How much do your preferences really matter when it comes to choosing a partner?

So, I'm fairly sure everyone has preferences regarding what they are attracted to. My question is, would you date someone who doesn't fit your preferences in terms of attractiveness?

For example: If you are highly attracted to blonde hair and blue eyes, would you still date someone if they had brown hair and brown eyes?

Or, for men, if you are super attracted to wide hips and a big butt on a girl, would you still date a girl if she had narrower hips and a small butt?

Would dating outside of those preferences be considered settling?

So, in other words, how strong are your physical attractiveness preferences regarding who you date? How much do your preferences really matter when it comes to choosing a partner?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It doesn't, because I don't have preferences. I remember one of my older

    cousins asked me once "what kind of guy do you look for?" I couldn't answer her,

    I can never anwser that question when someone askes me that. Physically, I

    don't have any preferences. Hair color, eye color, height, weight, muscles mass,

    etc etc. These aren't things I think about. Personality, I know what I like and what

    I don't, and when I find it, I'll know. But, nothings set in stone.

    I don't want to sound like a flower child hippie lol, but for me it's not about

    looks or a personality that I want the person to have or any preference that

    I wrote down and said "it must be this way". For me, it's a persons energy,

    aura or just some kind of connection that draws me to the person. I'll give you

    an example: There was this guy about two years ago that worked at the

    grocery store. And, before I even knew his name or what he looked like.

    I just saw him walking through the store and I was just instantously drawn to him.

    And, even though there were guys there that were very good looking, it didn't do a

    thing for me. But, this guy did, he had my attention. I guess my point is, I'm

    more of deep, spiritual, connection type person. Then I am a looks and preference

    person (hope that makesense lol). I also hope that answers your question : )

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What Guys Said 13

  • Honestly I don't think most people truly know what they want when it comes to preferences. Time and time again I've seen myself and friends date or even marry girls who have physical traits that they claimed weren't their preference in the past. When it comes to love I think most people make compromises. I don't think doing that is settling in any way. As soon as I realized this I noticed I started to get a lot more open minded with my preferences. There was a time in my life that I was really shallow and rigid and passed on truly good people because of it. I regret that now but that's a reality that I think most people should confront at least once just to learn a lesson from it.

    There are limits to this of course. I wouldn't be the same way with personality. There are certain traits I find appealing in women and other traits I dislike. I think this is important for us all to date around and figure that out. All women regardless of race, ethnicity, and any other physical features can possess those traits. While I may have physical preferences of my own, I would never reject a woman outright if she doesn't possess them or only possesses some of them. I'm using the word possess too much.. Anyway I couldn't do that because I could be passing up on something truly wondrous and beautiful in the process.

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    • You bring up some interesting points. I mainly asked this because I wanted to gain some insight into how seriously people take their own preferences that they claim to have. I like what you said about making compromises and I completely agree.

      Thanks for answering:)

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    • hahaha! I love that link.

  • It all comes down to one simple question. That question is do I find them attractive. If they are but don't fit my preference profile then all the better, I have diversified. Just because I prefer brown hair and brown eyes doesn't mean I don't find anything else attractive, it's just simply my go to...

    I don't understand people (women especially) that use they aren't my type as an excuse. Either you find them attractive or not.

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  • Honestly those DETAILED physical preference don't matter much in the long run.

    Most people's "type " is nothing more than common threads (height, color of eyes/hair, skin tone, bodytype, etc.) that said person has found most common in those that said person found physically attractive over the course of said person's lifetime.

    In short, "type" is complied 'attraction data ' of the past...you never know what the future holds! So everybody keep your mind and heart open to someone new! :-D

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  • Obviously I do have preferences, but in practice, as long as the girl meets a minimum standard in terms of looks (ie. I don't find her physically repulsive), personality is really all that matters.

    I think that's how it is with most people - maybe not if you're just looking for a random hookup in a club, but most people have already spent quite a lot of time around their partners before they start dating (eg. they're work colleagues / classmates / a friend of a friend / etc).

