He decided to withdraw all time for companionship in 2014 to focus on career. We broke up. Insight please?

This just happened. I'm obviously very hurt. Please read the full story below.

We met online. Started talking aaaall day long, aaaalll night long. He'd text me first thing in the morning and we'd text everyday until he fell asleep. We finally met in person. I was in my finals, so I was extremely busy and stressed. He's a working accountant so his schedule seemed more flexible. He'd make time to see me for a quick coffee in between exams. It happened 3-4 times, he'd always travel to my area and pay for everything.

We spent more time together after I finished my semester. I slept over 3-4 days total. He invited me to his events, introduced me to his posse and his brother. I went on a double date with his best friend and his girlfriend. He invited me to a family traditional brunch, where I met his grandma and his parents. I had all of his friends' and his mom's (!) stamp of approval, they all liked me.

Things started to feel wrong once I realized I was taking the backseat in his list of priorities. He'd spend all his time getting his stuff done, texting me more sparsely. He was so hooked on me from the start, texting me 4-5 texts in a row, such lovely words of affection all the time. We are very similar people in character and tastes but I find him selfish and rude in his overacheiver ways.

We were supposd to spend the day together. He claimed he had time today, even though he still had some stuff left to finish. I arrived at his block, texted him to ask him to open me up. I waited 5 minutes, texted him again. No reply. I knew he was busy but I felt hurt nonetheless. He finally came down after nearly 10 minutes, kinda apologized. We went in his room. He was working on a video he absolutely wanted to put up tomorrow, trying to fix an issue. Turns out he spent all his time talking about this, trying to fix it and nearly ignoring me alltogether. After he finally gave me more attention, I told him straight up that he was being pretty selfish and rude and that I was feeling like my presence was bothering him. I told him that was a sensitive issue to me cause I've been relayed as last priority before in a relationship and I never want to be in that place again.

That's when he announced me that I would pretty much fall right in this position soon, because he had decided he would put all his energy and time into his enterprise project and a few other things, which I knew were important to him. He will from now on dedicate ALL his time to this, with none left for us. He claims that he has waited all his life to get all of this started once he was done with school and now was finally the time.

He said ''we kinda rushed into this" and that we're so alike, he's himself too the type to want to make his SO #1 but now he just couldn't due to lack of time. He also said on a side note that he used to get overly attached and obsessed with little things. I feel played but he claims he hasn't played me. What's with such sudden rash decisions? I feel so objectified :(


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You were the new toy and now he wants to concentrate on his career/dream. It is good this happened before marriage. In the past women often went through this stuff after marriage. He is not ready for a relationship. You are not wrong, it is just not the right time for him.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I doubt it's rash on his part. He's likely put some thought into it and has decided that what you want does not align with what he is currently after. He feels his energy is best spent elsewhere.

    I can't tell you not to feel objectified but it's the right decision. As much as you might want him to be the one for you, he's not, at least not now. You both have different priorities and are pulling in opposite directions. It sucks and it hurts, but you should try and move forward.

    What else is there to do? It doesn't matter where you're going so long as you go.

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  • Well you weren't played, just obviously not his priority. It sucks, I'm sorry it happened.

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  • this happened to me, I wanted to see my girlfriend everyday and she was just busy all the time, had other friends, visits to the family on the countryside the weekends etc.

    look you're still on the romantic love phase while he just want a regular girlfriend now, not a demanding one. I understand you want to be all the time with him.

    But offer him a break, get yourself other things to occupy your mind for some weeks and after that see if he misses you.

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    • Well nah, I wanted a regular boyfriend whereas he decided he didn't want to dedicate any time to a relationship anymore. That's all. I wasn't very demanding I think. We were just seeing each other once or twice per week but now it seems he can't do it anymore. Maybe he'll change his mind but now I'm moving on anyway.

What Girls Said 1

  • he just isn't ready for this to happen. it sucks but you can't change it

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