I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel.... Help?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about three months, He's wonderful, the perfect guy. Sweet, considerate, he wants to give me the world. I just... I don't feel the way I'm supposed to.

By now I should be falling for him and all I feel is suffocation. Everything I've ever been told about love says to marry a guy just like the guy I'm dating but I can't let myself go. I can't let myself fall in love. I could fall for him I think, but somehow I just can't let myself do it.

So now I'm at a crossroads. Do I break his heart and risk making the biggest mistake of my life? Or do I keep dating him and see if things change? Maybe I just need a little time.

I am so confused. Help please.

  • Break up?
    67% (6)17% (1)47% (7)Vote
  • Keep dating him.
    33% (3)83% (5)53% (8)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Keep dating and here is why. Even back before marriage, in Israel there used to be arranged marriages. The marriages had a a years time of being together without sex or anything sexual to find out if the couple was compatible and would go well together, if they did not there would be a divorce and they would try again with someone else. Now in modern relation it makes sense to DATE someone for a year to find out if you two are compatible and have enough there to make for a good relationship.

    People these days, especially young people (myself included) have been taught and given this notion that love is supposed to be this thing that either magically clicks with someone at first sight or will never be there, that's actually wrong. Love means patience, compassion, and WORKING together to be with someone, yes WORK is part of what makes a great relationship time and effort are important ESPECIALLY during the WORST moments. It's not love if you abandon someone when the going gets tough or they abandon you just because they are experience a hard time or aren't happy when they were in the beginning.

    IF you STILL don't find yourself seeing a future with the one you're with AFTER a year of dating, the odds are that you probably won't ever. But give it time and patience to get to know them and how you BOTH handle ups and downs together.

    I wish you both all the best and even if things don't work out together I wish you both happiness in the years to come, good luck, best wishes, and God Bless.

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    • I know that love is supposed to be about work. I know that I'm supposed to work for it. But I'm not sure if I'm ready. And I don't want to hurt him even more by staying with him and making him think that I want the same thing. When maybe right now I don't. I have a lot to do before thinking about love. Heck, he still has to figure out what he wants to do and who he is. But then there's another part of me that's wondering if there is going to be no one else and I'm making a big mistake.

    • What is it that you feel you and he need to do in order to "be ready" for love? Why do so many people attach parameters to love? Do you not feel it? Who started saying that there were all these stipulations that needed to be made before love can happen? That sounds less like love and more like a job or a chore. Real love is when you find someone to do the growing, learning, and finding yourself WITH someone, not a reward for completing chores or a nice addition to a life, it is to make one life.

    • Emphasis on the "ONE" life from two.

What Guys Said 7

  • Three months is not that long at all. It takes some people much longer, even a few years, before they finally realize they have the desire to marry their SO. I would say keep dating him but it seems as if you feel uncomfortable with your current situation. You say all you feel is suffocation. In what ways do you feel suffocated? Are you sure you should even feel ready to marry this guy after only 3 months?

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  • you feel this way about him because your subconscious mind is waiting to see a trait from him. I don't know what that trait is only you know.

    maybe he's a "nice" guy. maybe he's abusive and your waiting to see his soft side maybe etc etc depends on the person

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    • I think it's the opposite. He's an amazing guy. Seriously, any girl would be lucky to have him. But he has no confidence in himself and he doesn't know who he he is or what he wants to do with his life. That's what I want to see from him. Security and confidence.

  • Keep dating him. It will happen again with another guy anyway. You're lucky to have him the way you described him.

    I think you need to work out why you can't feel love. Perhaps it's a psychological thing or bad experience has driven your emotions to be malfunctioned.

    That, or perhaps you need some time alone. I think he may be treating you too well and it's a case of "You don't know what you have until it's too late"

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  • There is more than one kind of love. If you want to get married and grow old with someone - this is your dude. If you want things to be exciting, you'll date/have sex with a whole series of dudes until you're too old/unattractive - then you might not have the option of marriage.

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  • Maybe you go with the middle way and talk to him about it like how much you appreciate him but how you still face intimacy issues etc

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  • You haven't been together very long I think you just need more time And I bet things will begin to change.

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  • I need clarification, as the causal factor may be polar opposites.

    Do you believe you may fear allowing yourself to be so vulnerable?

    Do you lack proper experience and believe love 'must' feel like some Disney-esque euphoria, or it isn't love?

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    • Oh I know fear is why I can't be vulnerable. The only problem is I don't want to be vulnerable. It doesn't feel right.

      I believe that love is this pull to another person. And I don't feel that pull with him. I don't feel that sense of rightness with him. It just seems suffocating.

    • Number two seems apparent. Also, bear in mind, some women genuinely dislike men who are sweet.

      This is part of the journey of self-actualization. You should end it as soon as possible. He could be utilizing this time to find a woman worth his time and energy.

What Girls Said 7

  • Its only been three months, relax. Falling in love for some people takes time. I think if you see the potential in him then give it some more time especially if he's treating you great. He deserves that. But also the suffocation feeling isn't okay. Try to set ground rules. Maybe plan some time for yourself only.

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  • You're just afraid to get hurt and it seems you're not 100% comfortable with him yet. Stop thinking about getting married and falling in love! Just let loose, go with the flow and have fun. You worrying like this is not going to help at all. Maybe talk to your boyfriend about it and see if that helps. If he's as wonderful as you say, he'll totally understand and do whatever it takes to make you feel more comfortable.

    You just have too high expectations. Don't buy into the things that you've been told by others. Love is a very individual thing and it doesn't come easy for everyone. It seems to me like you just need some time to adjust. Don't worry.

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    • The only thing is that he has already fallen in love with me. He's already neck deep and so I feel guilty because I can't give him what he wants. I can't be the kind of girlfriend he wants. No matter how many times he says it's okay and I'm perfect the way I am I know he thinks differently. I know he hates that I push him away because I feel uncomfortable.

  • If your not happy leave him and have a break. Missing him makes the heart grow fonder. Have a break get to know yourself. You can't make anyone happy if you aren't happy.

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    • Okay, maybe this answer is even better than mine.

  • You need to decide if you just want something more casual or do you not want commitment at all?

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  • I would talk to him about this. Someone may be perfect, but that doesn't mean he's perfect FOR YOU. I have had this happen several times, and I chose to walk away and find what my heart was longing for..and I did. When that spark is there, you instantly know it. Don't stay with him because he's the kind of guy you should be with, stay with him because he's the ONE you can't live without.

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  • Take a break from the relationship

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  • Have sex with him. That's how you fall in love.

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    • What? I've never had sex but I fell in love before

    • I was joking. You fall in love by having chemistry.

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