My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years as of yesterday, all I wanted was for him to acknowledge it but nothing. I did wish him a Happy Anniversary and wasn't upset until his response, silence then "oh I thought about it today" and the next sentence was how busy he is and the excuses kept coming. Not going to lie it hurt. Our lives are complicated and very busy but every time there is an occasion I get the excuses and it always turns into my fault. We play the same conversation, how busy he is and he has so much to remember so on. I remind him of certain things but it is always forgotten, if someone else tells him something he remembers so to me it just means I am not important. I am older, been married and divorced. There are certain things I do want in a relationship and sometimes I see myself following old patterns. Should I just forget all the little things that are important to me then there is no way to be disappointed. If it is not important to him guess it shouldn't be to me. So confused. I can honestly say I do want a future with him but this part of our relationship is starting to make me pull back.
Hurt he forgot our anniversary among other things?
What Guys Said 1
The problem here is that you expect him to feel the same way as you do about these things. Unfortunately we are all human and think differently.
I can tell you that I've also forgotten things like anniversaries but it didn't mean I was any less committed or that I cared less for my girl. This actually happened to me, I'm telling you this so that you can see just how bad it can get:
My ex's b-day. I was thinking about it the day before and all week leading up to it. That morning I woke up thinking about it. The day carried on and we met, hung out... then the day came to a close and she looked sad. She told me I forgot about her birthday. I did. At the crucial moment I just forgot... but I REALLY DIDN'T for christ sake. That was the irony. Of course, she didn't believe me, who would? And that's just what women don't understand. It's something about the male mind that makes this possible, as ridiculous as it sounds.
As for his friends- He considers them in a "work" frame of mind. This goes for anyone who is not you or family. He has a reputation, a duty to be professional to a certain degree with his friends. You are a part of him, his life. With himself and his life he is in a relaxed state. He lets things slide. He doesn't pay attention because he's mind is resting on a hammock somewhere in the Caribbean, it's just him (and you, who are a part of him). This is why it appears that what you say is unimportant... which is not true. It's just that his brain is probably half way through his third Mojito.
I don't want to tell you to forget about how you feel. Just understand where he's coming from and be more flexible. If you remind him and he starts making excuses just say, "It's Ok, I don't want excuses... I want you to fix it. I'm going to do such-and-such right now. I want you to figure out what you're going to do about it." This gives the man a task- a direction. Men can also be trained butt takes time and you have to be cajoling.0
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