Shy guy - Is he interested or unsure of what to do?

I have hung out with this well-known shy guy 4 times and everything always goes well when we are together. We have good conversation and have kissed/made out 3 out of the 4 times. We have known each other distantly for 5 years now. I initiated the kissing 2 of the 3 times because he seems all nervous around me.

The night he approached me in the bar to cathc up with me was the same night his friends talked with me and I mentioned they should set me up with him. They all were really excited about this idea. I have been told that I am the girl that can walk into a bar and have any guy that I want. He is the same with any girl he wants. He is known for being really shy and have never had a girlfriend. He even told his friends that he doesn't know how to talk to girls.

My dilemma is that he is so shy that I feel like I am acting like the guy in the situation texting him asking how his week is going etc. Is this normal for me to have to initiate things when he is so shy? I don't text him every day because I don't want to come on too strong or worse be clingy. I asked him when we were hanging out last weekend if it bothered him when I text. he said no and that he just doesn't know what to talk about. It's almost like he is scared to say something wrong. He has told his friends about us hanging out etc. The one night when we were kissing good bye I said to him that I really like kissing him and he got a huge smile on his face and said well good.

Do you guys think he is just that shy? He did mention the idea of going to a movie together last weekend which we did so that was progress. I think I am just getting impatient because other guys would throw themselves at me by now but it is different with him. He is very reserved and quiet. How do I proceed forward to get him to open up a little more about what he is feeling?

Should I be doing anything differently? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think he is just really shy which is strange. Because like a previous responder said, I i liked a girl and the feelings were shared, then the shyness would go away quite a bit, there might still be some shyness (because shyness is just part of the nature of who you are), but it wouldn't be crippling shyness.

    I think he just isn't the "leader" type, and that's fine. This is where human nature truly comes out. You mentioned you text him how his week is going and sometimes feel like "the guy" in the relationship because of it. Well don't feel that way. He is who he is and you are who you are. Don't ascribe false socially constructed gender ideals to your or his actions, because human nature doesn't act that way that society sometimes brainwashes people to be.

    at least he's authentic. He is not trying to play some "role" society tries to carve out for men. Like some template of behavior he must follow. He's just being himself. Doesn't make him less of a man, I think it makes him more of a man honestly but that's just my opinion. So if his nature doesn't bother you, then I guess stick with it. But if you want that standard 'gender role male' then i'd say look elsewhere.

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    • I agree with you 100%. I have no problem taking the leadership role because I like who he is as a person, his likes/dislikes are similar to mine and we do have a lot in common. He isn't like other guys I have dated but that may be the best thing for me considering those relationships didn't last. I just wish I knew how to make him feel more comfortable.

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    • He is done with school and only works during the week days. A lot of his buddies live near him and always are asking him to do stuff.

    • I guess thats why. He got guy friends, and still has other obligations. But he didn't reject you or anything lol. He only said "I gotta see how my schedule works out and Ill LET YOU KNOW".

What Guys Said 2

  • Perhaps this is a case of you needing to be the guy in the relationship (not literally) attitude wise. Some guys are meant to have dominating wives. Unless you're not into that kind of thing, in which case you could encourage him but I doubt he'll change if that's his style.

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    • What I mean is do exactly what you're doing if it's getting you the results that you want.

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    • Yea that's what I'm saying. Clearly he's not a leader type and in any social relationship there's always a leader, so I'm saying maybe you have to take it. All you need to know, is if he doesn't say no, then he's probably into it. Besides, you told him you liked kissing him and he smiled. If a girl I didn't like told me that you wouldn't see me smiling!

    • No he definitely isn't a leader. He kept asking what movie I wanted to go to and I kept saying no you pick. We kept going back and forth. I guess that is probably my sign that I should take the initiative for all of this. I can tell he isn't the most experienced in kissing but I wanted to boost his confidence saying how I really liked kissing him. I thought it would help. I hope i'm doing everything right, this is so hard.

  • I'm a fairly shy guy as well. However, once I know the feelings are shared, that shyness goes away. Making out, to me, would be a pretty good indication of shared feelings. So, he may just be REALLY shy. You might have to wear the pants... Just my 2 cents

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    • I'm trying my best to keep it going. I text him last night letting him know that I'll be home this weekend and that if he wants to get together that I'd be up for it. he responded saying alright. I'm not sure what I have going on this weekend yet but I'll let you know. I realize it's only Tuesday but you would think he would say something like ya we should get together. Ugh this is what is confusing. Now do I just wait for him this wkd to contact?

    • Don't wait for him. Live your life. If he doesn't want to be a part of your life, that's his loss.

What Girls Said 1

  • Omg I hate that! Initiating the texts and everything is so stressful and some times they barely respond.

    To be honest the whole chase thing is kinda fun but if I were you I'd keep my options open

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