Is he mad? and if so why is he mad and what can I do about it?

A friend of mine texted me 3 days ago asking if I was going to be showing up at 6:30pm that night, and I replied saying that I think it's better if I don't hang around him for a while. He gets upset I think and replies with, "Ok whatever. I don't know what I've done." I was a little shocked and dismayed and so I replied back if that he wants to talk I'm always available. He didn't say anything in return.

Later that night I showed up only to help a mutual friend of ours, Alan, with some stuff and my male friend didn't say anything but he had left that night before I did and as he was leaving he passed by and said "Bye you guys." to both me and Alan. The next day I text him asking if he had time that day to talk about it, and he replied with "I have no free time tonight. Sorry."

So I asked him if he had any other day available and he replies with "I have no time this week. Sorry" I had then asked him to let me know when he did and he said "Okay." Ever since then he was supposed to show up in the evenings but he has been flaky and he has never really skipped out on anything unless it was an emergency.

I was on facebook last night and he hopped on it for a few minutes but he didn't IM me or even leave a comment. I'm saddened and I don't know what to do, but now he's mad and he doesn't even know why I had canceled on him for a while...but I'm assuming he thinks I did it cause he thinks I think he did something to p*ss me off.

So what do I do?!


Most Helpful Girl

  • what's with all the nonsense? I don't get why you canceled on him like that in the first place :( and it wasn't just for the night, you said for a while. he's probably mad because he doesn't know what the hell happened. to be honest, I'd ignore you too. I don't chase people for answers. that feels like a really big cold shoulder for no apparent reason, so I would just deem you an asshole and say that I'm too busy for you, just like you're too busy for me.

    i definitely understand this guy.

    you can do one of two things here (or both): end the texting b.s. stop asking if he's available because you know he is and he's just ignoring you: call the man up. you will probably get no reply, but you can leave v-mail saying that you didn't mean to come off that way and you'd like to explain yourself if he's willing to speak to you.

    give it three days, if nothing , you can do this:

    email or private message him on facebook; explain yourself clearly. don't say 'oh, call me!' 'cause he'll blow you off immediately. use this message as your way of talking. tell him everything you need to say, apologize profusely, and make sure he knows that it was all YOU and not HIM. don't start ranting about how you're upset that he won't talk to you because he's right for ignoring you, just tell him that you're really sorry and you'd really like to talk to him if he'll give you the chance.

    • If you read my other comments to other posters in this question...u'll see why I said I didn't wanna hang with him for a while. I didn't keep on texting him I only did it a few times...the last one was 2-3 days ago. He didn't even give me a chance to tell him why I said it....besides he's the one that texted me first. I don't like texting really.

      And as far as calling him or facebooking him I feel like I'm bugging him that's why I've been giving him space the past 2-3 days.

    • I read what you said. it doesn't make sense to to say 'i don't want to hang out for a while' when you really want to say is 'why have you been so distant?' he probably hasn't even realized that he's been distant (hence the fact that he wanted to hang out with you like nothing was wrong'. you should've said hey, can we talk? you can still do that if you message him. if you want to wait another week or something before you do, that's fine. don't just sit it out tho. you may lose a good friend

    • I did wanna take a few days away from him...i just needed the space to gather my thoughts. I mean I ultimately wanted to talk to him about it and THEN take time off away from him. And I can't see how he doesn't realize he's been distant. We don't talk as much, and he talks to everyoen else at gatherings. Surely he realizes that. I mean its noticeable. Its like even when we're alone he doesn't ask me anything anymore. Not like he used to. I might run into him today we'll see how he is.

What Guys Said 7

  • If you tell a friend, "I don't want to be near you for a while", you owe them an explanation.

    Now, you owe this guy an explanation AND an apology.

    • That's why I wanted to talk to him about it but he claims he never has time so how can i??

    • Waaayyy back in the day, the way to address a person who wasn't speaking to you was by handwritten letter. That way, you get to have your say, they get to choose whether to read it.

