Where can you meet a nice single guy?

I've gotten out of a failing long term relationship and am utterly confused as to where to find an eligible nice guy my age. At 25, past college, living in the more suburban area of NYC and working primarily in a female/married men/gay men occupied industry (which I truly enjoy but can't rely on for social mingling), I am currently clueless when it comes to knowing where the single guys mingle these days.

I am not interested in:
club/bar scene (got over that in college)
online dating (tinder was entertaining but not much substance)
men over 40 (experience is nice but I prefer someone with more energy and less bitterness towards a female, of course that's not all older men but this is my preference)
guys who are still (or permanently) in bad boy mode

I do not want to rely just on good fortune, so thank you for any insight. :)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I get your list of non-interests, think I'm on the same page.
    To my experience, it helps if you just let people keep an eye out for you.
    Have your friends know, truthfully, what you are looking for and have them fix you up.
    You have to be polite though, if you do agree to meet someone and he's terrible... Make the most of it and give constructive criticism towards your friend. Otherwise they won't look for you anymore.

    Having people fix you up WILL result in going on bad dates.

    But at least you will go on dates and meet new people. If you have a girl friend who is dating a great guy, ask her if he has any nice single friends. I know it sounds like a fifties strategy but what worked then still works now.

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What Guys Said 12

  • I live in NY and it's tough because of the cost of living. So a lot of people live with their parents and never move out. I see tons daily. I work a second job as well just to keep on top of the NY cost of living. The gym is a place I'm at often and if you're into fitness, it can be a good spot to meet guys.

    As a single guy I would date often but NY (and CT) girls are really high maintenance from what I notice and I seriously avoid a lot of them for very good reasons. The problem I see with a lot of NY girls is they look for guys with their own place and try to sneak in so they no longer have to live with their parents. Some basically turn themselves into being a guy's personal slut just for a place to live that is not their momma's house and there are girls in NY going to school offering sex for their college textbooks so they can try to get a degree. I really don't like the girls in NY.

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    • From a guy's point of view, I guess it's different.
      I've both lived at home and rented out for extended periods of time an apt just living on my own. It did not have any effect whatsoever on what guys thought of me.

      Have actually worked double jobs too in the past but have lucked out to have gotten out of that mode. Hopefully you won't have to do that for a long time unless you really like what you do.

      I do agree with you that girls can act in certain ways to get out of a situation as opposed to trying to be with a guy for genuine reasons. But isn't that what society expected them to do for a long time anyway? As far as I know, there's no such thing as a guy who would invite you over without expecting something in return. Isn't it just a case of pick your poison?

    • When my last girlfriend heard I had an apartment it raised her interest in me like... 70% more. She kept talking about it and it really alarmed me. Plus I know of other guys who have talked about their girlfriend "basically living" at their places.

      They don't have to do what society tells them to do. They can live their own lives. I outright tell women that I don't let a girl into my place unless it's for sex and I still have had girls trying to sneak in. They treat it like a game.

      Since then, I've stuck with craigslist sex and even that got kinda boring for me after I met enough girls off of it.

  • I usually met girls through friends, going out or randomly in public (I approached an ex at a gas station lol). I think it's possible to meet people doing things you like (hobbies), the gym if you go or online as well. If you want to expand socially there are groups or clubs.

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  • Don't ask me, I have the same list as you. Women over 40 is kind of a given.

    Okay, sign up for art classes, guitar lessons, go to a ju jitsu gym and learn that (not all of those guys are your typical bad boys, but more like protector or there to learn like you) piano lessons, seminars on molecular biology or particle physics, church?, book clubs, poetry recitals, archery lessons, ATV lessons, hunting clubs, shooting ranges. Okay, very diverse, and it could get expensive, but everything I mentioned could be a Segway to another social circular where you can meet and get to know people face to face, where it wouldn't be weird to introduce yourself in person and let the conversations go where they may.

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  • Most areas have sport and social clubs. Join one and meet people through it. Look for activities and gatherings of friends and people your age. I didn't think it was hard at all to meet people in my 20's because I hang around a bunch of 20 year olds that threw 20 year old parties and did things with other 20 year olds. Suburbs might cramp you a bit so look for things downtown.

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    • Most of my free time goes to work, surrounded by older people. I think I just have to consciously make time for finding a 20`s group and try to approach them first myself.

    • You are cute and sweet. When you find them - you will do well. Good luck!

  • Find your nearest cafe. Bring a book or a laptop, wear something revealing, sit back and relax with a cup of coffee for at least an hour everyday. Make eye contact with the men and smile. It's not awkward if u smile and then continue to read or look at your laptop. Hope this helps

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  • Cafes are a nice place coffee shops to maybe try Hastings? if you have one um gyms you can find all walks of people there that is usually were I find good people.

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  • I dont know about bad boyz but open markets, church, walking down the street.i guess if you want a bad boy you could go too the hood

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  • Looking around random places isn't a good idea. Gym could have guys who are easily overconfident and are jerks and other places you never know. Why don't you ask your friends if they know anyone?

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    • I lost touch with a lot of friends after I started spending my time with the previous guy. Not because they didn't get along, but because he had his own group and I chose to stick around with him. Now half the people I know are already married and don't go out or are too busy with work.

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    • ok but gym isn't best place unless you want to play the super patience game there too

    • Super patience game? New terminology for me haha

      In best case scenario, I'm hoping for an energetic but easy going person.

  • Omegle is the new shit yo

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  • 2 words. The gym. You're welcome.

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  • Halfway house

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  • Off the bat your looks aren't an issue. You're very attractive and your "not interested in" list is SHOCKINGLY reasonable for someone your age. I'm thinking it's your location maybe? One things for sure, online dating will just make you lose hope in the opposite sex lol.
    I find it hard to believe their isn't a single guy you run into you might be attracted to. I mean...coffee shop, grocery store, micro brew festival, baseball game? The last girl i met worked at this sandwich place i'd frequent. I'd eat my sandwich and chat with her a few times a month. We hit it off.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Hahaha...
    You have so many restrictions that you're making it almost impossible to find anyone. If you REALLY want to find someone, or rather for them to find YOU, you need to be more OPEN. Attracting a partner starts with being open and letting go of the pessimism of WHERE or HOW you meet him. Right now all I hear from you is a lot of resistance. Meeting the right person for you is ALL about being in the right place at the right time. That means being open to going everywhere imaginable! I guarantee if you change your thought process and energy regarding dating, it will make things so much easier. You might meet someone just walking down the street! You never know, good luck.

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    • I don't see how there are too many restrictions. Under 40, not in the party scene and not on tinder seems hardly restrictive. I don't think there's anything wrong with being specific, but I appreciate your input.

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    • And why are you so focused on pushing your point across when I asked pretty specifically about an idea where to find a good social scene, not to be ridiculed by your perceived defect in my personality?

    • I don't think I have much else to say regarding this topic because we are both on different pages...obviously. But I do wish you good luck. 😊

  • Heaven , mhm

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