Why no responses on online dating?

I was wondering how come on online dating you send out a thoughtful first message you don't get a response back? I get it probably not interested but at least respond back to say not interested cuz after all the guy took the time and effort to read your profile and send you a nice message. Your thoughts please

Updates:
What's a good example of a good first online dating message? Keep in mind 8 not a witty guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ummm... welcome to how rude online dating is. Everyone disrespects each other in very much the same way. HOWEVER, in their defense... sometimes its difficult to express to someone you are not interested. When I tried okcupid, guys would literally start to argue with me and ask me to explain WHY I'm not interested. One guy almost cursed me out! So that's why everyone nonchalantly ignores each other if you don't look like Brad Pitt circa Fight Club, or some other attractive being... in THEIR opinion anyway. You're not the only one on there sending pleasant messages and getting silence in return. Most people endure that for over 90% of the messages they send out.

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    • Sorry you had that experience. I can see why some women won't respond back.. I'd say thanks for writing me back and leave it at that

    • Its fine. As I said on another thread, I despise online dating because everyone treats each other as though they are expendable. If someone complimented another person on the street, they wouldn't just turn around and walk away. They would at least politely say thank you. But since everyone sits behind a computer and the experience is so impersonal, they feel as though they have no obligation to show the slightest bit of respect to a person they can't physically SEE or know exists. I sent messages to guys as well and got NOTHING in return MOST of the time. Its just the nature if the beast, and something I think you have to get over in order to have a more enjoyable experience.

What Girls Said 5

  • Usually if I didn't respond on any sort of online dating site (meet me, POF, okcupid, etc) it was because the message I got sounded like he just copied and pasted it from girl to girl. There wasn't originality and honestly a lot of guys said the exact same thing when messaging me. If a guy had been creative or funny in his message then that definitely got him a response back. You've got to keep in mind that the girls on these sites are trying to avoid guys that seem to only want one thing. Give the impression you're genuinely interested in what she has on her profile or something like that. Not a "Hey, saw your profile and you looked cute. We should talk and see where things go." it's too generic and most men who are looking for a booty call usually start their conversations off that way. Aim for originality and humor :) best advice I've got for you

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    • Not every guy is looking for a booth call. The generic messages you describe I don't do. I read their long profiles and I take one of their interests I have in common with and mention that.

    • No i realize not every guy is. But when a girl is being hounded with 20 different men just looking for sex she becomes a bit more guarded and a bit more suspicious about the men messaging her. It sounds like you are trying to find something in common with these ladies and hey it may just be that you haven't had the best luck. I'd say keep trying but online dating is not as easy as it promotes itself to be. Hopefully a girl will latch on to that something in common and a conversation can take off from there but I'll be honest with you. None of my online flings ever went somewhere. I've found that looking for a relationship never turns out as well as when a relationship happens by chance. But that's just me personally. Best of luck!

    • I'm 35 and I just started dating last year and I actually got a gf but it didn't work out. My first gf and all my dates came from online dating cuz I'm too scared to talk to women in person

  • Sometimes an attractive girl will get 60 e-mails in a day so they don't care about you and don't know how much time you spent into crafting a response. If you want somebody who appreciates you - find somebody who is less in demand.

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    • What do you mean by in less demand?

    • less attractive. A good looking person could get up to 60 - 80 e-mails a day so they are more likely to ignore you.

    • Well I'm sure there's someone they aren't ignoring

  • Because girl's iboxes are flooded with lots of " hey" messages and then a lot of " hey wanna get a load of my magic stick " ones as well so your message gets lost. Also you may just need to take better selfies

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  • Maybe not interested. I think it's common politeness if the guy send the message to you.

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    • Women are too picky and want perfection

  • You are unnatractive

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    • Why do you say that? What about me is unattractive?

What Guys Said 5

  • I have met girls through online dating and what they say is that when they do send a reply back saying they aren't interested they get cursed at and yelled at and the guy just tries to convince them otherwise.

    Plus many girls have told me they can get around 50 messages a day. Do you really think a girl is going to tell 50something guys she is not interested every day?

    Just go by the basic rule that no reply = no thanks. Plus whenever I got any reply back that said she wasn't interested I even thought it was a waste of time to open a message that tells me she is not interested.

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    • But most likely not every girl is getting that many messages. . I doubt their are guys getting that many first messages

    • If she's a 6 or up in the stereotypical scale of attractiveness she is getting that many messages. There are even girls using misleading photos who are actually 5's that have told me they get 50 hook up requests a day on POF to the point where they take down their profile. What I am telling you is coming straight from girls I have met off of these sites.

    • I've also been told they only message guys that are attractive

  • That's just the way it is. People just won't invest the time or energy. I found my wife online and several gals before her. I found the best use of my time was working on crafting my profile very carefully and keeping it updated so I stayed near to top on the searches. The ladies will write you if you get your profile right.

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  • In my opinion, guys use online dating because they want a relstionship and because they want sex and will sometimes mask it in a seemingly heartfelt message. Girls join the sites, a few may want a relationship but many aren't that bothered, dont join with the aim of finding a partner and its just a bit of fun to be out there and available. Immediately they get sent loads of messages from guys, some genuine some crude, and guys are left wondering why no one replies and why no girls send the first message. Girls are fed up with the amount and type of messages they recieve and just dont bother to read their inbox anymore. End of

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    • I can't help what other guys do.. I can only be accountable for me

  • On average, maybe 1/4 of first messages sent by men on online sites get any sort of response.

    Why?

    Because women literally get 20-50 messages a day on them.

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    • I heard online dating success is based on looks mainly

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    • So they only respond to hot guys?

    • No, I wouldn't say so. Only a small number of men are actually considered 'hot' by women. They consider most men to be - based on appearance - 'okay looking'.

  • It is best if a guy sends out dozens of messages at a time. Then he might get one or two back. This is a common tactic guys use to increase their odds. However because of this women get so many that they really can't be expected to reply to every message.

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    • I don't believe that it's a numbers game

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    • Why?

    • Why? Because you don't yet understand that it is a numbers game. If you want a girl, the more often you put yourself out there the more you increase your odds of finding a girl that likes you back.

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