How to overcome fear of approaching women?

I've been single now for almost a year and I want to get back into a relationship again, problem is all my dates have come from online and recently I haven't had any success.. I've never approached a woman in person cuz of my fear of rejection for not being attractive enough. . Ladies can you please tell me if I'm attractive enough to approach or should I give up on finding a gf? Thank you. .

  • Have a great chance
    41% (7)30% (7)35% (14)Vote
  • A small chance
    41% (7)30% (7)35% (14)Vote
  • Just give up and stay alone
    18% (3)40% (9)30% (12)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Thanks for your honesty
What made you pick small chance? Just curious..

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Most Helpful Girl

What Girls Said 5

  • Have a beer or a few vodka drinks before approaching women. Thats what i do when I go out

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  • What about you have the women come to you? Have you tried speed dating? Maybe this could be good to get your feet wet and possibly overcome your fear.
    http://www.pre-dating.com/?WT.mc_id=google

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    • I'll try it.. thanks

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    • When I graduate as a gynecologist, before even I've done a 3 finger pelvic exam on a fit latino college chick, the FIRST thing I'm going to do you friend is prescribe you a pair of balls! Stop being so negative and man up!

    • What does my gender have to do with it? You don't think men have feelings?

  • Make sure you act like yourself. Never change who you are or what you believe to attract a woman. People who are insecure about themselves tend to alter their personalities and push women away in this way. Everyone is insecure. I am told that I'm good looking often and I am terrified of dating to the point where I believe I will be alone forever. ... Saying that this may sound highly hypocritical but it's not worth it to stay alone out of fear.

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    • I can't help it

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    • Girls say they want the guy to be ''Himself'' but the truth is they don't. I act like myself all the time and women and girls hate my guts.

    • I'm in the same boat.. They don't care if we our ourselves. . They want studs

  • You're fine there's nothing wrong with you. You're acting if you're Gary Busey.

    Everyone gets rejected at some point, you can't let that get to you. Rejection doesn't mean it's the end of the world, it just means you have to look somewhere else.

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    • 80 percent of the poll said i have a small chance and that was coming from women

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    • start hitting on women. dont fear rejection.

    • They don't want me to hit on them...

  • Never thing your not attractive enough for someone... An example from someone i know- she didn't have anyone and she didn't think she was attractive enough for anyone but she found someone equally as her and there still dating

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    • Women on online dating told me im ugly

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    • Why would I have confidence when women reject me and tell me im ugly everyday

    • Big difference Imagirl women and girls don't have to do anything to get noticed hell even the fattest/ugliest women get hit on. Us guys need to prove we're even worth being friends with. Double Standard if you ask me.

What Guys Said 20

  • Facing your fear of approaching women head on is, in my opinion, one of the most effective methods to overcome your fear of approaching them. Approach women. Approach them with regularity. However, I suspect your most crippling fear in regards to women is the fear of rejection, which will not be addressed by merely acclimating yourself with the act of accosting them.

    Barring a miracle of some sort, approaching women in and of itself will not address your self-esteem issues, or any issues which may be contributing to your lack of success with women. You see, your insecurity is apparently causing you to look for approval and acceptance from women, which is, depending on their opinion of you, determining how you feel about yourself.

    To overcome the fear of rejection you must first value your opinion of yourself above all others. For many that is not a easy task, by any means. But, it can be overcome by setting goals for yourself and achieving them one by one in succession, which will, inevitably, help improve your confidence.

    For example, when my friends and I began lifting dead weight at a local gym, we started out with relatively light weight in comparison to the regulars at the gym. They would often ask us to come over and lift with them, but we declined, we did not want to embarrass ourselves. Were not confident in our lifting capabilities. But over time, as we continued to lift the "lighter" weight, we gradually inched our way up to lift the heavier weights. The "big boy" weight! Perhaps we could have lifted the heavier weight, at least a few times when we first started, but we were simply not confident. Setting and reaching our goals gave us that us confidence to not worry about failing in their presence.

