breaking the rules by doing this. Otherwise he would AT LEAST have given you a call. That's not something you tell someone over a text. Shameful.

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    • Exactly my thoughts..

  • Maybe you're feeling numb right now. That happens to me a lot when I get hurt. But you have every reason to be upset. Don't let it ruin your life though. Just get rid of these two people completely and try your best to grow from it. Selfish a**holes like that don't deserve your tears. I would say as advice, although you didn't ask, to remember the good times with both of them, but know that they are also gone now, and so are the people you thought they were.

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    • Thanks I'm doing that right now...

  • Sounds like you should just leave them be, you're probably better off with out either of them. Him telling you that it had nothing to do with the divorce... It makes it seem like you would automatically blame him and he's just trying to stop your thoughts before you can have them. Personally I support your choice

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    • Thanks...I agree

    • Heyy it might not be much but if you ever need to chat, I'll listen. And it's good to rant and vent sometimes

    • Thank you and I will take you up on that offer:-)

  • It probably feels like a betrayal, because you think they've always felt some kind of attraction towards each other and you haven't noticed?

    I don't know them or you and I don't know what your relationship was like with her, so I can only guess...But here's the thing. She has changed and he has changed. Years and marriage and all that. And what used to be a friendship (?) became more as they met again as single people and they have you in common and all those memories and they fell in love. It happens and that doesn't mean they felt like this while you were married to her.

    So, I understand it feels like a betrayal, but it's on you to think about how strong this friendship is and if it's worth it and if you can imagine to be able to look at them after a while and don't feel betrayed and be actually happy for them. I think you should take time, as long as you need and then talk to your friend, tell him how you feel about all this and you can get through this situation together or you leave them to be happy without you making them feel bad/give them any kind of ultimatums and move on with your life. In the end, it's your choice, no matter what we think about all this.

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  • wow that sucks ass.

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  • Seems like you thankfully got all the people you don't need out of your life! look at it like a blessing!

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    • You really think that?

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    • Thanks..and the fact that he was my best man makes it worse...

    • No problem. Indeed. I had a "best friend" cheat on me with my Boyfriend at the time. It hurt like hell, I never spoke to either of them again and they both caught a bad reputation once people found out. Even though I was very hurt, I was finally able to get over the betrayal and now my life is better than ever. We have mutual friends and from what I hear, they both ended up having pretty crappy lives..karma is very present.

What Guys Said 8

  • Certainly gonna make you question a lot of things. This wasn't just some typical relationship obviously so honestly.. what was the reason she left you in the first place? I'd be wondering if they were hanging out while you were together.

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    • There's no telling bro who knows...I think that it just didn't work out between us, but like I said I was never controlling, or a drinker,abusive or any of the bad things. I didn't see any signs that they were

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    • So she can't handle an actual marriage...?

    • I guess not...

  • Thats no friend. I would of punched that prick in the face and never talk to him again.

    That situation kinda sounds like he might of been flirting or doing things behind your back with her. Reason why I don't like having guy friends. Always trying to either one up you and take what you have because they want it too.

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    • Exactly my bro exactly...like I said he so-called :Bro Code" is extinct like the dinosaurs!

    • Reason why it's hard to find cool guys to be friends with anymore cause they only care about fucking every girl in the click or even any girl you are wanting to go after like ha ha I got her first kind of shit.

    • True...that's why I can't trust people these days

  • I would have done the same thing ... give your self some space to think things through (this does not mean you loose a friend but it means time to think).

    1. Do you value his friendship and are you willing to lose it.

    2. Do you value her happiness and do you respect her happiness

    3. How are you going to be affected when seening them happy together (you can't be jealous)

    If you can be happy for them and not feel uncomfortable about there current arrangment you should be fine ... it will take time to think this out. Don't just respond with a "thats cool bro no worries" you have to be fine with this event ... be honest with yourself

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  • Been there bud - except my wife left me for my friend. Left them to it and glad I did. Best thing is to live your life for you and your future rather than worrying about them or what they think.

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    • What made your wife leave you?...and did your friend ever apologize for hooking up with her?..btw you friend is a douche for agreeing to hook up in the first place..

  • Sorry to hear that bro. Ultimate betrayal.

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  • Friends don't date friends exes.

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  • It's your friends right to date her. And your right to tell your friend to go fuck himself.

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