My boyfriend doesn't show affection?

I've been with my boyfriend almost 2 years. It is long distance so we only see each other once or twice a month. In the begining, he did cute stuff, held my hand whenever he could, hug me, even spontaneously kiss me. It made me feel special. Like he wanted me. I knew he truly loved me because of his actions. Now, I feel that he is losing interest in me. He hardly gives me affection. And its not like I've tried. I have spontaneously given him a hug or a kiss and I get no reciprocation. Its been going on for months, but I just shrugged it off. But even though he tells me he loves me, he hardly shows it. And sex does not count as affection to me. I just see it as something a guy always wants and he will take who ever is there.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Unfortunetly I was this way for much of my marriage. You learn how to show affection from your family of origin. We didn't have it growing up. Because I thought that I didn't need that affection I didn't think she needed it. even though she asked for it a lot. I thought I was giving her a lot of affection. but my idea of a lot was not her idea of a lot. I love her very deeply, that was not the issue. I regret not getting into couples therapy to truly figure that one out when it was first an issue.
    You really need to sit down and be very up front with him. Explain what your feelings are. Explain very explicitly what he is and is not doing. Make sure he understands your feelings. had my wife done this I would have been very different. I just didn't know any better.

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What Guys Said 3

  • I don't think your view of sex is entirely correct. For me at least sex is not appealing with just anyone, I definitely only have it when there is a connection there with someone. But it could be any number of things all you really can do is ask him what's up. Could be his way of showing love isn't physical touch but yours is. (read the book The 5 love languages). I would say ask him and read the book if thats not working there might be a more serious problem going on.

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  • Dont hate, me on this but he's bored of you now. If You still want him, Dress sexier, Look sexier, be sexier and talk sexier ha

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  • Actually sex can be a form of affection and it is not something that a male always wants that he will just take when available. Regardless you need to actually tell him this in no uncertain terms; if he has not been able to achieve a greater sense of togetherness with you and has made zero effort then that may be what you have to consider as a reality.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think you should talk to him about it... AGAIN. Pick his brain and figure out what he is thinking regarding the relationship. It doesn't sound like he even wants to be in the relationship anymore just from his actions alone. TELL him how you feel. If you guys can't sort this out, then find someone who will give you the affection you deserve.

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