    That being said, improve upon any and all the things in which you feel may be causing women to reject you. Accept yourself. When you no longer seek validation from women, your fear of rejection will subside and thus your fear approaching as well.

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  • Just by reading your description I can find three key objectives that you can focus on in order to achieve your goal. By the way, what is your goal? Overcoming fear to approach women is not a goal. Your goal is to find someone. Although fear can be irrational at times, fear is often an indicator that you are in over your head. Your brain is telling you that you're just not ready.

    I don't know you personally, but if you feel this way towards women, the problem isn't fear. It's that you accept the fact that you're not good enough by not taking steps towards change.

    Now, I mentioned three objectives you can achieve that will lead to desired results (finding someone). The first objective is establish a goal and never lose sight of it. You are contemplating giving up because of rejection, when in reality the only person pushing you to give up is yourself! Whether or not a girl says yes or no should not influence your vision. Your goal is to find someone, and if it takes a thousand no's, so be it!

    Your second objective should be to address your insecurities. If you don't feel attractive, what are you going to do about it? Stop clinging to instant gratification and think about your goal. Your attractiveness is one obstacle to overcome. Fix your diet. Work on your body. Start developing better grooming habits. Spend money on yourself so you can look and feel like a million bucks. Remember, the greatest investment in the world is you!

    The last objective is to silence any and all opinions and think for yourself. With your goal in mind and self-esteem in check, you can officially detach yourself from public opinion. It's your life. Why should some stuck up girl who rejects you have a say in it? Why should some jerk convince you that you don't have the goods? Forget the people who don't care about your vision. They are distractions. You literally asked a question asking for opinions that would decide whether or not you should quit trying to get girls. NEVER QUIT.

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    • Why should I change who I am? Shouldn't a girl like me for me

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    • Couch potato? I work 60 hrs a week.. and who said i have to scrape at the bottom?

    • I guess I should have read your comments before taking time out of my day trying to help you.

      You're not ready to be helped, and you're definitely not ready to be a boyfriend.

  • Buddy there is nothing wrong with your looks.
    But your confidence and your view of your self image suck. That has got to improve. Being Doger Downer is not going to get you anywhere.
    If you can't love yourself don't expect anyone else to.
    Jeez I'm not even a woman but I wouldn't want to be around you because you're bringing me down. Just with your writing here.
    People can sense these things a mile away. Everyone has an aura around themselves. Your aura is very negative and self defeating. Being like that, you won't stand a chance.
    Getting rejected sucks and it's hurtful. But your opinion of yourself is being more hurtful and damaging than what any woman who doesn't know you can do.
    You MUST improve your self esteem. And you need to start now. The longer you go beating yourself up, the more you'll get kicked while you're down.
    Someone here suggested getting into something where you have to talk to people. It's good advice. Maybe work in a restaurant as a waiter. It will be difficult at first. But it will get easier. And you will have a great way to judge how you're doing. The more you increase your gift to gab. The more your tips will go up.

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    • I know how to talk to people, I'm very outgoing just not around women I like

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    • www.amazon.com/.../191-0711096-4864916

      I'm pretty sure I sent you this link before. But 1 last time

    • Oh yes.. I remember. . But it doesn't help with women and that is the sole thing I care about. . What do you mean by tips.. I have a great pay job and I'm not going to leave it to be a waiter

  • Dude, how many times are you going to ask the same questions and give the same excuses (horrible ones by the way) before you start listening to what's being said to you? At least your using your real screen name now and not asking anonymously anymore. I really think the best thing for you is to temporarily forget about women. Just don't even think about them. You need to work on yourself, specifically confidence and self image. Cultivate friendships, develop hobbies and in general work on all the other things you want to improve one. Then once you have your stuff in order, and only then, should you be concerned with building a life with another person.

