I'm only shy when it comes to women, when I'm around guys I'm comfortable. How can I be confident around women to where I can ask them out?
Most Helpful Guy
Shyness comes from worrying (FAR beyond what is reasonable) about what other people think about you. You aren't shy around guys because you figured out that, other than a handful of people that you respect, you don't really care what they think about you.
But because you are desperate to get a girl, you care what girls think of you, and you care WAY too much, and that makes you shy.
You need to start by accepting the fact that girls turn down guys all the time, for lots of reasons, so there's no need to take a rejection personally.
Second, you need to NOT focus all of your efforts on a single girl - that's the fastest way to fail. Instead, approach EVERY attractive girl, try to talk to her for a few minutes, and if things go well, ask her out. EXPECT to be rejected, and if you are, smile, say "no problem, thanks anyway!" and walk away like you know a secret she doesn't know. The secret is: another attractive girl will be along in a few minutes, and you can try again.
It's a mistake to try to find the "perfect" girl FIRST, and THEN ask her out, because you put way too much pressure on yourself, and are too hurt when she says no, which she probably will because she'll be able to feel your desperation. If, instead, you get used to talking to EVERY attractive girl, the nervousness will go away, you'll be comfortable, and you'll get dates.
Learn to filter out/eliminate girls AFTER you've been on a date with them, not before. This does a few things for you:
- It gets you dates, which gives you experience.
- It will help you get past your shyness.
- Other women will see you with different girls, and they'll be interested too, because you're already "female-approved."
- Other guys will see you with different, attractive women and think "Whoa, that guy is a stud" and your reputation will be that, instead of "he's a shy geek" or whatever.
The idea isn't to expect to marry the first girl you date; it's to date different girls and learn what you like.0
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