Turn down a double date?

Joined a dating site to try it out, really busy with school and life. No spare time. Anyways, got messaged by this pretty cute and mature girl that is 22, and I am 20. Well I got her to text me, and we've been chatting and flirting via text for a couple days. I asked her if shed like to grab lunch this Friday, and she said yes. Well after a day or two more of texting, she sends me this out of the blue today. "Hey, I've got an idea, Why don't you bring a single friend for my cousin, and we can all grab lunch!" I told her its a bad idea for a first date, and she asked why, I told her that I've had some weird double dates before. Anyways I asked the 2 friends I thought would be semi mature during the date and they can't go due to working/etc. I really don't want to go on a double date in the first place though, but I feel like she's not really giving me a choice, Which I kind of understand because we met on a dating site and have never actually met one another.

Thoughts and advice welcome, I'm in a bit of a pickle!

Updates:
I was able to find a wingman for the double date. He's my bro that I ride with when I go skiing. Anyways, we are grabbing dinner, and going ice skating, so that should be fun.


I am praying it goes well and isn't awkward, but oh well, ill make the best of it!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've never done online dating, but I've always imagined it to be kind of frightening for women, there are a lot of crazy people out there! She probably just wants to bring someone because she has never met you and she doesn't want to find herself alone in a sketchy situation. It sounds like you already know that on some level, but I think it needs to be clear. If you really can't find anyone, tell her that your friends are busy, suggest a double date a different time, and suggest that the two of you meet in the middle of the day in a public place.

    Good luck!

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What Girls Said 7

  • I agree with everything xxblue_eyes had to say. I get the feeling it's a nice way of her saying she's a bit leery of meeting you alone. Most of us are taught very early on that there is safety in numbers. Sounds like the woman is smart enough to be safe. Best of luck to you!

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  • Why not just go for a coffee ,somewhere pretty central - her cousin can do the spying from a far away angle. Seeing as she's that worried? I can understand meeting someone online for the first time offline as to be semi-stressful, but you're right a first date with her cousin and one of your mates is a bit unusual. It would be understandable if it were more of a social gathering rather than a date. I think you should suggest something more low-key like a coffee (or tea) and see how she responds. Tell her she may choose the establishment. This may help ease her nerves?

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  • Online dating for women is kind of crazy! We over analyze everything and open ourselves up to every possible situation that could come out of meeting people whom we have never actually met before. I'm sure you're a great guy but it seems like she has some doubt about something. If she was 100 percent comfortable with you and with the idea of meeting you in person then she wouldn't have brought up the double date thing. She's insecure about something, just ask her what it is. If you don't like the idea of double dating then let her know and tell her why. Compromise has to happen otherwise the relationship would never work.

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  • I hope you're seeing these strangers on some kind of video chat before actually meeting them in person... and a double date with complete strangers is probably a horrible idea... what if they are serial killers? You never know. and don't call me paranoid, in this world today, it's not so uncommon for that thing to happen... so many people with fake profiles and pictures... scary.

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  • Yeah that's good that you turned it down .That's not a good idea. You need to meet her in person first.

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  • It would make her feel more comfortable so do it but everyone take their own cars if they need to bail early.

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  • That's awkward, turn it down

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What Guys Said 1

  • Double dating is for established friends. And besides, strictly speaking, I wouldn't consider meeting someone for the first time from the internet a "date".

    It's an interview. Well nobody is crass enough to call it that, but that's essentially what it is. The first time you met a girl from a dating site, you're gonna want to grab a cup of coffee or a beer for 30 minutes to an hour tops. Then you go home give yourself a day or two to ponder over the interaction. Then you can call her back and arrange a more substantial hang out if your really feel there was a connection.

    Think of it this way, wouldn't it suck to plan a whole day of activities with a girl, only to get bored in the first 15 minutes and you can't escape?

    The first "date" is an interview. I little get together to size each other up. The fact that she doesn't know that speaks to her inexperience. She's thinking, "Yay! I got a date. I'm not boring anymore, and hey maybe I can take this opportunity to set my other lonely single friend up."

    On the other hand, maybe she just doesn't like to play by the rules and she's totally random. Maybe you guys are fresh outta high school, and that sorta hanging out with your friends together dynamic is still what she's used to.

    Anyway you tried to scrounge around for a date for her ugly friend. That's all you can do. Ask her to get coffee with you. Oh wait, you already have an appointment for lunch on Friday. It was just an idea. It can't be done. So hold her to her word. "Sorry I couldn't find a friend to bring on such sort notice. I'm still looking forward to having lunch with you."

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