Why would he do this? Is he becoming abusive and controlling?

My boyfriend and I have been together 5 years. he's never been abusive or controlling no signs of it or anything. Recently we got into an argument about something small we didn't get physical or yell or nothing. Just us both laying on my bed debating about it. At one point I got upset about how he was acting like everything he says is right so I turned away from him. He grabbed my arm hard and it hurt but I figured he's not aware of it hurting me. So, I pulled my arm away and turned away from him and said "Stop grabbing me" which he ignored and grabbed my arm again to turn me over. Except this time it was rougher and harder so I pulled away but he was gripping me hard so I shoved his hand off and told him "I said stop grabbing my arm because its hurting me when you do that!" and he replied with "Well I wouldn't do it if you would stop turning away from me"..I was shocked that he acted like it was my fault because I wanted to turn away from him I never thought it'd get physical.. Is this only the beggining will it get worse?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have been there and done that. He feels that you guys have been together for so long that its okay to do this because you have been together for so long and you won't leave him. It won't get worse just the arguments will get louder and he will grab your arm again. I would be up front and honest with him and let him know how you feel about this situation and your concerns. Have this talk when you are both in a good place and not in a bad mood.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Well I'm not sure of your age and your boyfriend's age but abusiveness usually doesn't set in until after youth, so you might be seeing it develop in him. There's really no sure way to tell whether it'll get worse, but if he did it once he's going to do it again.

    Bottom line, you need to point out to him what he did and the fact that he got physical. Something like this is never acceptable and if he thinks he was justified in this situation then that is a big red flag to future abuse. If he doesn't work on it then it will probably get worse over time and he will probably repeat behavior like this, rarely does someone get physical only once.

    If he eventually succumbs to it again or isn't showing effort in controlling it you should probably think about separating. My mother and father were fine when they were young but my dad slowly became more abusive, and I would seriously getting out before something like that happens because it's awful and you'll feel trapped after spending so much of your life with him.

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  • i don't think he's become abusive or controlling. he felt by you turning away that you were ignoring him or rejecting what he was saying. so he was physically grabbing you so (his feeling) you would listen.

    it wasn't a good move on his part and he needs to learn to control it but I don't think he's becoming abusive... still it is wise on your end to maybe notice a pattern of behavior

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  • Probably. But it is normal and common. You can't predict about it based on this single incident.

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  • If it were me, I'd say I was getting tired of the girl so bad behaviour is creeping in.

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What Girls Said 0

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