Am I right to be annoyed by this?

I've been dating this guy for about one month. We don't live very close to each other so weekends is the only time we can hang out. We both don't work weekends though so it's really perfect.

Since we've been "dating" it's really been more like hanging out. His place or mine. Watching TV and yada yada. Last weekend I wanted to go out and get some dinner and drinks maybe. He said that Sat and Sun he had to watch football so I said OK. and I canceled my Friday night plans so I could see him. I ask him to go out for dinner and complained "why can't we just hang out at your place like we said"... so okay.. we hang out..

This weekend is coming up. I ask him when I'll see him and he tells me all his plans for the weekend. Friday night he may go to happy hour, sat night he promised his students that he would watch their game, and Sunday he has football.

He says that he can see me after he's done with happy hour on Friday night or we can get lunch on Saturday..

Ummmmmm SERIOUSLY? meet up with him after happy hour ? lunch on sat? I compromised last weekend and yes I would have liked a date night. Am I wrong to be upset?

Please tell me exactly what you would say to someone if you were in this situation.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It doesn't sound like he's serious about you. If he were very interested in you he'd be treating you like a princess by trying to wine and dine you, impress you, and generally make you a priority. Instead, you're getting passed over for football and happy hour.

    The fact that he is telling you that these other things are more important suggests to me that he's already decided it's a casual relationship that he doesn't value. You can try to talk about it but I seriously doubt it will change how he's treating you. You could say, "I wanted to try this restaurant on Friday" and if he says no, call him on it. Say, "So, I'm just going to be your TV partner or what? Am I not worthy of just one of your Friday nights?" See how he responds. If he insists it's more, make him prove it. You get what you settle for.

    Is this the guy you're not using any protection with? Good luck with that.

    .

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    • Thank you. That was exactly the answer I was looking for. What to say. I have a hard time wording things and somehow he twists it up but I think the whole TV partner and being worthy of a night etc etc.. is a great way to put it. So it's not taken so seriously but does desire an answer. And yes, this is the same guy. It's confusing because when he talks to me about these topics he seems very level headed and right. So I'm not sure if me over thinking it is the real problem.

    • You're very welcome. You're definitely not over thinking it; you deserve better and I hope you get the treatment you deserve from this guy. If not, I'm sure there are plenty of other guys who will step up to the plate. Thanks for BA.

What Guys Said 4

  • As long as this is happening consistently, you have a reason to have a problem with this.

    Just tell him that you want to see him more often, at places other than his/your place. You're dating. And they call it dating for a reason. Because you go on dates. Tell him that if he's going to be unwilling to make time for you and actually date you, then that's going to be a major issue for you. (Read: deal breaker)

    He'll either realize he needs to pick up the slack and start acting like you're dating, not just friends with benefits, or he won't. If he decides not to, then you should know what to do.

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  • Well you are only "dating" so you can't be right or wrong. This is the phase where you decided if he is the right one to build a relationship.

    It seems like you are willing to work things out to see where it goes, but is he in the same page as you?

    So do you have the right to be annoyed? Of course! If he wants both of your worlds to revolve around him, then that is a wrong thing.

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  • You have every right to be mad. Sounds like you are the only one compromising and he is not. But it also sounds like he may be a coach or teacher so by going to the school's games, he is showing support for his kids and community which is good. Could you maybe go to this game with him, then after go to a restaurant and have a good night together? Now I'm a guy and I love football, but I would absolutely never turn down spending time with my girlfriend just to watch it, NEVER! Why would he do this? You are absolutely beautiful and I'd much rather do something with you than watch football...wtf is football? lol. So if you don't want to go to the game and dinner, keep hinting around that you really want to go out Sunday and if he is any kind of man, he'll compromise.

    Hope I helped without being harsh,

    Centigrade

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    • I agree with you but I also understand that football is important to some men. Especially with SuperBowl around the corner. I can let that slide.. Yes, he is a teacher and that's fine that he wants to go to the students games. I think he is amazing for being involved. However, the fact that he wants to possibly see me on Friday night ? that's all he could do.. and after happy hour? Also... he didn't invite me to the game. Which I understand. and I think the games are all night. Not sure.

    • Good on you for being so understanding! At some point tho, you've gotta make him find out that you are the priority, and I don't know exactly how you do that. I'd say keep being you and stay beautiful and it should just click for him one day. The compromising should be equal on both sides and when football season is over, you two should have a lot of time to do things. Not saying wait it out, but keep being patient. Hope it works out!

      C

  • It sounds like he isn't a very active person who likes to do things. You're already bored and this is all he is unfortunately. He would prioritize you if he truly liked you. The intentions are all you need to know.

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    • well he actually is active.. which is why he doesn't have much open time to "date"

    • I'm talking about like going places and seeing things on dates. All your "dates" have been you at your place. Can even make you wonder if he just wants to be sexual and nothing more.

    • I've considered everything. This is why I want to talk to him about this. I just don't know how to approach it. I don't think he's using me for anything. He hasn't given me reason to not trust him and I wouldn't want him to think I don't trust him by questioning it. All I want to do is understand why he hasn't made me a priority

What Girls Said 1

  • Hmmm...Sounds as if "weekend willie" is putting his other priorities ahead of you, which raises a "red flag" with me. I had this one guy, whom I had been seeing for a year, and the ONLY place he ever took me was to bed..uggg...If weekends are the only time you both can get together, then perhaps it is time for some "compromise." I want to be fair here. He possibly may be feeling this relationship is starting to be a "little too close for comfort," as they say, and may be hinting around in a subtle way, he wants some alone time for him and his friends and other "happy hour, after hours" activities, being he, too, only has weekends free. I can understand that. Instead of being continuously "upset", which you will be if you don't do something about it now, have a chit chat with him, and perhaps, so you, too, do not have to compromise all of your precious weekends, maybe see one another every OTHER weekend. This way, you both can take some time for friends and other interests, and this in turn, will have more effect on a healthier relationship. You might also want to tell "wee willie," that you would like to see the outside world once in awhile when you are hanging, and that doesn't always include hanging around the house. Find things you both enjoy, like maybe a nice restaurant with both your favorite foods, go to a movie, some nice pub for a few drinks, just anything to get you both out and about. It is not healthy to continuously sit him, as young as you both are, and have to be like two old fogies, watching TV, munching on popcorn..And when you would go out, compromise on the spot. There are a lot of men who are "couch potatoes," which causes a problem in their relationships, and when they would get married, bring it on over to the "other side of the field." You need to nip this in the spud NOW, or continue to put up with him, because couch potatoes only grow worse as they----Grow older.

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