Dating a damaged girl is my conduct appropriate?

I met this amazing girl in my gym she is just outright gorgeous and nice but she always had this vibe of sadness underneath.

I asked her out and she said yes, now we're dating for a month now and she opened up to me how her dad abused her and she just got out of a abusive relationship.

This is hard for me to hear since I love her a lot. I'm not sure if I should tell her so soon though. My strategy is just to be her 'rock' make her feel happy do a lot of activities and be someone she can rely on.

Do you think this way she can heal and I can rebuild her trust in men or do you think I'm doomed to be the rebound guy?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think if she's willing to work on herself it will work out. It sounds like you are doing the right thing, trying to be her rock and show by action that you are someone she can rely on. Just keep in mind that there's only so much YOU can do. She is going to have to put in the effort as well. She's going to have to open up about these things and try to mentally and emotionally heal. Whether that's with you or a therapist or a best friend, she needs to be working on it.

    I don't know the extent of her abuse or how "damaged" she is, but she should get therapy just to have a safe place to talk and learn that she can still have a better future, none of that was her fault, not all people are going to mistreat her etc...

    Also, you don't have to say the words necessarily if its not the time. You can just continue to show her by actions. Do sweet things for her, continue to bet here for her and so on. You can also just let her know, "I really care about you and I want you to know I am here for you..." things like that.
    I hope things go well for you two (:


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What Girls Said 3

  • The best thing I think you can do is RESPECT HER. Please no sex.

  • That's a really great start! As long as you balance the friendliness with compliments (or sentiments to show that you care for her) so she doesn't think you aren't that interested. I doubt you are the rebound guy after a month, rebounds in my experience tend to be a couple of weeks at most, but definitely don't tell her you love her yet. Jumping into it too fast might make her feel trapped, and that is the worst thing you can do if she is used to abuse.
    Just make her feel comfortable, and let her set the pace. It will be very rewarding to her if she gets to learn to trust men after all of that because you let her see that abuse isn't part of a healthy relationship! See where it goes, and of course if the time should ever appear to be right, tell her you love her. She may not have heard that in a heart-felt manner in that previous relationship, and that will be good for her when you two get further along in the relationship.

  • In my opinion that sounds like a good idea BUT you have to make sure she doesn't take that as you're just her friend. Since you do like her more than that and being her "rock" she might interpret your actions that way. Other than that just be careful you may be her rebound guy if the relationship she got out of is recent. It can heal someone, get them to trust men again and let people back in their lives without that wall of mistrust thatshe may have.


What Guys Said 1

  • What & how you are doing is great. Just remember one thing and that is don't EVER try to make it seem to her that you are being sympathetic cause she's been abused earlier.

    1. It will be bad for her own self esteem
    2. She may get used to be crying on the shoulder for everything which is bad for her

    Be chivalrous, courteous, kind, loving, pamper her etc but come about it as someone who'd always do it cause you love & care for her :)

    Forget about her being able to trust men, let her have trust in you first. Her being stable in the mind is the first step for her self confidence whether she trusts anyone or not later is immaterial :)