Why do some people still think that its desperate for a girl to text first?

Unless if the guy is clearly uninterested then maybe it will be seen as desperate.For example yesterday when my friends say I was texting this guy (we are dating), they asked me why would I text him first when he didn't text me.So I told them that he was the one who always talk to me and today he is kind of silent.I thought about asking him if he is fine.They think its desperate for me to do so.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are actually doing the right thing. I actually stop texting girls if I am always texting first I think think she is not interested in me and merely replying for attention. Your friends think it's desperate because there is a stigma that if a girl texts first, it means that she is unable to attract men even if she is. Fuck what your friends say.

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What Guys Said 15

  • I thought for sure you were going to be asking about when you are first given his number (even then...whatever).

    But to be actually DATING and still care about who texts who first? Crazy talk. I mean, if you always have to initiate contact that might be weird, but really who cares otherwise. Only people who are constantly thinking about the "rules" of dating would think that was weird/desperate. I'm actually chuckling a little bit at the thought of being labeled desperate because I texted first =P

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  • I'd be happy if a girl decided to text me first. It shows that a girl is actually interested in you and actually cares, especially if she texts because I got busy one day and didn't text and she was wondering if I was OK (assuming I usually text first). To be honest it's really no big deal who texts first.

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  • I don't really care who texts first. As long as I know she likes me and I want her to know I like her, then I just want to talk to her. If she has a great conversation topic, by all means, talk to me, I'll love it!

    As for asking on him when he's silent today, I think that's may be what your friends are referring to as being 'desperate'. I think that's sweet though. If your relationship is in a really healthy spot right now, I think it's very nice of you to think of him! It's not desperate at all!

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  • because guys are supposed to initiate the contact. just like we're supposed to ask the girl out and propose. girls have to deal with periods and guys have to deal with making the first move. I know it doesn't seem fair, but its just the way it is

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  • It's not desperate at all. It's actually very mature on your part. It should be as even as possible, regardless if you are romantically interested or just platonically. Just because other girls like to play games or pretend their in the early 20th century, doesn't mean you have to.

    You'll be more successful in the long run. Good luck.

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  • I don't mind it. In fact, I respect, admire, and enjoy a woman who shows some initiative.

    As others have said, it's still a "thing" because it's what has basically been taught since the dawn of man - women, let the men come to you; men, go get those women!

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  • Because they are bitches that are playing a selfish power game of all or nothing. Either he worships me while I totally do nothing, or he doesn't like me. lol Outside of the weird fog that is in most girls brains, it is not desperate, in fact I would argue those girls only want to date desperate men that will put up with that sort of crap.

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  • Your friends are fools who follow archaic archetypal nonsense that never existed outside of empty-headed romance TV dramas.

    That said I apologize for calling your friends fools. And idiots. And outdated. And delusional.

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  • If I give them my number that means talk NOW! lol. I think it's pretty ignorant to think someone is desperate if they are into you and want your attention.

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  • I personally don't mind it

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  • Your friends give you horrible dating advice. If you never send a first text, you may be seen as playing hard to get and guys will lose interest and you won't hear from them anymore.

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  • A lot of women want to be chased I guess. I hate that game, and am put off by it.

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  • I think it's completely normal

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  • The funny thing about all of this is that girls are the ones that find girls to be desperate when they text first. Guys generally don't think a girl is desperate just because she text first. That thought never crosses our mind. What is desperate is when a girl or guy text all the time and if one doesn't respond right away they start asking questions such as why aren't you replying back to me? Or they could ask a question... and 2 minutes later send a message with just a question mark. then 4 minutes later send another message with 3 question marks... that's desperate. Texting first is not desperate and I find it funny that girls are the ones that are telling other girls that they are being desperate when the one persons opinion that actually matters... the guy you're dating, won't think it's desperate. You're not dating your friends so I wouldn't worry about them saying it's desperate. As long as your guy doesn't find it desperate, and I'm positive he doesn't, then you're fine.

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  • I don't think it is desperate

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What Girls Said 6

  • It depends. If you are always the one texting first, then yes it comes off as being desperate.. Since you guys alternate and you were a bit concerned because he was quiet that day, then no, you are fine.

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  • I would do the same as you. There is nothing desperate about. And no rule that a guy must text first.

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  • They like to be chased.

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  • This is a tricky question, as me being in a relationship, I can text my boyfriend a whole lota times, no matter what time of the day, me doing it first obviously, and than he'd reply afterwards

    maybe sending one message stating all the points I mentioned in my messages.

    So there is no problem there in me texting him first.

    But on the other hand, if you're not in a relationship and you have someone you admire its way different than what I just typed now. Firstly, some guys find it quite "weird" for a girl to text them first, because that's normally the time when they see the girl as being forward. When I used to be single, I've never sent a guy, maybe once lol, a message first. And do you know what happened, he didn't reply back! I felt so sick to my stomach as well as embarrassed at the same time. I never did it again. I believe it's a guy's duty to do it first, if he is really into you, he will make an effort to show you how interested he is in you. For me, as a lady to do it first, just boosts some men's ego's as they than see themselves being on top of the world. Some guys are really sweet and sincere though. And some are just plain neverminded~emotionally detached.

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    • I can understand this.I mean I used to feel the same way but at the same time I think its unfair for me to just wait for him to send me a message.About he doesn't reply yes I am with you here.I feel bad but that doesn't always happen to me but it did happen few times in past.I felt like I was 'rejected' in a way lol.

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    • Yep exactly. A guy is normally the one that is over-protective for the person that they see is the most amazing for them in this world. but it does not mean that everything is perfect. Strange things happen in different ways, some people just ''?ct'' and playing with your feelings so that you can fall for them yet they do not feel the same way. That's why texting should be 2nd in line, and being face to face is the most important.

    • Yep exactly. A guy is normally the one that is over-protective for the person that they see is the most amazing for them in this world. but it does not mean that everything is perfect. Strange things happen in different ways, some people just ''?ct'' and playing with your feelings so that you can fall for them yet they do not feel the same way. That's why texting should be 2nd in line, and being face to face is the most important.

  • Dating should give you free reign to talk to him when you want to. It's not like he's someone you JUST met. I wouldn't over think it. I think as females we live inside our heads a lot, lol. Do what you feel! :)

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  • They are into traditional values

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