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    • He started under his real name until people started giving him crap for having an excuse or complaint for every bit of advice he was given. It's only the last week or two that he's been going anon.

    • I agree with this

  • if you go to YouTube and search the name corey wayne he has literally hundreds of videos that deal with this kind of thing and about being more successful with women. i check out his videos all the time. he is always making new ones. his advice is 2nd to none and he speaks the truth. he is a guy who has been there, done that. but ya YouTube him and you will see what i mean. hope this helps.

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  • The only way to get over the fear of approaching women...
    ...
    ... is to consistently approach females until the fear factor reduces. Over time you'll see females as people instead of dieties you need to impress.

    Unfortunately no matter how much u ponder, read, study or observe guys approaching females... there's no way to shortcut the "practice by doing " element of approaching females.

    Trust ME... approaching females does get easier and easier the more you do it!

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    • I have never approached one so it's never happening

    • From personal experience, the toughest thing with approaching females is what to say to "break the ice". After the ice is broken, you introduce yourself and the conversation flows from there.

      The easiest ice breaker is to ask her what's she's drinking. Otherwise just ask her something about the scenery going on.

      Once she responds, introduction yourself, then let the conversation flow!

    • I don't go to bars

  • Dude, if you can get dates online, you can get them in person. Online, the odds are MUCH more against you than in person. In person is so much easier than online. Think about it from math for a moment.

    You see a cute girl.

    Online, you message her, and you are one of 50 messages that day, not only making it likely you won't even get noticed, but giving her the impression she's a model that deserves six pack abs on a man.

    In person you approach her, and you're probably the one guy that approached her that day (maybe that whole week), you get noticed, you have a chance to make a human connection.

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    • What You Say Is totally logical but I'm afraid to approach them

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    • Good point

    • You nailed it, bubbiexo.

      And dude, I'm not saying you're good to wait 40 years. I'm saying if you *want* to get a girl, you can do it. Get in shape and start talking to women whenever you go out. Just random conversation. I went to the gym at Uni today, and walking back to my car, some cute girl was 10 yards behind me with clinking car keys. I walked for a little bit, stopped, called back teasingly, "You've got some *loud* car keys!" She smiled, joked back, and we bantered for a minute.

      Not only will such tiny encounters make a girl feel happier and more liked, and make *you* happier, but it will make it easier for you to talk to girls. It will make it routine to strike up a conversation.

      It's the real reason behind idiotic pickup lines. You say some stupid pickup line enough times that you're used to chatting up some girl out of the blue (and the lines help you do it despite nerves), then you don't need them. You can make conversation.

  • Online dating is pretty bad, I have major difficulty's approaching women and am a fairly decent looking guy. Things that make it easier are working out that helps a ton. Bars are kindve lame place.

    Just being friendly, try standing up straighter with your chest out, smiling, women take note of this a ton more then you would think. Even just try waving perhaps if you can't get words out.

    And posting dramatic stuff that usually only girls post about being sad about being single is a turnoff for woman to witness its probably the same way you walk around with your head down.

    Need to stop viewing it as you need a girlfriend actually you don't need one but if one was to be around you might accept it kindve like a bonus to your already awesome life.
    Everybody gets lonely but don't let it get to you so bad.

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    • I do walk around with my head down. And yes having a girlfriend is important because how else to get sex

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    • that is why women think they have so much power but once u realize that then the power is yours :)

    • They do have the power.. women are beautiful

  • You have to show confidence no matter what. Just think that there are billions of women in this world so if one rejects your advances there are far more possibilities out there. It's a sheer numbers game and eventually you will succeed with perseverance just like everything else in life.

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    • I'm not a number. . Rejection is very personal and hurtful

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    • I can't take the loneliness much more

    • Wow that's it? Everyone is done?

