What to do when you don't know how you feel about someone?

There's a guy and we've only been out two-three times (both very busy and we do not live close to each other). I like him, but I don't feel things are going as smooth as they should go (too much playing the texting game, no butterflies, ...). I don't know how I feel about him. He's a good guy, no asshole (as far as I know) so I do want to give him a chance. I feel that going on more dates with him will get his hopes up, which I don't want to do since I don't know how I feel about him, though I do think that's the whole point of going on dates, getting to know one another and figuring out if it'll work. I know things won't work out between us, we're too much alike on some levels which won't end good (too much drama). Should I even bother figuring out my feelings or trying to stay just friends when I know things won't work out? I'm kinda confused so I could use advice.

Updates:
He's back with his ex now, long story but he's a guy who doesn't really seemed to bother. Good riddance!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Ok, lets just breeze breeze past all of the bull and get down to the real issue. You are afraid, plain and simple. You are afraid that he will reject you if you show your interest more than he does. You obviously like him otherwise you wouldn't have bothered asking the question in the first place. You have two choices here.

    1) Do nothing and you'll always regret it and wonder what couldve been.

    2) Go for it, and even if it doesn't work out at least you will always know that you gave it your best shot and have no regrets.

    Trust me when I say, fear and anxiety led me to choose option 1, and I couldn't make my move and I am miserable ever since lying awake at night wondering what if all of the time.

    So what's it gonna be? Are you going to run and constantly question "what if I ..." or are you gonna just chill out text him say hey lets meet up for a few beers or something.

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    • You're right. I'm also afraid of "having to be" in a serious relationship. What if I find someone who matches better? But deep down I know things won't work out between us, he won't give in and I don't feel like it either. The minute I take a bit of distance for whatever reason, he's off. Just like now, I had a lot on my mind this week so I wasn't in the mood to text, I told him this in the beginning of the week, didn't reply so the next day I asked him if he's alright and that's the last text.

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    • I texted him, so I'll see what happens next :) thanks for your reply!

    • Best of luck with everything!

What Guys Said 1

  • I don't think you should use the phrase "I don't know how I feel". It's misleading, not just to others, but also to yourself. You said it yourself, you like him, so you know perfectly well how you feel, you just don't know if your feelings will get more serious than that.

    Just be honest. You don't have to have strong feelings, and you're completely right when you say dates are exactly about getting to know each other and seeing if you develop (stronger) feelings for each other. Don't go too far on dates, and be open about how you do feel, talk, communicate. Don't waste your time giving the 'right signals'. If there's important you wish to communicate you have to be direct.

    Also, be critical of yourself. Do you really like him, or do you just wish you did because he has the qualities you're looking for in a boyfriend? You can't make yourself feel love; don't waste your time trying to.

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    • Thanks for your reply and advice. It's complicated, my feelings, it's like at first, I'm thinking "I like him, he's a good guy" but then I'm like: "my next relationship should be a serious one, and I don't know if I'm ready for that, or if it should be with him". I miss him because I haven't heard from him in a while, he's on my mind every day. But we're both too strong minded, he's not giving in and neither will I. If we were "meant to be", don't you think we would change?

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    • Good. :)

      Don't worry, these things are hard to deal with, and you're being a lot more mature about it than most people, especially at your age. It's often hard to be critical of your own judgement, so often we need other people to tell us what we secretly already know, and that's ok.

      I wish you good luck. Whatever happens between you and this guy, I hope it'll be a meaningful experience. :)

    • Thanks for your advice!

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