So you've met the perfect person, I mean you think they are anyway, they have all the traits that you could ever want, but you've not dated them or even approached them. Ah, dreamy. Two months pass and finally for whatever reason you two agree to a date.
Do they fail you? Do they live up to your expectations? Do they exceed them?
- I am generally disappointed with the reality of my partnersVote A
- I am generally content with the reality of my partnersVote B
- I am generally pleasantly surprised with the reality of my partnersVote C
- I am generally turned-off by the reality of my partnersVote D
- I do not fantasize about potential partners / do not hold crushesVote E
Most Helpful Girl
Every beginning can be amazing or horrible. We can suddenly fall in love, head over heels, for some vision that we project onto others. We go on dates, have fun, and then suddenly, the truth of who they are arises. At this point we have two questions- is it compatible? or isn't it? Two answers come out of this, yes or no. Regardless of answer, I find most people, lacking a sense of worth, cling on to relationships. Telling themselves "should I go for him/her..though.." "i enjoy her but..." Girls sometimes settle and even end up with the bad ones. When it ends, some people feel like it was some sort of investment, and they have a huge marginal loss. As if they had no idea who that person was.
My girlfriend once dated a guy whom she met through mutual friends..at a club. During the courting process, all they did was party. Couple months later, things are serious, she fights with him "If you loved me why do you always have to party?" She vented to me and continues "i just don't feel very special" That's the thing...A lot of people are flocking towards relationships for self fulfillment. When really all that comes from within. She doesn't think she is very special, no one will ever make her feel great about, even if her boyfriend was to stop clubbing, there will always be something else that would make her feel inadequate. So my theory is that a lot of people have this fantasy how that boy/girl is going to make them fulfilled. Whatever it is.
We also have those people who had horrible beginnings, couple months later end up falling love for who they really are. They also have the same chance in succeeding in long term relationship.
So, When dating I try gauge the other person as not what I would like them to be, but rather who they really are. I don't look at their attributes-i try to see their soul. That is the only way to see if we are compatible. If People grow together or apart and that can also be said about relationships, and if every beginning can be amazing or horrible, then its safe to say that setting some idealistic expectation is only setting ourselves up for failure. After all, just because one starts of great or horribly, doesn't determine the longevity and quality of the relationship. Once people start to realize this, they will naturally allow growth and things to develop naturally. At least that is what I feel.
"Love doesn't sit there like a stone. It has to be made like bread; remade all the time, made new". - Ursula K. Le Guin0