  • you need to become more comfortable talking to girls in general , you need to find ways to talk to more girls when in public and get practice at talking to them and becoming more comfortable around them

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    • When I try tolook at them and smile they either give me a dirty look or would look away

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    • Ryan I'm looking for a gf

    • yes I realise that and not saying try and date those girls just get some practice in public talking to more girls , mean no girl being paid to talk to the public is going to be rude or reject you if you try and talk to her about something related to work , its just a way to improve your speaking skills and become more comfortable in public around girls

  • You should definitely give up. With an evasive and lazy attitude like yours, you're really screwed. Chicks hate that.

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  • Doesn't your past relationship give you a bit of confidence?

    Also, being wile for a year isn't that long, man. Just keep working on it and good things will happen.

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    • No because I found her online and she was just using me

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    • You're assuming failure when the truth is that you have no idea what lays ahead. Just take control of the things you can and let the rest unfold however it will. If you have confidence and feel good about yourself you'll attract the right girl. And if you're low on those things (confidence and self-esteem), then maybe consider working on them before you head back out into the dating world.

    • Women reject me before I even talk to them. . I accept myself but it doesn't matter cuz women don't accept me just cuz I'm overweight,

  • www.youtube.com/channel/UCFns-k9UgOhVRnKHdynzU2A
    This channel might help you out.
    Make sure to watch all their pick up videos and advice videos.

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    • Thanks for the link.. I just have to accept I'm not the kind of guy women want to date

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    • I was referring to your attitude, like I have been this whole time.
      I even told you about a video of a fat guy getting girls' numbers and you didn't even watch it.

      I'm getting really tired of this shit, I won't be replying anymore.

    • I'll check out the video. Sorry I've just been going through a very rough time. I apologize if I haven't shown any gratitude

  • Dodger,
    please do not fear rejection. Rmbr, if someone rejects you means they are passing the opportunity of a fine man and a spl one is waiting down the aisle... pls approach instead of thinking we could have done this or that... Attraction is not all about looks...

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    • So I don't have looks

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    • approaching is a man's job generally. we must give and see signs of approach.

    • I don't want to bother them

  • I picked C I'm too ugly for a GF and can't even get female friends no matter how confident I am or come off. I've learned a long time ago its better to just give up and fail then making a complete fool out of myself. Women and girls only go after the good looking douche bags, with money and nice expensive cars. I know for a fact if I was a 10 in looks, had a good paying job and drove a BMW, Mercedes or Porsche women would be all over me. But I don't have good looks, or lots of money or a car. So I'll remain single forever.

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  • Just learn to not take rejection personally. If you approach a woman in public its not like she knows anything about you. So its really just a first impression and not personal at all.

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    • by the way I accidentally clicked Vote C instead of B lol so 1 of those Vote C's is false :P

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    • So what impression is she judging me on? My looks

    • Yes looks are pretty big when it comes to first impressions. But also she would judge how you talk and act.

  • I can't see what's wrong with getting rejectedit happens to everybody. You've got to persist and not be fazed by rejection.

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    • Cuz even online dating rejection hurts. I can't imagine rejection in person

  • Dude, all you need is practice. Speak to as many girls as you can during the day, even to the one's you aren't attracted to, and make them laugh. Making someone laugh is one of the best things to increase your confidence in my opinion.

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    • I want to ask girls out not talk for the sake of talking

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    • I give up *face palm*

    • I'm sorry I can't look like Adam levine

  • Why the f**k do you want to be in a relationship? Women are crazy and partnering yourself with insanity will always be a recipe for personal destruction. No, as Snoop dogg correctly identified, women are like 7up, never have never will.

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    • Um maybe cuz I like sex that's why

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    • No it's not. it's easy... what's hard is overcoming your resistance to it. My local gym has group sessions like Zumba, it's mostly chicks but I've done it a few times and there's no shame at the start in being slightly behind everyone else since every single person in there would have been there at some point. You're one of the luckiest 5% of people in the world that you're healthy, live in the developed world with nothing holding yourself back except your own imagination. Little muhammed in Somalia would quite literally kill to be you!

    • I don't want people to see me exercising

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