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  • physical preference I guess isn't that important to me since its something I have no control over it. but now personality preference I must say 100% since my major preference is for a chick not to be a drama queen or a hoochy. which sometimes I think I have no control on that one either

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  • I did that before, I dated a really scrawny girl that was much older than me. I would say it is important to me but if the person shows interest and has a nice personality I can look past it.

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  • Preferences don't matter at all for guys like me. Beggars can't be choosers.

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  • My prefences don't stem from the way people look.

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  • Im usually attracted to women with wide hips big butt etc, but the last girl I had a crush on, was this skinny white chick with small boobs, and a small butt. I guess you never know who you'd really be attracted to.

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  • It changed with age.

    When I was younger, looks meant everything.

    Now, you just have to be pretty cute, but personality means everything.

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  • I know that people wouldn't believe me, especially since I'm male (because men are considered visual) but I'd have to say that my preferences regarding physical appearance of a woman ranges between 0% and 10%. I'm not much into physical attractiveness at all, because I very well understand that beauty fades with age, when people become all wrinkly (discussing about stuff like botox is beyond the scope of this answer). The attributes which I do find attractive in a woman are her kindness, intelligence, loyalty and perhaps sense of humor (because I'm a really humorous guy myself). Regarding physical appearance, I don't judge a woman's attractiveness based on her face, because she has got it from birth and there is no way she can change it. But if she's obese, then I wouldn't really date her because its usually due to her carelessness and overeating. Likewise, if she's obese due to some genuine problem (such as thyroid issues), then I certainly wouldn't mind dating her if she has the other qualities I mentioned earlier.

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  • I have personally liked many different girls of different hair color, eye ├žolor, size, or even race. That being said I think largely being some what cute might draw me in, but personality is what would keep me. I hope you get hat I am saying.

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  • Maybe certain features like you said, but I never understood how someone that dates interracially would say that they have a preference because for instance, I'm black, but if I said I only date interracially because I don't find my race to be attractive that would be silly because that's like saying that I'm not attractive . Maybe that's why you have all the race questions on GaG from girls asking if different races of guys find them attractive.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Yes. I have my physical preferences. But personality with be the deciding factor. When it comes to relationships that is.

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  • I don't really 'choose' a partner, I think. I sleep with any girl that will talk to me, lmao. Anubis chooses my partners. He seems to select them based on my preferences, though. So, yes, they're important, in a metaphysical sense.

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  • I didn't notice this question 10 days ago.Interesting. Anyway to answer your question I would say yes I would,but it depends on how great his personality is,though he needs to have some of the physical traits that I prefer.Lets say my preference is tall,tan and big eyes guy,that doesn't mean I will reject a tall,pale dude.If he has the characteristics that I want as my partner I will definitely consider him.I don't think dating outside your preference is settling unless if they voice out something about it.Sometimes people confuse between fetish and preference.

    I will take my past experience as an example.I was dating one of this dude who has preference for a Chinese/Japanese/Korean look and I look nothing like them.He told me how I was pretty and hot to him but at the same time he will make comment about certain features of women that offended me.I also noticed that most of the girls he thought were beautiful didn't look like me at all.People will call me overacting and drama queen,insecure,low self esteem etc but believe me no one will get happy when their partner say that.Its disrespect and made it looks like we are just their second choice.I broke up with him because of that.I just felt uncomfortable around him and he also made me question my look so much.I don't think its worth to be with a person like that.I have heard that he broke up with three girls he dated after me,who were his 'ideal' preference.So I guess some people really need to figure out whether they really 'prefer' or just fetishizing certain group of people because fetish usually don't last any longer.

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  • For me, it depends on how much I feel and how much I'm attracted to the guy. If he doesn't fit my main preferences on how I choose a partner, then its alright c: just as long as he isn't abusive or anything scary like that.. lol

    I never thought of the "tall, dark, and handsome" to be as attractive before but what do you know lol. Some things change :p

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