Some background info: 3 years ago I met "the love of my life", Jason. 10 years ago I met my best friend Marky. Now, Mark and I have never dated, never so much as expressed any feelings other than friendship towards each other (aside from the occasional flirt). We've never really had the chance. We've always been with someone. He has been through a lot of family issues and also has PTSD from being in the Military. Him and I have had many long late night talks where we laughed and we cried. He is my rock and I love him.
Recently, there seems to be something more between us... He's been looking at me differently, longer. He compliments me more than normal and he's been sharing his stuff (drinks, food, cigs...)more when we're together. For the first time in years, I have butterflies when we're together and when I catch him staring at me... He has a girlfriend of 2 years and I have Jason... the 4 of us are friends aside from Marks girlfriend being a complete and utter bitch. I'm pretty sure she only has one other friend and then Mark. They live together and Jason and I live together. Marky has a large family whom I've been close with for as long as I've known him. They like me and treat me as though I am family.
Jason has a small family and they like me as well but I can't stand his mother or his sister. Hate them for personal reasons I don't feel like getting into. Jason has a lot of health problems and that's what's brought us so close. We spend a lot of time in Hospitals. He loves me and tells me I am beautiful everyday. He always wants to hold me and kiss me. We have a lot in common and we get along pretty well for having been together for 3 years. The only issues I suffer are the slight trust issues I have because of the way we met and also because of things he's told me from his past that have been repeated while together. He hurt me twice in the very start of our relationship but I gave him another shot. He has been great ever since and unless he's just really sneaky, he's been faithful.
I am happy with Jason, but I can't help but think and imagine what my life and future would be like if I were with Marky.
I'm looking for some advice and opinions. I know I am a horrible person... but feel free to tell me so anyways.
Most Helpful Guy
Stop. Just Stop.
Your imagination and the illusionary life that isn't there, is putting both you and your friend Marky at risk. If he is really having feelings for you and you for him it would have happened by now. You need to keep your head where it should be. You have someone that is dedicated to you yet your head is in the clouds with something that doesn't exist.
Although it is nice to entertain, you both have a lot of ties either side. This isn't a fantasy, people will get hurt on both sides and 9 times out of 10 after the dust settles feelings change and you would have lost everything.
It really seems like you are fishing for something...if you want out and your not happy than do it for you. Not for your friend Jason or Marky, but for you. If you can't in your mind sacrifice them both at the same time and say to yourself I can live my life without them both, then you aren't ready.
You like the stability yet don't like the stability with Jason, and you like the unattainable or the "what if" with Marky. But your fooling yourself. You have something really great and your sabotaging it and blowing it for yourself.
The truth of the matter is this...
YOU DON'T DESERVE JASON.
Best of luck.4