    • Letters are high schoolish though LOL

  • Sorry if this comes out the wrong way, but this is exactly why I don't get girls at times. You like him yet you tell him it might be better to not see each other for a few days. I know that would upset me if I liked you. I think you might be best off explaining him why you said that and that you actually do have feelings for him. Unless he's just a friend, in that case he'll probably calm down soon enough.

    • Well he won't give me a chance to explain. He said he had no free time that day nor the rest of the week. As far as interest goes, I do like him. He odesn' tknow that and I don't know what he thinks about me. We never talked about that.

    • Sometimes you might have to take the initiative, and tell him, but if you do be EXTREMELY careful of your word choice, it may upset him even more.

    • How can I talk to him if he won't talk to me?

  • 2 months of ignoreing you? you must have made him think he sleeped with your sister by the sounds of it. have you tried to tell him you want to hang out and talk?

    PS: some details are missing and I'm wondering if it was something like he told you he was in love with you and you crushed his heart by saying "I think it's better if I don't hang around him for a while"

    if that is the case you probly realy hurt him and a guy would need time to recover from something like that.

    • Well no the reason why I cancelled on him was because he's been acting differetn for a while...distracted or just distant and I hated it and every time I asked he said he wasn't acting different. So taht's why I did what I did and he got mad at me and ignored me for a while. But everything is fine now seeing as its been a while since I posted this question.

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    • That's why you look at the date before you answer. Pretty much 2 weeks after I posted this question, I had to confront him about it because he deleted me off of face book and started being MIA and acting weird so....when I confronted him he was acting normal and basicaly told me he was upset cause I was upset with him. Which made no sense and I doubt it was the truth but things are ok now.

    • I'm glad things are ok between you two now. and if someone was upset with me and I didn't know why I would be rather confused.

  • Sounds like he wants to be more than just friends and when you told him its better if he doesn't hang around you for a while he took that as you don't want to be anything more than friends. Which can be painful for a person, especially if they had a crush on ya. Give him time and hell come back around being your friend. If you are interested in more than being his friend, then I would send him a clear and loud message stating that!

    • That's why I wanted to talk to him becuase I wanted to explain why I did that but he just got upset jumped to conclusions and doesn't even wanna talk about it...and I do like him :(

  • ez tell him why and if it does not work then o well

    • I just said he told me he doesn't have time to talk about it this week.

    • Just send him a txt or a message and you know what if he is ignoring you next time you see him don't take no for an answer confront him

  • Let me break it down for a sista. YOU say "I don't want to hang out for a while", and the CONSEQUENCE is that he doesn't hang out with you for a while. Do you see how this works? It's called communication. You COMMUNICATE with other members of your species to let them know of your intent. This is not complicated at all okay? In fact most birds, and almost every mammal on the planet has mastered this by now.

    As for what you could do... this is going to sound shocking, but you SAY what you MEAN. No mind games, no double speak bullsh*t. If you don't want him to not see you for a couple of days, don't ask that he not see you for a couple of days.

    • Well yeah duh of course. But I wanted to explain to him why, it was because of the way he has been acting. We used to be close but for the past year he's gotten very distant for no apparent reason and he isn't sweet around me like he used to but is around everyone else. I don't know what happened. That's what I wanted to talk to him about.

    • So you told him you would like to talk to him, by saying that you don't want to hang out? Again I think you're missing the point of communication. If that was your intention you shouldn't have prefaced it so passive aggressively. An acceptable substitute would have been "Hey can we talk?" Whoa look at that! It lets him know that you want to talk! I'm like the f***ing messiah of speech.

    • No I meant that I didn't want to hang out with him for a while (I needed time away from him cause I was getting so frustrated about it)...but when I noticed he was getting upset and etc. that's when I asked him about making time to talk abou it. Now he's mad and he doesn't know what he's done wrong, but yet doesn't wanna talk about it to find out why.

      So I've been giving him space to cool off but I want this remedied.

