Very lonely. . Need a gf soon?

I'm going to be 36 which means I'm almost 40.. Im a good guy who just wants a companion but I'm too afraid to talk to women cuz I know they won't like me. I hope to be married before 40. Your thoughts

Updates:
I only said i need a gf soon cuz I'm getting old and time is passing me by.. I've almost lived half my life already

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You aren't too old and at least you have taken a step in realizing that something must change. However, looking for a empathetic response on GAG is like looking for honesty in Congress. I'll give it a try. Much of what your responders said made some sense. The one thing in your question that is very telling is "... I'm too afraid to talk to women cuz I know they won't like me." Now that has to change above all else, I think. That might be a good reason to seek the help of a counselor or therapist, one who could objectively work with you on that very issue. Have care, though. I'd say roughly half of counselors and therapists are quacks. If it's not working out with them in say a month, then seek someone else.

    In the responses, you mentioned that you were engaged. Doesn't this kind of contradict the idea that "they won't like me?" I'm sorry that it didn't work out, but that should be evidence that you can talk to women and you can get some sort of response. You did it before, so try to do it again.

    Your weight was also mentioned in the responses. I understand you have a disability of some sort, but I know and work with people who are unable to walk at all and they are at a healthy weight and they do work out (yes, disabled people work out). They do this through diet and exercise. Google it and I'll bet you anything you could find some form of exercise and a diet that can improve your health and make you more attractive. Wouldn't it be better to at least try than not?

    I couldn't even advise what to do on your approach because you don't seem to do that. A trusted and intelligent female friend might be very helpful, but you have to start approaching them. You did it before, so you can do it again.

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    • I have more to say, but it's late and there's not enough space. The first step is working on being afraid to talk to women. I believe that's the most important. Work on making yourself as attractive and interesting as possible next. Good luck.

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    • Ask them why. The answers they give might tell you something. You could expand your circle of friends. Above all else, you've got to work on ditching the attitude that you are doomed from the start. You attracted a fiancĂ© once, so consider that evidence that you can do it again, if and when you stop presuming that you will forever be rejected. Next, consider doing what you must to increasing your attractiveness. You've got to bring something to the table. Have something to offer.

    • If it were as simple as asking people on GAG, then none of us would ever be lonely. This is just a start. Seek the help of a counselor, therapist, or trusted mentor to work on your issues of hopelessness.

What Girls Said 7

  • Very lonely. . Need a gf soon?
    I doubt you need a gf more likely you want a gf possibly due to idealization and romanticizing of a gal being your girlfriend will make you happy. I find very very very few guys want a gf and from those that claim to it seems rather they want what a gf represents (someone to make him happy, someone to amuse/entertain him, someone to be there for him) not a gal as that would imply reciprocation (someone he makes happy, someone he amuses/entertains, someone he is there for) rather than focusing on him. Plus I doubt they want a gal as these guys like seemingly most guys don't genuinely like gals or hold much of a positive opinion of gals.

    "Im a good guy who just wants a companion"
    In which case perhaps prostitutes, escorts, or mail order brides would be suited. Considering your hope to be married it seems a mail order bride is more suited. (?)

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    • So u decide who's worthy of a gf?

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    • @quantumdefender
      Though do explain your logic of how this is anything of "he's very lonely, let's abandon him" when I have no responsibility or obligation to ensure he's not lonely and I'm offering several viable options.

      I'm not even going to bother with the pet bit as not only does a complete stranger differ from one a person has a prior relationship to but tires of it I'm giving him several viable options not driving him someplace with no options.

    • @Janson
      Not seeing how it's a debate to ask you to support your claims... o. O

      Egh I wasn't talking about beliefs. I was talking about you making claims without support and asking you to support them.

      Again next time instead of telling me what you feel like I'm doing because of your issues you project onto my answer stick to what is typed.

      I'll take your opinion and laugh at it considering it's illogical, based on emotion, and making unsupported claims.

  • Are you the middleaged guy, that rides the bus and stares at all the 18-22yo girls with wanton lust on your face?

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    • Hey I have a bicycle damn it

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    • Why r u so mean, he's just looking for some advice. When you get older and become completely invisible to men, hopeful someone makes fun of your lonely ass too

    • That's soo mean you will die miserable for making fun oh him.. Loneliness is the worst thing in the world

  • Why don't you try match. com , hopefully it all works well. If it doesn't you can just become an old cat man

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  • If you don't change the way you think, you're going to stay single FOREVER.
    you KNOW they won't like you? how can you possibly "know" this... don't think for other people and let go of your fears if you truly want to move on.

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    • I know they won't like me cuz they never hit on me

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    • Well, you are wise beyond your years then! ;-D

    • :]! Thank you again.

