Is he bipolar or just scared of being a rebound?

In college I dated a guy (Rick) for 5 months and he abruptly ended things prior to going off to Army training. Saying he did not want to put me through it. I moved on and dated other people but him and I always remained distant friends. I had been in a serious 4 year relationship up until this past September. During the serious 4 year relationship, Rick attempted to come back into my life by texting me once asking for another chance. I turned him down. Randomly in September, Rick text me asking to have me show him some condos in a different town about an hour from me. I said sure and didn’t think much of it because I hadn’t talked to him in probably over 8 months as a friend. Needless to say after we celebrated writing up an offer (my serious relationship was turning sour as well) I was dancing with Rick and leaned in and told him I still had feelings for him. He immediately took me outside the bar and sat me down. He began spilling his heart to me saying he always regretted breaking up with me and thought I was the one that got away. He said he could see himself marrying me. He goes I broke you up out of your first relationship back in college and now I am doing it again and this will be the last time. From September through end of October we kept talking and texting. In the meantime I had ended my serious relationship. On Halloween I went out with Rick and we ended up having sex. The best ever, many hours and just crazy fun. We kept talking after that but I started to pull myself away because I got scared. My feelings for him kept coming back so strongly. He picked up on this and told me I just needed to be single for a while. He went on to say that he would always be a friend to me and be there for me in any way possible but just not with dating or sex.

Fast forward to the end of December, in the meantime he kept saying to me that he could never see himself dating me and that I wasn’t the one for him. That hurt a lot but I accepted it and was focusing on me getting myself my own apartment, focusing on work and working out. Then he asked what I had planned for NYE, I said I was just going with the flow. He asked if I wanted to come out with him and a few guy friends and stay at his place as friends. I said sure why not. He also said that when I would get there that we needed to talk in person. I went into it with an open mind. I got to his place and we talked just like old friends do, catching up. Rick said well now what did you want to talk about. I said well I said everything in text messages and he goes well you know where I am coming from right? I said no what, he said “I just don’t want to be the rebound.” I told him that mature people don’t need a rebound and that I saw something more. We left it at that. He moved my bags into his bedroom and said that after the bars that is where I would be sleeping. At the bars other guys were trying to talk to me and he was getting very jealous.At one point he pulled me

Updates:
me towards him and kissed me when a guy was hitting on me and then goes “there problem solved”. We had sex that night. I had asked him prior to sex why he had said he didn’t want to be with me and all of that during the past few months and he said because he wanted me to go do my own thing. He didn’t want to be the rebound. He spent all of New Years Day with me while his 2 best guy friends were there. Cuddling and kissing me still. Now this past weekend I tried talking to him about all
of this and he got annoyed with me again saying he sees no real future with me. He says that I need to do my own thing.

What is really going on here? Why does he reel me in then push me away? I can’t keep going on like this but at the same time I feel something so strongly about him that I can’t just give up without a fight. What does he want from me?

The most ironic part about this all is the first time him and I dated we were one of those couples that people asked me what I was doing with him type of thing. Based on looks etc. They always said I was too good for him. I was always drawn into his personality. I just can't shake him from my mind no matter how hard I try. I will never be fully over him :(

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I find it ironic that he is worried about being a rebound. Despite that you actually got out of a 4 year relationship recently, the way he's acting towards you is very similar to how a girl that rebounded on me acted. She would play these mind games like now I want you, now I don't. She didn't seem to know what she wanted either.

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    • EXACTLY! ugh Ironically all of this nonsense has helped me getting over my long term ex. It has kept my mind so preoccupied that I haven't felt down about that. I honestly wish I would meet someone who made sense that I could have the same feelings for and just wash away all of this craziness completely. I will never meet someone new if he doesn't give me proper closure that makes logical sense is the biggest problem.

    • I hear you on that. The rebounder left without any explanation and it led to me overanalyzing a lot of things since I didn't know what I did wrong. It's like if I did something wrong, I'd like to know so I don't make the same mistake later on. Despite seeing other women after it, I still wasn't over it. Almost felt like I was in the same position where I was using another person as a distraction and I hated that.

What Guys Said 5

  • I don't know what his motivations are but I think it's safe to say that regardless he is a guy who I would stay away from.

    he might be bipolar, he mightbe using you for sex, he may be afraid of being a rebound... he might be any of those things

    but I know he's possessive, jealous, manipulative, wishy, washy, confusing, and to top it all of clearly a smooth talker with you that he can some how implant himself in your life so easily only to back out. That sounds like a recipe for disaster.

