Is it selfish to not date someone with a kid/kids?

Here are my reasons for not wanting to date a man with a kid/kids?

1. I want to come first in a relationship. I wouldn't mind his family coming before me in certain situations. But with a child, it's different than that and I don't wanna compete with the the kid/kids.

2. His kid/kids will ALWAYS come before me which I can respect but can't accept.

3. The exes/baby mama drama eventhough it's not always like that I don't wanna have to deal with it.

4. I don't like kids nor want them EVER, so it would be stupid for me to date someone who has them.

5. I don't wanna help be responsible for someone else's child.

6. I just want it to be US only.

7. A guy with a kid/kids are a turn-off to me. Everything about it just turns me off.

But those are just my reasons. So have you ever had experience dating someone with a kid/kids? Share your experiences and opinions.

Thanks!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you don't have kids then you have every right not to date a guy with them. There are many cons to dating single parents. I wish they would just date each other and leave us childless people out of this mess. I don't want to deal with baby mama drama. Its sad but most guys my age have kids. It's not selfish. You're not obligated to date men with kids.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Sure. it's selfish. Appropriately so.

    I have kids. I love them. If my marriage broke down, I'd probably be most interested in a woman with kids. But you single people? I would definitely be aiming for other childless singles! Kids are a big, big, big, big, big deal.

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  • I mean, yeah, it's selfish...but not in a bad way. As much as I want to have children of my own in definitely don't wanna be mixed up with someone that already has them. I just don't wanna deal with all that.

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  • Hmm I wouldn't just because it may not be something I ever want in life. Why would I be with someone who wants what I don't want? At least not at this stage in my life.

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  • There is never such a thing as being selfish when it comes to dating preferences.

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  • Yes, it's selfish. But is it wrong to be selfish? That's the real question.

    I wouldn't date a woman with a child either.

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    • Why wouldn't you? Or are they the same reasons?

    • All those reasons except number 4. I'm open-minded about having kids.

      Also, two other reasons. I could never love someone else's kids as much as my own, and I don't think that would be fair to those kids. Also, if my girl had some other guy's kids, being with her I would be constantly reminded of that fact, and this may sound weird, but I would feel emasculated and jealous, as if this girl wasn't really mine: quite a primal feeling, I think!

What Girls Said 9

  • I used to date a guy with a kid that he only got to see a few times a year. When the kid came to visit, he became distant and kept making up excuses to not see or talk to me and it continued and never stopped, to the point where he won't even respond to my messages. I do believe he cared about the kid, but he also used the kid as an excuse to avoid me when he lost interest and didn't want me anymore.

    A kid can cause more issues and if you want to be the only one and don't want kids as it is, then it would probably be best for you to date someone without them. I don't find it selfish, because a single dad is carrying around baggage with him and you always wonder if the ex is going to be in the picture as well.

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  • Number 4 is the only thing you would need to explain if someone asks you this question.

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  • If that's your choice so be it..there's plenty of guys that don't have any...I'm divorced have 2children well 1adult and one 17 year old...and I don't want to date a man with young kids or grand kids ..pfft I've raised mine not selfish just my choice..I want it to be me and him as well ..just standards of mine ..:)

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  • Nope

    As long as you don't have any kids yourself I think it's perfectly reasonable

    Plus, at 18-24 it does raise an eyebrow if a dude has kids.

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  • I don't think its selfish. Go for what you want.

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  • No this is not selfish. I also wouldn't like to date someone with a kid.

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  • no, if you aren't selfish you are going to end up unhappy. I think you are confusing selfish and shallow. shallow means your standards are ridiculous when comparing them to what you have to offer someone in return.

    if you don't have your own kids, it is perfectly reasonable to not date someone with kids. if you neglect your basic needs, you will end up highly unhappy. even if you like someone, at the end of the day, if you are sacrificing a real need in a relationship that is important to you, you are only hurting yourself and it will cause resentment.

    many women do this because they don't want to end up alone, or they love the guy. but a dealbreaker is a dealbreaker.

    that's why it's important to think about what your dealbreakers are versus things you like but are not dealbreakers.

    when something is a dealbreaker, it means something that no matter what you will not be okay with.

    example, to me it is a dealbreaker if a guy does not have a college education, because I am educated.

    you not wanting kids and not having kids is reasonable to say you don't want to date someone who has them. on the other hand it may be shallow to say you like brown eyes so you won't date a guy with green eyes. but the kids thing is legit. it will just cause relationship problems.

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  • No it's not selfish.

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  • It is what it is.

    Make sure you find a guy who also doesn't want kids, though.

    I don't mind kids, so I don't mind dating guy with kids. When I was younger, it may have been an issue, though, in a serious relationship. I wasn't ready to be a step-parent. But after that, it wasn't a biggie. Now that I'm not sure I can have any of my own, I may even prefer a guy with kids.

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