  • u jus lev him to his own world...hell come around sometime...he can't ignore you forever don't wry abt it...hell b fine...

    • After a week (this happened a month ago) he still was ignoring me and kept denying my re-add on Facebook so I stopped by unannounced and he was acting all fine like nothing happened and we talked and he basically was upset cause he was frustrated becuase I was p*ssed off at him. Nothing really got solved but we are talking again.

What Girls Said 8

  • Call him up and tell him you are aware that there is tension between you two and that you are sorry but you would like to work it out.

    • That's why I've been trying to talk to him to explain why I said what I said and he won't even give me 2 minutes to talk about it and I know he has 2 minutes...even 30 minutes. So I've been leaving him alone, giving him his space ...i don't knwo what else to do

  • I think what would have been best is if you just asked why he has been acting different around you and not being nice, but still I think he is very IMMATURE for not just talking to you about it.. He's trying to put some kind of silly guilt trip on you and is enjoying the attention of you asking to talk over and over. Guys love to do this to girls because they know we're easily guilted lol. If he wasn't being nice to you and he still isn't being nice to you than forget him! You did all you can do. If he cares, he should put in the effort to talk and be concerned about why you wouldn't want to hang out anymore not just say "ok, whatever". Follow your intuition!=]

    • He is and always has been a nice guy even when he was being distant...its just I missed the small things he used to do that he doesn't do around me anymore. I have been trying to ask him about his behavior many times but he kept misunderstanding and I just couldn't stand being around hurt too much. So I needed time to just think (that's why I said what I said) ...but he didn't give me ac hance to explain and he just overreacted without even knowing my what now?

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    • Good. That's all you can do. Don't feel bad. All girls say silly things like that sometimes when they are feeling neglected by someone they care about. It's not like you said I hate you, go f^&k yourself lol. Just try to be more rational next time and start the convo face to face, so he can't avoid the confrontation like he is doing now.

    • Weird thing is today I was hanging out with our circle of firends...big group....and he was there but I was busy talking to a couple of mutual friends and he had to go at one point and before he left he said bye to me and the other 2 friends. So now I'm confused.

  • Why don't you write to him either thru email or letter. Trying to talk to him is not getting you anywhere. Just send him an email or letter explaining why you need to distance yourself away from him. I'm sure he will read the letter or email because I'm sure he is curious too why you don't want to hang out with him anymore. Good luck!

    • If he was curious he would wanna talk about it but as you can see he kept saying he had no time this week. So if he has no tiem to talk about it then why is he bothering to be upset with me when a. he doesn't know the reason ....and I would do a letter or email but I want to tell him myself face to face.

      So should I just continue letting him have his space?

    • I don't think he is ready to talk to you face to face yet. I agreed that you should give him his space and also same time try to get him to understand your feeling too. So email and letter would be good if he keeps ignoring you.

    • Well I might run into him today so we'll see how he acts. But its not like he's ignoring me, he's just not talking to me.

  • well I don't know why you are surprised y he is mad at you... he wanted to hang out and you said you shouldnt be around him for a while? I wouldn't be happy if someone did that to me. May be he is a little over reacting I don't know your background, but I think you should of explained why you don't want to be around him, and that was rude the way you said it.. what do you do, now you text him with an apology! and say you are sorry if you hurt his feelings, explain why you can't be around him

    • The reason I cancelled was because we used to be close and for the past year he has been very distant with me and sometimes doesn't acknowledge me when others are around. He used to be sweet and chivalrous around me but he isn't anymore but he is with everyone else. I was tired of hurting so that's why I said what I said...but that's why I wanted to talk to him about it but he didn't give me a chance. So what do I do?

  • communication comes across unclear in texting, he had no idea, what you emotions were, and personally to me, you sound cold

  • you should see what's up. chat with him when you can. sounds like he's ignoring you

  • just go and talk to him and see what he is thinking by doing that. it sounds like he's ignoring you