Are these weird questions to ask, do you men think about this?

So this guy I have been seeing for four months now. I asked him a couple times

" What do you like about me?"
" What makes you wanna be with me?"
" Why are you with me?"

And he said " Well I don't know, I've never thought about it, I've never had to think about it with women. I thought both persons just like each other and decide to be with each other"

He couldn't answer my questions. It baffled me that he doesn't know the answers or thought about this.

Do all guys not think about this stuff?

Like I feel like to be in a relationship with someone you must know these things.

When he didn't know it made me feel foolish and dumb cause then that means he';s with me based on attraction =(.

Updates:
Well I end it sooo...I just can't be with someone who couldnt think about these things
He is so different from anyone I have ever met. He's introvert, he said he might be biploar. So I don't know what to do. He never says anything nice about me. He just stares me down a lot lol.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd say that four months into dating, a man should have a pretty good idea on how to answer these types of questions. I know I would. I mean, how do you see someone for four MONTHS and not have a clue on how to answer something like this?

    Did you ask these questions of him because he's not very good at communicating this stuff to you on his own? I'm guessing that's the case here, and I don't really blame you.

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    • This is a really great answer. I might add the guy could have at least made something up like "I like your smile" or something else just as random and corny and weaseled out of it. I can't believe he struck out on this one.

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    • by the way i didn't break solely cause he didn't answer. Other things added up to the decision. When we began talking and sometimes now he'd talk about females he met in his life and he would talk about how beautiful they were blah blah, but he can't simply say " babe you look beautiful today" i have no clue how attractive he finds me. But I still make the effort to be a good gf, to compliment him, give him affection, do nice things for him, tell him sweet things, i intiate etc. I feel like the guy here lol. He doesn't realize how hard it is for me. He said he knows he's hard to deal with that he's got issues, plus he has a son and that i try with him and try to understand him, to just bare with him and give him another chance but i just don't think i should. Only when i threaten a break up he tries to give answers. But that night it just hurt my feelings to think that he can't answer and that he's with me cause of my looks and the benefits of being with me =(.

    • Yeah, I kinda figured that's why you felt compelled to ask him these questions (because he wasn't offering anything up on his own).

      Anyway, I totally understand where you're coming from. Bottom line is that you're not getting what you want/need/deserve, and it sounds like you've made the right choice in ending the relationship. Chances are pretty slim that he's going to change all that much. I mean, four months is a pretty good amount of time and if he was ever going to open up he'd have probably done it by now.

What Guys Said 12

  • "I thought both persons just like each other and decide to be with each other"

    This pretty much sums it up. Does there need to be another reason?

    Asking questions like you did is not a good idea. The first question might have some answers. But the other two don't have answers. The only answer is "just because". He just likes you and probably has no idea why. Trying to answer questions like that is like answering the question "what is the meaning of life?". You could get into a long philosophical discussion about it, but in the end the answer is "just because".

    I can say I like your smile. I can say I like the way you sing or laugh. I could say a lot of things like that. But I could say the same things about hundreds of other girls. But what is it about you that sets you apart? Why the attraction to "you" when so many others have those same characteristics? I have no idea. Just because. It's magic. It's mystical. There is just something about you that makes my heart go pitter patter. But I have no idea what it is.

    If you try to make a guy answer questions like that, be prepared that he will totally stumble over the answer, and probably say something really lame that will get him in trouble. That's especially true of younger guys.

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    • Now I understand , I see what you mean, and you are right. But I guess other reasons like : He's hard to understand cause he admits he's different, that he never says anything nice, never compliments me, but he voices what he doesn't like about me, he likes to call people out on there bullshit well what he assumes is BS, so he even does that to me when i am being genuine and honest and he's wrong. He has a son, he's older. So he by never knowing much about what he likes about me it makes me wonder all the time why he likes me, he voices what he doesn't like so with hearing that only i feel like i must be annoying to him but he keeps wanting to spend time with me, so it makes me wonder about his intentions. He's just i don't know how to fully describe this guy. But i don't feel secure in this relationship. He does make time for me, I catch him staring at me, he thinks i'm the nicest person ever, he says he's happy wwith me, but i'm not happy with him. I have such a soft spot for him

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    • It almost sounds like you are backtracking now. So you still have feelings and remember the good things.

