Not developing an emotional connection with a guy. But I like him? What should I do?

So I've been in one previous relationship and I was pretty hurt by that. I had an emotional connection with that guy although I never slept with him. I felt like we had something an unknown unspoken understanding about eachother and I fell for him really hard. But since I've even hurt by that relationship, I vowed never to let myself become so attached so fast. It took me almost a year to get over him. And I sometimes thin I'll never really be completely over him because he was my "first love."

Now a little more than a year later I started seeing another guy. He's great in every aspect and perfect for me on paper. I enjoy spending time with him but I don't miss him when I don't see him like I did with the first guy. I also have less fun with this guy than the other one. I am attracted to him physically and like spending time with him. My question is would that feeling of connection come later? Is it because I have been hurt in the past and don't want to become vulnerable that I'm not so attached to this guy? Or is he just the wrong guy for me? But I know logically he is perfect. So why can't I develop an emotional connection to him? It's already been 4 month


Most Helpful Guy

  • It could be because I have been hurt in the past and don't want to become vulnerable and a combination of actually just no clicking with this guy. Tell him you need more time to "heal". You need to let life happen on life's terms, so? its really all up to you, don't go into something you can't see a silver lining in or that you don't see yourself finishing, people will get hurt and time will be wasted if you jump into a relationship too soon, that's just the vibe I got. I hope it helps

    • He always says we click however. Could t be possible the one side could be clicking and the other side isn't? And if you don't click with someone would you be able to spend hours with them?

    • Show All
    • to minimize the hurt

    • Well I do like him but don't feel the emotional connection as I did with the other guy. I did try to go slower with this one and I may be protecting myself. But how can you know if you don't click with someone?


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What Guys Said 2

  • Pls dont cling to terms like emotional connection , soulmate, destiny.. they are hotch potch

    if you like him, thats it , .. all the adventures will come in its time..

    good luck...

  • You're not sleeping together? That could be why.


What Girls Said 2

  • Same thing happened to me I fell in love for absolutely no reason, why him out of all other guys? I have no idea. But I did and he hurt me bad and now I can't seem to be attached to anyone. I have a deep emotional bond with my lover and we click, we are near perfect in that area but I don't miss him when we are apart I dont have an attachment to him, just a deep love that is unattatched. Its weird

    • That's so similar to what is happening to me! Do you think you are just trying to protect yourself or the guy is not the right one long term for you?

    • I think its cuz I'm determined its only temporary. Without that desire for something lasting ltr than there is no attachment, so in a way yes because I won't do anything lasting ltr or anything unless I'm sure of the guy and that we will work and that I can trust him

  • Women tend to get more emotionally attached once you have sex. Just give it more time. 4 months is not that long.