I want time for myself, but he get's upset/sad?

There comes a time when people need their own time, correct? You see, I'm living with my fantastic boyfriend and we're always together. Every now and then I ask for a little alone time, but he gets upset, sad, almost. I've been told by my therapist that I should have more alone time ( Because I've been filling my plate with plans, friends and work) but, my boyfriend still wants to spend 24/7 with me. Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly, just I wish I could get some alone time to just take a breather, and maybe focus on myself for once. What should I do?

Updates:
UPDATE: I have weekly therapist appointments and I'm currently getting treatment for my mental illness.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree, sweetie, you should have some space, some time alone. No matter if you both are nestled like two birds of a feather in your love nest, or living in separate quarters in another branch. It's not healthy, nor wise, to be hooked at the hip That much, and not be able to mingle with other friends, do your own thing, such as even a hobby, or just some sort of "time out" for yourself. And of course, this goes for your fine feathered fellow as well.
    You both need to sit down and have a serious convo about finding this time apart. However, you need to be more firm. Don't allow him to rule the roost when it comes to ruling your life, And some social life. He has to be told that at least Once a week, you need to spread your wings a bit, where you Both can "take a breather" from one another, and learn to Focus on yourselves. It will make for a better foundation for your relationship, and still keep you love birds chirping in the process.
    If he stubbornly refuses, try and set up an appointment for you and him to go see your therapist. I think he may even have these insecurity problems, where he is afraid to let you out of his site, out from under his protective wing, for fear you're going to do something behind his back to break up His happy haven. A man who is This controlling with these sort of ideas, has a few issues of his own, and they need to be dealt with, or you could be in for more "bleak beak" problems in the future... Especially down the road if you both would ever decide to tie the knot. It needs to be nipped in the bud Now.
    Good luck. xx

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What Guys Said 6

  • You need to approach the conversation with him openly and honestly. "hey, BF - listen, I love you and I love spending time with you. I am the type of person who needs some alone time, though. It has absolutely nothing to do with you, and everything to do with who I am and what I need to feel grounded. I need time to recharge (try to bring up an example where he sometimes wants 'alone time' as well). It's important for me that we have a healthy relationship. If I have this time to recharge, then I can give more of myself to you... if I don't get this time, I find myself being resentful of some of the time we are together. I hope you'll understand."

    Then, you need to set a 'schedule' almost. Something where you get an hour each day, or whatever. I don't think it's fair to ask him to leave the house. If you need time out, then you might want to leave. Just keep the communication open so he's aware of your needs and what you're doing to fill your needs.

    And at the end of the day, his upset feelings are his to deal with. He needs to learn how to adjust to your personality as you've had to adjust to his.

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  • I think the way you phrase it has a lot to do with why he's unhappy about it.

    If I said to you, "Dear, I need some alone-time away from you".
    It can be easily taken as "I'm tired of being around you".

    You may actually be damaging the relationship by making him think you are getting bored of the relationship or want to spend more time apart. You may be causing him to doubt the relationship, when no such thing is occurring. The context of how you say it makes all the difference.

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  • Your therapist? Are you kidding me? So, you say you love your BF, but the way i see it, you "trust" your therapist even more. Unless you have a serious health problem, you shouldn't go to a therapist as a rule of thumb.

    Also, which idiotic therapist would recommend you to be alone? Just think about it. Are you happy when you're alone? If you feel happy doing it then do it.

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    • Yes, I do have a mental illness. I am also comfortable when I am alone and with the illness I have, doing things that would make me comfortable is highly recommended.

    • Show All
    • @Asker: Alright, first of all, i did not know that you have mental health problems. Im sorry about that. I dont really have any say on this question of yours anymore. If you dont like my answer, you have two choices, a. ignore me, b. report me. I did not mean to hurt you in anyway. Come to think of it, you did not mention that you have a mental illness in the beginning and now i have 2 dislikes? Was it my fault that the question which you posted in the beginning was not in detail talking about everything?

    • @LovelySerene: Why're you dragging me into this? I did not say being lonely is a sin. I know that everybody needs time for themselves, EVEN ME. And yes, you are absolutely right, im a needy person. Because, Im a lonely guy and i know what kind of DESTRUCTIVE psychological thought pattern loneliness creates. So choose your words carefully, otherwise im not going to stay silent and might as well start bashing you with hard words you won't even bear.

  • I agree with this, how do you spend time away with him though when he lives with you?

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  • You need to do what's best for you. Just explain it to him nicely. Tell him to hang with his friends.

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  • he doesn't trust you

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What Girls Said 4

  • Oh. my. Gawwwd. Your boyfriend needs to stop being so clingy! lol I don't know how you do it. I can't stand it when guys are clingy and needy like that! Men should not act like there is an umbilical chord : / It's cute and sweet that he likes to spend time with you, but noticeably, boldly getting upset if you are busy sounds emotionally manipulative.

    Just tell him straight up "Stop being clingy" with a chuckle. "I love spending time with you, but we live together *insert chuckle/smile real charming*. I need some me time"

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  • I as if I saw my shadow self when I saw how your bf does :)

    Yeah I totally agree with you, but I want you to know that he's just too much loves you. Tell him in a kind way about what and how you feel, tell him that you love him very much, it will be helpful to release his pain and sadness.

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  • Talk to him about how you are feeling and what the thearpist said.

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  • Happy and healthy relationships include personal, alone time for each person. It's not that you don't love each other or don't want to be around each other, it's just that doing so 24/7 is near impossible and unhealthy. You both need to be able to function and be happy on your own; if you are unable to do so you become unhealthily dependent upon the other for your happiness.

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