How do I tell a woman I'm not interested without being blunt about it, but so she'll understand?

I was at a diner party several months ago, with a lot of people I didn't know. The next morning I got a Facebook friend request from one of the women there. I thought "wow, she remembered my name?".

I didn't think anything else about it at the time (I'm pretty thick sometimes). She is attractive, smart, kind of funny. Anyway, we ended up going on a few dates (5 total). It just never clicked. I mean, nothing clicked at all.

She still messages me, from time to time. Hopefully she will eventually understand that there is no chemistry between us? Should I just keep ignoring her and hoping she'll quietly go away? Should I be direct and tell her that there is zero sexual attraction there?

I'm not sure what to do.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Both works I mean most people give up after being ignored a few time. But five dates is a lot it's way more mature to say

    "Hi. I know I've been distant lately. I was pulling back because I've been thinking and I don't think we are compatible. I wish you the best."

    • Yes, she seemed so great. She still does. She would make this awesome friend, but I don't think that's possible, or desirable, at this point.

      I'll think for a while, but you're phrasing is the best so far.

    • Yeah just friends isn't a good idea once you date it's insulting to go backwards unless you both didn't like each other.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • I don't understand how you go on 5 dates with someone you are not interested in. 2 I get just in case the first was a fluke, but five seems excessive and a little like leading her on.

    • It's like this. At first, I was surprised she did show interest by friending me (sort of), because I had noticed her at the diner party. But she acted cold and distant at the end of the night so I thought she wasn't attracted to me.

      Later, I seemed interested, she didn't. She did, I didn't. And so on.

      I have sex on the side, so it's not like I have this pressure to be with her because of that. Overall I think she's great, but really there's nothing there to be a life partner with.

      I am interested in her, but it's always seemed way too complicated for what it is. And there is no sexual attraction, you know what I mean? Like, bend you against the wall and take you. There is nothing like that. It just feels more like a friend than a lover.

    • Still seems like it would have ended before 5 dates. Then again I refuse to be with anyone that doesn't give me butterflies after the second date.

  • It's better to be straight up. Ignoring her is kind of mean. You can just tell her you aren't looking for a relationship right now and wish her the best in her life. Hope it works out for you.

    • But that would be dishonest. Which I gave up a long time ago. I am looking for a relationship in my live. I can't lie.

    • Then tell her you don't think the two of you are compatible. Still better than ignoring her. I don't agree with lying either, but you can still be vague and honest. She doesn't need a detailed reason since you didn't have a serious relationship with her.

  • why would you avoid being blunt so shell understand?

    be blunt so she WILL understand.

    • It's just she's so nice, I don't want to be mean to her. I don't even know why I'm not into her, I'm just not.

    • you dont have to be cruel but you should be clear. it is mean to give her the impression you like her when you dont.

      she ll move on once she knows clearly you are not interested.

      its the kinder thing to do.

      just tell her you're not interested in persuing anything. its not mean its to the point and not treating her like a child.

  • I enjoyed getting to know you but I would like to continue to meet other women. Or, don't say anything. Either way she'll get the hint. Although the first option is much better, and she'll waste less time on you, leaving her free to pursue someone else.


What Guys Said 3

  • Just tell her you enjoyed the dates, but that you've decided to become a woman.

  • what about her.. she likes you or feels the same.

  • Both options work.