I dislike dating selfish guys. Could it be I'm not selfish enough?

You know the type - overachiever, has his priorities straight, gets all his stuff done the way he likes it and maybe crams you in his schedule when it's convenient. I'm would rather devote myself entirely to my SO and take every measure necessary to make things work.

This always lets me down. I'm too much of a giver. Should I start filling my life to the max with occupations and eventually make a guy fit somewhere, is it healthier? I feel like no one's looking for companionship towards marriage anymore, every wants a life of his/her own and a casual part-time lover. :(


Most Helpful Guy

  • I also tend to give way too much, every time again. I try to go the extra mile. It is sometimes appreciated, sometimes not. I think it's just about running into the right person who's just like you and you're in balance.

    Eventually you will have to choose a person over other things you used to prioritize, but a lot of people have difficulties letting that go. It's partly selfish, but also the fact that people are not rational. They think they'll manage just fine and that the other person will also be fine with that. If you have two people doing just that, it won't work for much time.

    I don't think you should change and become more selfish in order to fit better with someone else. Just be yourself, the way you are naturally, you're not the only one who's like that. I for example refuse to change and sure people will take advantage of me sometimes, but it's going to be only once and then I cut them loose.

    And is it healthier to be more selfish? I believe being a loving person is healthier, mentally it's also better. The society is indeed changing, and it's becoming more individualistic every day. This is truly a bad thing since people are beings that need to socialize, not on the internet but in person. We are that kind of animal. But instead it seems like everyone is in his own cubicle, doing what he wants, when he wants, and doesn't really mind others. I don't know about the marriage thing, but it wouldn't surprise me if that were to deteriorate.


Have an opinion?


Send It!

What Guys Said 3

  • Well from one sharply dressed aminal to another, no you shouldn't make someone, fit in your life, but also being to open is kinda unappealing, your putting your fifty in your relationship but the other is not, its no so much that your a giver, is that your dating people that won't give you as much as you yourself are giving, a relationship has too be equal, or else its not fair to the other person, aka you. Don't rush, get to know who your dating before you start putting in your 50. Hope this helps and by the way, I'm pretty sure you'll find someone, just don't rush ^-^

  • Actually I completely understand. I have reached a somewhat similar problem with girls I meet. I want to devote myself to them and I kind of want the same in return. It seems like people have to have options now days and can't fully commit to one person.

  • It's healthiest for both you and your SO for you to be happy with yourself first. I once heard a proverb to this effect: "Your lover should complement you, not supplement you." In other words, you need to have respect for yourself in order for a respectable person to respect you. You cannot expect him to fulfill you if you feel incomplete. If pursuing your own interests for a while and developing your life will make you feel good about yourself, that should be your priority.


What Girls Said 1

  • Devote yourself entirely to a guy you're dating? Come on get a life and stop depending on a man to give you happiness. You give too much of yourself and what's left for you? You should have a life. You been reading too many romance novels, thinking you're supposed to drop everything for each other and live off love.