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  • I'm impressed in kind of an awful way. He is playing you, and seems pretty good at it. Tell him to fuck off and move on. It will suck at first but be so much better when you find someone better.

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  • Yeah, I apt to believe that this is about sex. Roller coasters are fun at an amusement park but not in relationships. He, stereotypically, avoids commitment with an excuse.

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    • I am the longest relationship that he had in the past 7 years. Maybe he has commitment issues? Just something doesn't add up with this. And just when I think I have him figured out he does something else random to throw me for a loop again.

    • Exactly, this is how these guys are..when they can get just "booty," why have a commitment? He is not interested in anything else, is just "comfy, cozy" right now--with u.

    • He is a psychology major if that helps any mixed in with the army way of life. I think that is how he is so good at this "game". I know I need to just say game over but it is so hard when he has my emotions all wrapped up in him again. He also prides himself on being mature, well this is far from mature. Ha what a joke!

  • I have said it before... Chin up buddy, if two gay German lion tamers can find each other, you can find someone too.

    Move on.

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  • I have one thing to say. LEAVE HIM! He is playing you and using you for sex only. The next time don't give in. Just ignore him and never talk to him again ever. You will find someone else. Be strong, don't give in, and keep your head on straight!

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    • Did you do anything to annoy him? Maybe he's jealous because of something you did.? Guys can be quite confusing... there was this one time when I would act like I didn't like this girl because of jealousy, but I was actually dying for her affection.. let me know if you have any other questions. I would be glad to help.

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    • He meant be hung up on him. He text me this past weekend to hang out then randomly said nevermind because he ended up doing something with his Dad. I think I'm throwing int he towel and moving on. It is immature to have to play such games and a complete waste of time. I deserve better than this.

    • Oh okay.. Yea, it's probably best if you did so. Good luck, best of wishes!

What Girls Said 10

  • Hmmm...I am seeing that he doesn't really want a "strings attached " relationship with you, and that you are nothing to him but a "friend with benefits." Don't get caught up with a guy like this. It is very frustrating, they never mean what they say, and on top of everything, very sporadic, unpredictable. Don't trust him and what he will say or do next, sweetie. Do yourself a favor and just stay "casual friends" with this "dick", and absolutely no "benefits." Sounds as though he is just looking for your booty. By the way, being he knows you like he does, he feels "cuddly and kissie", and yes, "possessive over-----"well, you know where I am coming from, right"? This is why he keeps "reeling you in, then pushing you away," and it will become a pattern, as it does with many guys. The only thing you should be "fighting " for right now, is to keep your self-respect, and don't be his "cuddle buddle convenience." No, he is not "bi polar," he's "booty licious."

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    • I sent him a text in mid December that said, "I gave you a second chance but there will be no more of those. I am closing this chapter of my life completely. I deserve someone who knows what they have when they have it." I didn't hear anything and thought finally I got the last word in. The next day he texts saying, "So you don't want to be friends"? Why would he care if we are friends or not. There are plenty of other girls he could have sex with. Why toy with me? I don't understand him.

    • He is COMFY, with u, he has known you--"all of uu"is what I am saying, sweetie..I had one of the same kind one time, who said that same thing with "I could get any girl for that same"song and sex", but because we did have something very special for a year(long story), I was "his girl, his love," and says he loves mee..Then why am I NOW married to another?:))

    • Girls like YOU are ALWAYS "too good" for guys like that, and when you have finally had your "fill and refill of him," you will be able to move on "and be fully get over him--and the hump." Someday you will find someone"more suitable to fill his good looks shoes," only "more comfortable better". Keep in mind, no guy out there is "One size fits all." There are plenty of "them walking" to compare to.:))

  • Wow. This is a lot. Just to make it short, you need to be straight with him if you really want to know what he is thinking, that thing about being a rebound does not sound like a feeling at all but an excuse not to get too close not too far. I can see that he is one of this guys that pushes your buttons and excites you, but really, this is how you want to have a relationship? I think you should rethink it and let him go. Besides, from your text you can tell that you are living in the valley of doubts, that is a terrible way to live. Your comment about what other people say or thought when they saw you with him, and how you take it to heart can help you see that you are young and put too much emphasis in what other people think. If you can, stop doing that gradually, assert your likes and dislikes with grace and confidence so that when you have to explain yourself, if you so desire, you can do it with the certainty of your own feelings, not your friends' or other people's. Be brave and love yourself.