      Only you can weigh the pros and cons and decide if it's what you want. But not answering those questions shouldn't play a big part in your decision.

      Don't count on him changing though. That's never a good idea with anyone. Words that he wants to change don't cut the mustard so to speak. Even if he wants to, changing is not always easy to do. You have to accept him for who he is, both the good and bad.

    • nah I told him i don't wanna change him that it's not my intention for that. And I mean that. Yea I just wrote him a long letter of all the things that concern me in the relationship. And he sent me a long email explaining himself asking me to please stay with him. But there are other reasons to leave anyways. The cons outweigh the pros sadly. I have valid reasons but i didn't break up solely cause he didn't answer the questions. I would never break up just for that alone.

  • I don't think about any of that specifically, do I know the answers to those questions though? Yes, I do. If I like someone I know why I like them, I just don't happen to think about it... if they ask me it's very easy for me to give an answer though. I mean for one thing I wouldn't date someone I didn't like, I wouldn't date someone I wouldn't want to be with and my reasons for being with anyone would be because I like them and a big part of my life plan is having a wife and children. Obviously I can be far more specific when actually answer a girl. But I don't sit down and think of the questions and the answers to those questions... I just don't see the point when I know I already know the answers.

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    • Yea I mean to me I feel like a person should know why they chose me and not cause of a feeling only. He said he thinks about me a lot. So I expect at least a few reasons. It just has so many other things and please read the comments on the other answers. Its just I feel like I give way more. I am scared of getting hurt

  • Don't worry about it hunny. It does not mean he isn't crazy about you and wants to be with you. All guys (the younger the worse it is) have a very hard time understanding their emotions. They know what the feel but it is very difficult for us to describe how we feel inside. Girls have a much easier time understanding their emotions and are more able to describe them verbally. This makes it difficult for girls to understand guys and it makes guys uncomfortable when they can't answer and they feel on the spot and they should have an answer but they dont. Don't hold it against him. A couple things you can do is ask him to write a few things down after thinking about it for a few days (dont rush him, let him do it in his time). Or, ask him very specific things, for instance, say you make him some of his favorite cookies and he appreciates it a lot. Ask him if it makes him feel good when you do things like that for him and he will be able to answer you and he may even give you some more details about how he feels about you. Just remember, guys have a hard time understanding their emotions and its even harder for guys to verbalize them. It has nothing to do with not really wanting to be with you or how much he loves you. All guys are like this to some extent.

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    • He is just weird is all too. Like he never says nice things to me like i am so accustom to men showing and telling me how much they like me, past exes voiced what they loved about me on their own. I just wanna know his intentions you know, I am so terrified of getting hurt that it hurts at the thought of feeling the way my ex crushed my heart. He said that he's someone that likes to be alone most times, and I am someone who likes to be around the person I am with but I do admit he makes time for me always but that's because he doesn't have to work for long hours. He isn't touchy feely but he does pinch my face or grab my butt. I do catch him staring at me when we watch movies or i'll be thinking and then i look at him and he;s staring at me. I don't know he's hard to read. But I have tried to understand him. I question if we are even compatible, we are such opposites. But it's the good I saw in him that made me like him, plus he's sexy. He has a kid too. And he's older.

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    • Yes, I know how you feel. I've been in a similar situation. Sorry you are in this tough spot, I know it sucks.

    • It sucks I really do like him. I see the positives in him no matter how minor. I am a person that can see the small things and appreciate. If he truly likes me he will come up with the reasons. I just think or know this relationship will not bw long term. So I ended it now. Now to move on I guess

  • I don't know that many guys sit around thinking about any of those. We will think about them if you ask us but you have to give the guy time to think and answer.
    if you are looking for a guy that does deep thought on those questions wihtout being asked then you might be dumping a lot of guys

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    • read the comments i wrote on the other answers please, especially the one on lilac79. I did give him time like 2 mths to think about this.But yea I do take into consideration, that these questions might not be a reason to break up completely.

    • well if he had time he should have been able to give you something.

    • He just said cause I was a great support during trying times for him. And that I he likes my hugs and that I am the nicest person he ever met. But not together just over time he has said them respectively. Yea I feel he had time and couldn't say anything when asked last night. He makes me not sure of his intentions I can't live with the wondering if he never answers me.

