Right now, I've been doing some serious thinking about my life. I've made some goals and pretty determined to make things happen.
Dating or being in a relationship has something I've been wanting for a while now after pretty much avoiding it for the past few years due to other priorities.
I am currently looking, mostly through online dating (no luck so far) but I have been thinking for a while now about moving out of state within the next couple of years. I'm pretty sure about this and already making plans to make it happen.
So I've been wondering if I should not look for love until I move or something happens (sudden career opportunity for example)? Should I just let things happen? Maybe even start looking for a potential relationship in the area I'm interested in moving to through online dating?
I've also thought about ditching online dating since I've had absolutely no luck. Really, it makes sense to rid of it.
Thanks again. :)
Most Helpful Guy
Seems like even if you "stopped looking for love", it would still be part of some kind of plan you made. So either way, it seems like you're trying to control something that can't be controlled.
I've never understood the phrase "looking for love", as if they were interviewing for a job or something like that. You absolutely cannot predict or plan who you will meet, how you'll hit it off with them (if even at all), and so many other factors that are involved in relationships that people think they can somehow plot out and look for.
Whether you're looking for love or not, I would advise nothing but just chilling out and taking life as it comes. People work themselves up so much about finding a partner, whether because of fear of being lonely or like it's just some kind of step they need to do.
I'll give you a personal example: My best friend puts a lot of effort into hiding something within: his insecurity and lack of self-confidence. He's been "faking it til he makes it" for years now, but so far he hasn't made it. And I'm baffled how he hasn't come to the conclusion that you can't fake it, you need to experience it for real and develop yourself into that sort of thing. But with him, he basically meets girls from the standpoint of them either being future girlfriends, or nothing at all. The concept of a girl friend doesn't exist to him at all, there is only girlfriend or nothing. He works himself up into stress and frustration when these preconceived motives don't pan out like he wants them to.
I use him as a more extreme case to show how trying to plan out these things seems normal because a lot of people try to do it, but it seems as if nobody stops to REALLY look at it and see that you simply can't.
From the sound of your situation, it seems you're wanting a relationship, but you're also trying to plan between finding one and telling yourself to ignore it (which you realistically probably wouldn't do, since you want one to begin with). But what I'm answering with is this: Don't plan it either way. You can't find one that fits you great by simply focusing your attention more on it, because that is just unrealistic and could lead you to try and make something into what it isn't or can't be. And you shouldn't bother with your "status", for lack of a better word, to be "not on the market/not looking"...because that would still be trying to control things unrealistically.
Just chill out, live your life day to day, and take your experiences as they come. If you find someone along the way, great- it will have been effortless and because of you living your life anyway. And if you don't find someone, great- you will not have wasted time and energy trying to control the uncontrollable.1