  • seriously, uhm, if you're very lonely, a girlfriend won't really solve the problem. you need to find something realistic because if you really need a girlfriend to fix your loneliness it won't really. make yourself happy first, and people will probably see the good in you.

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  • Well, you should try dating sites, it's a step closer to where you want to be,. not lonely.

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    • I try them.. they reject me on there too

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    • Thanks Sammy 31

    • Your welcome.

What Guys Said 11

  • You're 36. Cowardly. And have low self-esteem.

    You don't need a woman. You need to brake free of your self built prison. No one is going to fulfill you but you. A woman might distract you from the problem for a time being, but when that relationship fails, and it inevitably will given your current state of mind, you'll be right back where you started and with even less time to fix things and foster a real connection with someone.

    Go get yourself straightened out before you look for a relationship.

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    • How am I cowardly?

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    • I've tried for 18 years. . How do you know I haven't tried? I've endured so much headache and loneliness. And another thing it's not that I don't want them they don't want me so it's not my fault

    • I meant heartache not headache

  • My Anatomy teacher was a virgin until 38. Not because he was ugly or anything, but he made a choice to wait until he found the "right one".
    My advice to you would be to try find a social group (i. e.- church, book review, something of that nature ) where you might be able to meet females who aren't just interested in sex. Try to form friendship (lasting) and as you get more comfortable talking to them and being accepted by them, you will eventually be able to find someone who shares your life values and experiences. Then you can develop a loving relationship. Hope all goes well :)

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    • Um where did I say i was a virgin?

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    • She's An Expert?

    • I can say, she has the "GAME".

  • Hey dude. I'm sorry to hear that you're lonely. i believe you when you say that you are a good guy, It's possible that you need to change your mindset though, in terms of how you think people view you. Assuming girls won't like you isn't a great way to start. You should definitely work on getting a gf, but first, try to understand what women want. Whoever you bring into your life needs a reason to do so that will benefit them also. If you can present yourself as a guy willing to listen and take the time with a woman,, i think you'll be alright. i hope you find someone buddy. And don't think that you are a looser for looking so late in life. For starters, you aren't all that late, and second, you're not a looser. You may feel that way, which is why you think girls won't like you... but in my eyes you will never be a looser for being lonely.

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    • Thanks man I really appreciate that. . I've actually been engaged before but it didn't work out

    • well im sorry to hear that. Just make sure to change some of the habits you have. I was watching a really good video which i think you may like to see too

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-juyEIgwhGQ

    • Kudos for avoiding the counterproductive language seen so often on GAG. See what I wrote to skullyy.

  • http://www.puatraining.com/

    I went to england for the PUA course and to be honist, they gave me the gift of reading girls and their behavior patterns, aprouching and other shit. The stuff they teach you in this course is nothing god like that cannot be found from the internet or dvd's, but it gets you way further than a any book or dvd because you have the dating professionals covering your back. Its like going to war with the terminator, rambo, mcguiver and michael scofield all on your side. You are in good hands. They work on solving your setbacks, so its very personal training.

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  • Here's the real question.

    Why ask a question when you're not ready to hear people's answers? Pretty much all the answers here on this page have been responded with either:

    1 - Self-pity.

    2 - Excuses.

    So... how do you expect us to help you if you can't help yourself? I'm not trying to be mean, it's literally impossible to help you. You've practically completely boxed yourself off from any kind of help.

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    • I'm not looking for people telling me to go to the gym.. I'm looking for advice on how to talk to women

  • Don't think too hard and don't try too hard and you will be ok with a few pointers from a woman. Find a sister or friend that is a female and have her give you a make over and start getting involved more in community affairs and social functions. If you put yourself out there and appear kind and confident you should do just fine.

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  • go to YouTube start watching pickup dating and relationship videos. start watching self-development videos on confidence and changing your life.

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    • Those are for attractive guys

    • those are for everyone. r u not attractive? r u for ex fat? well go to the gym as an example.

    • by your age and what u wrote unless u do something like i say your gf if u can get 1 will leave u. thats the truth.

  • Try dating sites bud

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    • I do.. those are even worse. They don't respond to my messages, they don't even view my profile

  • I am not sure

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  • Read the book called "the game, penetrating the secret society of pickup artist" written by Neil Strauss, then read "the mystery method" by mystery, then read books mentioned by those two authors, that will teach you enough game to get a gf.

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    • Thanks man.. I'll definitely look into these

    • Seriously do. They changed me from lonely to getting laid. There is a book by a guy named swingcat, and another by a guy named juggler. But start with Neil, them read mystery. Investigate all the guys neil mentions in his book. Plus neiL has a second book called mastering the game in thirty days. They all help. Please read the game to start, it will change your life, then give me a holler letting me know it goes.

  • Have you tried a dating coach and/or a dating service to improve upon any characteristic/behavior that may be the cause of your anxiety to approach women?

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