  • Men are simple like that or at least most of them. Men don't think about all the details women do. I'm sure he has his reasons but he hasn't processed the information yet. If you give him a chance to think about it, he will definitely let you know. I know women like to be reminded about how pretty, smart and fun they are and what makes them unique, different, and special from the rest.

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  • Yikes I wouldn't know how to deal with those questions either. I prefer relationships to flow organically. Asking those kinds of questions is just too heavy for me.

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    • I know it may take time but please read the comments for the male answers and lilac's female answer. And danAG. I have valid reasons to wonder and ask him. Though I now agree with all answers

  • the problem with askng these things is that not only does it put us on the spot but it also makes the qa look insecure. you have to be confident and know why they do. if they didn't like you, they wouldn't be with you

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    • He's knows i'm confident. It's not that I ask it over and over and over. I don't get jealous or anything. I told him why i've asked this. Which was: cause i don't know his intentions, cause he never says anything nice or compliments me but only voice what he doesn't like and always look at the negatives of things i say. Please if you could, take the time to read my comments to other answerers here (i know answerers might not be a word lol)

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    • I don't care if it makes you jealous or not. im not him. im just saying, sounds like he was trying to make you jealous yo

    • or maybe he thinks it's ok since i don't react to it on the outside. But I told him what I thought so.

  • Alright, but how would you have responded to those questions had he asked you about him?

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  • It is weird when asked repeated times

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  • I think some guys should think about them but not all. Hi friend!

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  • I don't think it is weird

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  • I have to disagree with you. I can like someone, without knowing why and it have nothing to do with it being based on attraction. I don't even think about why I like my male friends, I just like hanging out with them. I don't ever consider why I enjoy their company, I just do. I think women tend to over think about a lot of these things compared to men.

    I hate questions like "Why do you like me?", because there is go good answer. Any logical response will always feel shallow compared to how I deeply I feel anyway. You basically set him up to fail.

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    • Well he has asked me to get back with him. Read the comment I wrote to Lilac. On top of that he never compliments me, never says miss you i like you or sweet things at all. He only voices what he doesn't like so it makes me wonder then " why are you with me?". i am so scared of getting hurt that i don't trust him to let myself let down the walls to have more feelings.

    • He may not be the right guy for you, but I wouldn't read too much into how a guy answers those types of questions in the future.

    • Yea i guess how it has other things that make me think he;s not the one that it just adds to the frustration of the no answer at all to those questions.

What Girls Said 4

  • If my bf asked me those questions I wouldn't given him a "huh?" look. I agree with your (ex) boyfriend - when you have chemistry and it just works, why ask why?

    You ask those questions because you're seeking reassurance. I personally think it comes across as clingy and insecure.

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  • What was his reaction when you ended it? I think it is normal to not really think about those things, but he should have been able to come up with something. Ending it may have been a little harsh tho. They are normal questions to ask your bf.

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    • Well I think he knew it was coming, cause I asked this a month or two ago so he had enough time to think about this. He wrote to me that he does think about me a lot. But if he did he would have answers to these questions. I do catch him staring at me or acting weird/shy around me. But I fear that he is with me for my looks. It hurts to think that. He is different i never met someone like him. He says he's kinda introvert , that he might be bipolar or something he doesn't know. But he's not an easy person to date but i try to always understand. But he's just not the guy for me. I already accepted other baggage. But he can't ever answer these questions too? Nah I just can't. I told him my concerns in a letter. I don't know. He is asking me to bare with me and give him another chance. But I don't know.

    • I think u did the right thing

  • Not weird. But if my guy asked me that, i honestly wouldn't know what to answe because i really can't express my lovcev in words and i really don't know why i love him this much.

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  • Hey, you know I find it pretty meaningless to ask guys those questions, you shouldn't ask them when you want compliments, even they did answer, what else can they say to you but give you a bunch of good words, you put them in a situation that they would lie. Guys are not sensitive about emotions, they don't have a crazy had like girls thinking a lot. He said he didn't know that meant he just simply liked you a lot and couldn't put into words. You really shouldn't break up with him.

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    • You are right i realize maybe yea guys are just not like that. But I have met a good amount of guys who do voice the answers to the questions without me asking, they just bring one or two during different convos. Read the comments i wrote on other answers.

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