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  • I don't know what he wants from you, but I think the real problem is HE doesn't know what he wants. Whatever his motivation, I don't believe that his track record bodes well for a last, stable relationship with this man. Take his advice and move on. Best of luck to you.

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  • As much as I don't want to say it but I agree with everyone else, he's using you for sex. You gotta think, military men are gone for long periods of time with no sight of woman 99% of the time. Now he has a different mentality, he loved you and yes he did do you a favor by breaking with up you before he left because it is extremely difficult to deal with someone gone away in the military but when some men get back, they look for that one person they were comfortable with and that is you. So until he figures himself out because he will never be in the right place of mind, you gotta put your foot damn, yes he is gonna get pissy with you brining this topic up, but you gotta give him a couple days to think, don't text, don't call, the minute he is trying to be sweet, bring this up, he gets pissy again, give more time until he comes to his senses, military men are molded into strong willed and incredibly difficult people to be around with but as a woman we can also mold that strong man into another form of being strong where it's not so hard to deal with, take it from me, someone who has seen it all with my military and now ex military boyfriend

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  • He sounds like a dick, sorry to say. He's playing with you. He now knows you will forgive him each time and that it will most likely end in sex. He's the worst type of guy, the type that doesn't want to be with you but doesn't want to see you move on. Next time he texts you I say ignore him completely. Don't even waste your time with a response. You should find someone that doesn't won't to let you go so easily, who cherishes what they have. Not someone who throws it away, picks it up, realizes he still doesn't want it and throws it away again.

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  • You are getting played, by a puppet master.

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    • Ironically he told me at one point that I need to figure out who I am before I get played like a puppet. He claims that is what happened in my 4 year relationship. He also said he would help me to get anything I want from a guy but these "tactics" he wants to teach me won't work on him. WTF! See why I am so frustrated. I typically have guys throwing themselves at me but not this one. He even said that, "I will be the one you can't have."

    • Typical comments players make. They act like you are the one in the wrong and they are trying to protect you to deflect you from noticing they are doing the same thing. Much like the person cheating on you that is "worried" you are cheating on them.

  • Well I really hope that you can get some closure, sounds like it would be the best thing for you. Things like this can take time.

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    • Yes closure would be so helpful. I can't meet the right one if I am hung up on the wrong one that won't give me that proper closure. None of this makes any sense to me.

  • You obviously don't need to be with him. As another women why are you letting this man that doesn't appreciate you, push you around? Don't read to much into the kissing you in front of your suitors thing, no one wants to seem anyone with an their ex. If you want to be with him don't play the game that he is playing. He knows that you are hung up on him, and is using that. Do what he says and do your own thing, if he really wants you he will do whatever it takes to be with you.

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    • True. I have to agree. Life has a funny way of working out and if he is truly the one then it will happen when the timing is right. If not, then he was a good stepping stone to help me get over my long term break up and I will find someone else I am head over heels in love with. I just get impatient and like to overanalyze things in the meantime. Bad combo there.

  • Confused how this has anything to do with bipolar...

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    • During a mutual friends' bible study session he opened up and said that he is bipolar. I did research online just a bit and some of the things he says and does line up with being bipolar. He says his mind is different than most peoples and that his mind is always racing. He is super smart and very creative, plus he always keeps me guessing so I'm drawn to that.

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    • I just wish I knew what to do right now. The last talk he had was him telling me off saying I was better off without him and that his mind was crazy. I know he isn't purposefully doing this but I just wish he would explain what is really going on in his mind. I'm willing to stand by him but he keeps pushing me away. I don't want to piss him off further so I don't know if it is better to give him space during this time or if I keep pushing forward?

    • He's telling you that his mind is going crazy. So I wouldn't take to what he says too much. Don't push him too much though. This could pressure him, maybe just take each day as it comes. Personally I liked it when a guy would not give up on me because that's what I've always expected.

  • He wants you for sex

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    • I told him that I was open to the idea of being friends with benefits but he told me no. He just kept repeating I don't want to be the rebound even in the last conversation. It seems like he is reeling me in so I don't forget about him while I recover from the 4 year break up. I am just being naive?

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    • or just simply move on. this guy is poison

    • Perhaps if you played hard to get with him, but it is more tiring than anything---and still NO guarantee.

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