Why can some people never let go?

I ended something with a girl about 10 months ago. The situation made me ill and it didn't do her any good either. We just messed around with each other. basically it was friends with benefits and it was like that for a few years. I had other girlfriends within that time period but they never worked out. There's not a bad thing I would say about her but everything had to end including the friendship simply because of the stress that it caused.

I work with her in this shop and sometimes I speak to her cause its part of the job and you have to remain professional but I don't always talk to her as there's no need.. So its really sad that I can't even speak to her without her holding onto every little word I say.

She hadn't texted me for about 8 months then out of the blue today I was talking to a friend of hers who I'm really good friends with and she came over and I didn't say anything whilst she was speaking to her mate cause I have nothing to say to her. And just about an hour ago I got an abusive text message saying I need to make my mind up about how I'm gonna be etc.. she called me a few things and she was saying I lack respect. Surely that's a bit hypocritical seeing she's calling me names? Who else would respond to someone who's name calling if they don't get their own way? And I don't want to argue with her either.

So why can't she let go?

Updates:
Update: I texted her and to be simple about it I told her we can't be friends and I told her that a lot of the time I have nothing to say to her.
And I told her to get rid of my contact details as I don't want to hear from her any more.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is the exact reason that I don't do the whole "friends with benefits" thing. That never ever works out. Someone always catches feelings if not both which is completely normal ..and expected

    Humans create a chemical bond as they spend so much time together. You can't control it. However, even with that bond she and you may know that you two will never be together seriously but the fact that it had to end creates a lack of control over the emotions.

    Your emotions (or hers actually) are telling her she wants you.. since she can't have you her defensive mechanism may be to insult you. She needs to create this bad guy image in her subconscious in order to get over this.

    Honestly, my advice to you is to never enter into another relationship of this type. It never ends good. And I would just ignore her if you can. Responding to her is only feeding her desire to belittle you.

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    • "Responding to her is only feeding her desire to belittle you."

      Exactly.

    • Oh I've definitely learnt my lesson. I'm sorry things turned out the way they did. I'd never done it before and I'll definitely never do it again. When you play with fire you should expect to get burned

    • exactly!

What Girls Said 3

  • No she just wants things to be normal and for you to act humanly. I mean having a conversation with her and her friend is not a big deal and I'm sure you can do it.

    At the end of the day even if things didn't work out between you and her you both have to have some respect towards each other for the good times you both had.

    I was there before due to something alike. I didn't like it either because I thought he ignored me and it seemed to me like he never cared for what we had. Maybe she feels the same way - that you are so cold about this showing her you never once cared.

    Girls are really sensitive and I'm guessing she acted like this because of anger in the heat of the moment she was over thinking about this.

    I don't either see why you guys should have nice conversations and be friends because of one thing such as being fwb. Having some of your attention to realize that the feelings she invested in the kind of relationship you had will make her feel less insecure about this. Don't forget that this girl once liked you and if you could, it would be great for you both not to show her you ignore her - cause it seems to me that that's how she might be feeling. Instead it wouod be god if you both maintained a nice healthy human relationship!

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    • I hadn't heard from her for months the mutual friend of ours I was talking to comes back from being away and its all kicking off. Something has been re-ignited somewhere and I don't know exactly what it is. I bumped into her sister when I was at a party and she told me then that she'd moved on and was forgetting about me. This was after she was trying to talk me round about it as well but then she later apologised. Its not that I don't care I simply have nothing to say to her.

  • Because you are still texting her or acknowledging her. If you want her to let go then you need to let go too!

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    • I never text her at all in 8 months. And I very rarely acknowledged her or even spoke to her lol

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    • I've seen her many times in recent weeks and she looks really hurt by what I told her. I wasn't a dick about it like youd expect some lads to be. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

    • You guys messed around for years so you did have some bond with each other and everything you been through together when you see her hurting its natural to feel bad. She has to find her way and when she does everything willl be okay

  • She obviously likes you a lot more than you think, you've hurt her and she's upset.

    You can't have no feelings FWBs it never works, your case in point.

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